Please help- DH's past affair

You are being so naive , OP!

I agree to what sandhya says.Be alert and wake up!

 

Telling your parents doesnot help. Telling your Husband parents, his colleagues, friends and relatives and most importantly that lady's Husband atleast will show some result. This is the most unfortunate situation happened and I know the pain. Please try to forget everything and move on. Be strong and independent.

 

Somehow in all this struggle to set straight your life, you are unwittingly assuming the role of an accomplice/enabler by keeping the other woman's husband unaware. Why you do that is understandable yet unsettling.

 

It took me nearly 5 years to control my marriage life. For none of my faults, I had faced almost all the physical, emotional and financial sufferings ever since my marriage. But today, I am happy to say that mt marriage is full of rosy as the way I dreamed before and I am still unable to believe that everything is fine around me. I am still unable to come out of my defensive mode to relaxedly enjoy this life. I guess it's a transition time for me.

Having said that, OP I advice you to NOT to lose hope in this life, since you seem to be desperately wanting be in this marriage, no matter what.

Please accept that you have a problem in this marriage. Every marriage has it's own set of problems, and they say some rain must fall into every lives, and probably it is your rainy season. That's it. Good, that you have almost faced the tough rain at the very beginning of your marriage, so be sure that the rest of your life is gonna be smooth as you want. God is there!

Your husband and his statements are not convincing. There is something that he is purposely hiding or you chose to NOT to reveal it in public.

He has cheated on you, and continued his EMA (be it emotional or Physical) even after his marriage. He had no guilt for that, and that's the reason he has forced this friendship to you. Probably, he would have thought of balancing both the relationship by hiding it behind your "family friendship".
Unfortunately, he's got caught, and what is he doing is merely an escapism.

I dont buy the other woman's life story as well. Her husband's EMA, her 10 years of no-sex life, and everything else. She too have no guilt to mingle with you and also with her own family just like nothing has happened.

Such people (your husband and that woman) would go any miles without any shame. So, better be vigilant now, and take appropriate remedies to stop all this NOW. Else, the only available solution is DIVORCE.

It is not IMPOSSIBLE to change a person with LOVE. But it takes time and patience to work for it. If you think that your marriage is worth for such long patience, and you are personally capable of doing so, then I would advice you to go ahead. Else, the world is so open for a young independent woman like you. Pls understand that no one is gonna blame you for your husband's mistakes.

As for now, inform your parents about his EMA (Again, it depends on how caring, understanding and good souls they are - You decide better).
Bring him home for an open talk with them. So, everyone understands what's going on, and what is needed to solve this issue.

Do not tell everyone else about this.

Meet the other woman, and tell her that you are aware about their affair. Warn her mind her limitations, and not to damage your lives any further.
Also warn her about revealing this affair to her husband, kids and colleagues with evidence if she doesn't obey your words in this regard.

Ask her to cut off all the ties with your husband.. that includes her normal friendship and colleagues type of relationships too.
Ask the same to your husband.

Better you move back to your husband's place with kid. Ask him to find another employment somewhere else.
Forget about all the risks of losing a career, pension, stable job,EMI and all. Its still worth to win a marriage, so take the risk.

If your husband is genuine, and he really wants to prove him right, he must take this risk too.

Forgiving him shows how big your heart is. But don't show us as how dumb your brain by forgetting his faults. Always be vigilant about his activities with this woman, and other women too.

He must corporate with you since he has done an unforgivable mistake in this marriage.

Do not tell him that you stay in this marriage because of his child. Some men would take it as a notice for sticking in a sulking marriage no matter what. So, tell him that you chose to remain married since you loved him, and decided to trust him once more. But the trust can be broken anytime if your heart founds any more secrets from him, thus it might turn the love/life to anywhere. So, ask him to be trust worthy hereafter.

Remember, there are many men (that includes my close family circle) those had a bitter past, and an ugliest EMA soon after their marriage, but after getting caught they chose to remain married with their wives; hence listened to their wives to make her trust them again.
It all up to both the couples to work on their marriage.
The man (the one with mistakes) to learn from it and adjust with his wives demands (its always difficult to cope with a person whose trust is once broken)
The woman to stay strong, continue to be vigilant, and also to be a warmest loving person.

Life will change, as everything that is to be changed, will change with time. Stay focused.

 

Vgpss...good move .Make sure he does these two things....don't let him talk you out of this. If he is able to do this,it is a positive sign.

 

Please inform your parents as well. In case he repeats the same behaviour five years down the line, whom will you turn to then? Your parents should be aware of what is happening in their daughter's life. Your parents can also advice your husband on the future course of action he will need to take. Keep them in the loop. This is very important.