Trying to Understand more about Indian culture? Sensitive topic.

One of the reasons you were fascinated by him is you already have 2 kids and judging by the post you are a single mom. You liked the attention you got from someone. American culture is totally different from Indian culture.

In USA there is no value for marriage, more than 1/2 end in divorces and every other lady or gentleman is a single mom or a single dad. Very few americans I have seen have been married to each other "first time", very few still believe in the sanctity or marriage. Maybe this is one reason that fascinated you towards him and Indian culture ( in this case Hinduism).

Again as i said He maybe beautiful and genuine but we will never know because we are not in your shoes and we do not know the guy personally.

Indians are very reluctant to adopt. The only cases where they consider adoption is when there is no alternative left and they have exhausted all possible options to have a biological child. Others they just live as a couple - no kids.

I really wish situation would have been different in your case. Please come back to reality, assess the situation and take the right decision.

 

I think JM is not totally right. I think she said that in the heat of the moment after hearing ( rather reading) your post.

Any culture can be customizable or not customizable. Culture is man made just like religion. We human beings accept some rules in life if they suit us and some we ignore if they do not.

It depends at individual level if we want to break away from that culture or go along with it for having fun.

 

Just wanted to point out that it is not true that a Indian (girl) will marry an American only for US citizenship. My company had sponsored my green card.

Sometimes it could just be a simple matter of love, you know. I can speak about this this confidently because I am married to an American man and my family adores him.

 

Diva sometimes it is a good idea to read the full paragraph. I did mention there maybe exceptions but I HAVE NOT SEEN IT.

Thank you for reading.

 

I was evaluating and editing my contents, before it was published.

Please read more about Hinduism here. Hope you can understand better.

Regards,
JM

 

Also wanted to point out that the Scenario I am talking about it when the Non american guy or girl 's company does not sponsor GC. They are here maybe on H1 or L1 or F1 or any other visa.

Maybe I was wrong to mention just indians doing this. I have seen other ethnicities doing this as well. Some do it just for citizenship( because they want to settle here and want a faster way of getting GC) and some do it as Diva mentioned out of love.

But anyway sorry for the detour.

 

Again it is blanket statements like this that never fails to baffle me. Indian culture? You are advising abortion and you talk of culture. I have seen people in India or rather Indians use abortion as birth control. I have seen people lament the birth of a girl child and I have seen troubled women asked to be "adjust". Lets not bring the superior Indian culture here.


You are pretty much telling this lady (the OP) that American culture is so bad for various reasons and yet this women from this "debased" culture is struggling with her conscience to go through or even consider an abortion that you so easily recommended and her boyfriend from the vastly superior Indian culture insists.

You may have seen hanging out with the Hollywood crowd or something but most regular folks value marriage just as much (or little) as they do in India. If you see every other man or woman a single parent, again I wonder what type of crowd you interact with. And seriously, every single American are married to each other "first time"???

My husband (a true blue American) was very much single when I met him. No he was not living with anyone or had children out of wedlock or was previously married. We both were married to each other the "first time". And both of us believe in sanctity of marriage equally. And trust me- he is not that much of an exception. No one in his extended family has had such issues either. We have a lot of friends and I don't see the things you talk about either.

As for that 50% divorce statistics- the less said about the real situation in India the better.

And while we are discussing culture, lets also discuss dowry, preference for male child etc. the corner stones of Indian culture.

 

Hi USAGirl

I think the first thing you need to understand is really not the merits/de-merits of Indian culture but the real intention of your boyfriend. It seems to me like he is someone trying to get the best of both worlds while making as little compromise as possible from his end.

As for the parents' acceptance, even if the baby had not happened, it is highly unlikely that his parents would have accepted him if he had gotten married to you. According to a lot of conservative Indian parents, a man marrying someone who already has kids, and of a different race at that is also quite unacceptable. So if he was genuinely in love with you, hoping to build a future with you, he should have already been open to the fact that he might be disowned by his parents. You also mentioned he is now looking for a job, are you sure he is not fobbing off of you, for some free money until he gets a job and in the meantime also make sure any traces of his responsibility are wiped off by asking you to abort? I feel there are too many red flags with this guy that you should not ignore.

Also, a lot of my white women friends say that they would like to date and marry an Indian men because they appear to provide the kind of stability that they don't feel with white guys. But we Indians have our fair share of scum too!

And I apologize for someone who generalized about the values of Americans and their family life etc. Not all of us Indians are ignorant like that.

 

So you are saying if my company had not sponsored my gc, you would think someone like me is marrying for citizenship?

I read your whole paragraph. I don't deny people do stuff like that happen but I think it will take a "special" (?) person do something that and go on a path of doing something really illegal. I am not sure people "normal" people would do through that extreme to live in US. I may be wrong but I like to give people benefit of doubt that they are not that stupid.

 

Beg to differ with public opinions...u do have broad minded ppl in India who respect the choice of their children...I have seen many happily married couples where one partner is a foreigner...Keep bumping into one such in my own colony where the guy is a foreigner...One of my very good friend married an south American n is happily married...they had no issues with parents at all...

Ppl are opening up ....though such ppl indeed are very few

I know my in-laws since ours is a north-south Indian alliance...they seem very open minded and wouldn't have objected too much (some convincing is indeed required) even if I was a foreigner...

Even adoptions....many ppl do it india....I have seen it in my family n no such reason of not having biological children...we agreed to adopt before we even got married...My manager in my company adopted a child(after one biological child) recently n was very happy n excited...many such examples...

If the guy is nice and genuine, try to explain ur point of view when u r both relaxed....if he fails to convince u with his words, he isn't worth ur time....parents are imp but it's equally important to have ur own point of view .....he can always make an honest attempt to explain things to his parents n he must in the circumstances u are in ....any parent would react but they may understand eventually

U need to be convinced of ur decision....wish u all the best