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PLease help me handle this situtation

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by satin, Apr 8, 2014.

  1. sweetypi

    sweetypi Platinum IL'ite

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    Possible. At the same time OP has formed her own opinion about an unknown girl's character from a single highly debatable encounter ! But if it is indeed a fishy matter and if a couple isn't hesitant in public others *may* be aware of it. There is just a greater chance of it. However, if the OP is being too narrow, imaginative and judgemental, she may possibly be making defamatory statements.
    Perhaps OP could simply have walked up to say 'Hi'. At the most, she can casually mention having seen her cousin's fiance with possibly one of his students without including her own salacious additions about character, eyes, dressing like a pro etc etc.
     
  2. aamrapali

    aamrapali Gold IL'ite

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    Just ignore it. You cannot conclude anything from one incident of a few minutes. You don't know the background, the limitations, the situation, etc. etc.
     
  3. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    I think the real the problem here is not just the dressing sense/character of that girl, but the close & intimate way by which she was moving with her "teacher" and him allowing it...Being a mature & grownup teaching faculty with a reputation to maintain, atleast he should have moved away & maintained a distance or told her off for her behavior or something but he din't...This makes his behaviour a little suspicious...It would be a good idea to make enquiries abt him...Better to be safe than sorry. (From my experience in college, all male lecturers used to maintain atleast 1 foot distance away from any girl while talking to her, just to maintain decency & propriety ).
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2014
    1 person likes this.
  4. satin

    satin Silver IL'ite

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    Yes that is what I am trying to say,on seeing that I was so shocked and speechless and I think that my heart must have stopped for some time and like some others have said I cant even imagine going up to him and saying hi.Maybe it is easy to say it to others but if you are in that situation I am sure nobody could go and say hello to that person.The reason I am hesitating is maybe I am wrong,thats why I gave the whole picture like the touching etc and left upto you all to tell me what you think,if some people def.think that going in public like that tells there is something between them then it gives me confidence to tell to her,like atleast I am right in some way and just not my imaginaton.

    I know there are always posts like mind your business etc.See I am telling my opinion,have you never talked with your friends about other girls' clothes and how she behaves,dont divert the post.See its my sister here and whoever comes and disturbs her will be called that way,anybody would be mad at the person who ruins their brother/sister's life,aldies I am just being free to you all and treat you all like my friends.I want genuine answers to help me out.I have 2 kids to take care,but these 2 weeks I have not been good at it,I just feel nervous of what I saw.

    I am afraid that my husband might tell his mother/brother about this thats why I am not telling him.

    No not the kurta alone(sorry couldnt help but laugh).
     
  5. satin

    satin Silver IL'ite

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    This is exactly what I am trying to say,without going to the points where I have called her pro,etc why dont people just talk about the real matter here.If there is nothing between them two he should have moved away,there were so many people sitting there,just think will we ever walk close to our teachers,even if we have crush on them wont we be afraid that maybe scold us or get angry by our behaviour?Will we be afraid to touch our husband in front of all,NO right because we know that he wont say anything infact real husband and wives dont behave like this in front of all since they have their own place for it.So there is mutual understanding between them andthis has also happened several times right.I know some of my friedns who have had crush on their teachers but they didnt go to the point of touching him atleast.

    Ok atleast I didnt imagine anything,there is something fishy.I think I am going to tell her,because I am now confident that I am right but I will wait for one more week,since there is two lives concerned in it,like one of them have said I think I will go again,but I feel nervous when I think about it,but I think I will go.But if I should enquire who do you think I should ask?
     
  6. bhucat

    bhucat Platinum IL'ite

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    Satin,

    1. Do tell this to your husband, there is nothing wrong telling him.
    2. From my experience i never seen any student come very closer to the Teacher in the way of touching their private parts....atleast i could say that few of my 'tomboy' friends have done this to their friends but not with the teachers...
    3. Nowadays, so many things happeneing in the marriages, after engagement or before wedding day people are obsconding with their lovers, or after marriage some people have EMA, so it is always better to investigate one persons character and then proceed....
    4. Private agencies do their work properly without letting other about their identity and their customers identity...so you safely go for that option. Beacuse even though you go personally and introduce with him, you cannot come to know about his character.

    These are my two cents, it is always better to be safe to know before marriage.
    I can say that, though cultural changes, dressing habits have changed a lot nowadays, but 'good' persons behavioural approaches should not change at any costs.

    Satin, your reply looks to be meant for someone but you have pasted my reply before that, why me? :)
     
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  7. satin

    satin Silver IL'ite

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    hey bhucat that was not meant for you,it was for another person.I am just nervous even there are so many mistakes in my english.AFter realising that I was right about it I feel more nervous,sorry it was not meant for you :)

    My sister is such a nice girl and I will never allow this to be done to her.That fellow is a B*****d.
     
  8. darmesh

    darmesh Platinum IL'ite

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    Well, you want a genuine answer , right ? Here is possibly a genuine answer :

    There may be a close friendship between the two, or it may not be so, also. It is impossible to surmise the reality from the few minutes observation you have made there. For accessing the truth, you guys, may have to do a thorough enquiry, if possible through some detective agencies having specialised in accessing marriage related secrets. Every City has good detective agencies in private sector. You can take the professional help from one such agency.

    Please do not jump to any conclusion, just by a few minutes observation.


    Even if , we assume that that girl has some intimate friendship with the said man, it is very UNFAIR and UNETHICAL on your part, to label her as a 'pro' , simply because she was wearing a low kurti.

    Does wearing a low kurti and being in a close relationship with a man (who later got engaged to another woman), make the former woman, a 'pro' ?

    Please be fair , if you are a true woman !

    I am sorry, if my words offend you!
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2014
  9. bhucat

    bhucat Platinum IL'ite

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    Satin,

    My two cents....in a different approach, why cant you reveal this matter with any elders?

    You can say not in detail. but to some extent like he is so social like that. So it depends on the family to take this kind of approaches, some never feel wrong but still some families does not like these kind of behaviour....you can say them that he may be a good guy or so but investigation is the best way to find out.

    See, finally it is your cousin sister's life. So if you ask me, i would take all possible action to gather maximum information about that guy, So it is up to you now, in IL different kinds of answers you will get because all person cannot think similarly, it is their views, you can take some ideas but finally "enga yenna solludhu" is what counts. Do not get nervous, you still have time any twists can happen. Pray God for the best thing to happen in your sister's life.
     
  10. satin

    satin Silver IL'ite

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    I am planning to go to his place,who do I ask?Sorry I am clueless!Should I just say I am from the girl's side and I just wanted to know how this person this?Is this correct?Is somebody from the office okay?Or will he make an issue when he comes to know about this?
     

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