Hubby bugs me these days...

Ss81 · Jan 19, 2014

Hi all,
first lemme share that I am a very sensitive person.was really proud of us as a couple ,cos my hubby really pampered me and was a dream cum true.its been
6 yrs in the wedlock now,n I am feeling we are two separate people,recently.
he is always cribbing about cleanliness,food,clothes n wat not.i thought it was work pressure ,n tried talking to him but gets agitated.so I try not to bother him as much as possible,I thought maybe a lil extra care wl make him happy....so I tried it al...making good food,decorating the house.but he seems not to like anything,food is just ok,house isn't any great...etc are the cold responses...I am fed up.occassionally an argument breaks,how long wl u take nonsense... in the end,I end up crying with he not even bothering.
this sudden change in him is really bothering me...pls suggest solutions other than talking,it has been useless.my man refuses to talk.
a sad wife

bhuvnidhi · Jan 25, 2014

SS81, Moving this to relationship forum as this thread would fit there and you will get good responses as well.

Mahanu · Jan 25, 2014

Why cant you talk to him frankly about his sudden change in behaviour? maybe, he is not able to express some of his reservations about your behaviour directly and so shows it in a different way. I think only open minded talk and ready to change attitude of both the partners if something is affecting the spouse will solve the issue.

Rise · Jan 25, 2014

I guess its the 6 year itch give him his space and you too take a break... if you keep going to him all the time he will go much further... try to ignore him for a while, and he will come to you

anjivicky · Jan 29, 2014

Why dont you both plan for a vacation for a week and take a time off? Men always look forward for a change. Give it to him, so you both get ample time to discuss what makes him grrrr. Atleast this works for me !!

Ss81 · Feb 2, 2014

All these solutions didn't work for me.....that's y put it up here....last week went well,yesterday again we had a big fight .i hv told him none of my efforts is Gudrun enuf for u,fine....now ook ur own food,wash ur own clothes.high time u realise my position in ur life....otherwise u can go to hell!

guesshoo · Feb 3, 2014

Do you have children, SS81? Quite often after a child is born the attention you used to shower upon each other changes. (Plus your focus shifts from housekeeping; plus all he disagreements about parenting...) Could this be the case in your marriage?

Arguing is not effective. I understand your ego has been bruised and you are upset with his behaviour too. Here is my suggestion.

- Pick a time when you both are relaxed and just by yourselves.
- Make eye contact. Make sure your body language is neither aggressive nor passive. (Write out your speech. Practice in front of a mirror)
- in a very calm, sincere tone, tell him you need to talk to him for a minute; that you just want him to listen, think about what you are saying so you can discuss in a couple of days. Request and insist that he not interrupt you.
- tell him you miss the easy relationship you shared earlier. Tell him you miss the person he used to be. Affirm that you do still love him and want to lead a harmonious life together. Tell him you are not able to figure out why you both got this way and you would like to discuss objectively and politely about what you BOTH can do to get back to that state.
- get his buy-in and fix a date and time to discuss this.
- Then give him some space to ruminate.

It takes a lot if time and effort but it will be worth it.

additionally I also suggest you pick up some books like "I'm ok, you're ok" which help better our communication skills. Good luck.