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Why do certain men have such double standards?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Maddy2087, Jan 27, 2014.

  1. Maddy2087

    Maddy2087 Platinum IL'ite

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    Why do certain men have such double standards?

    I was reading a thread here and the IL is screaming her lungs out stating that her husband is a Momma’s boy and its making her life super complicated. My blood boils reading such posts and makes we wonder why certain men marry when their life revolves around their mother. Their decision to marry spoils every body’s peace of mind and life becomes more a pain than a joyride. I am personally not against men loving their parents but there needs to be a line drawn when you get involved in a family set up. There are men who consider it respectful taking consent of their parents regarding the minutest thought that brushes through their mind. Now, isn’t that totally silly? Can’t you make your own decisions after marriage? How would you feel if your mother had a bad marriage because your father was decided on his circumference by his mother ( Your Grandmother) and he always considered it right to pursue her thoughts? and oh my lord !!!The irreparable vicious cycle of revenge takes place and the DIL is always screwed emotionally, mentally and physically in the pursuit to prove who is superior MIL or DH. I believe that momma’s boy have double standards to help their mom take revenge on the DIL during her youthful years and when these very same creatures(Yes, i call them creatures from the zoombaland of moms! Huh! ) get old and lanky they need a wife and who in this world would be a wonderful caretaker than their own wife? Such impudent double standards!

    The biggest question still remains unresolved . Are the 7 vows of marriage a false promise?

    To all the women reading this,

    Do you really deserve a doormat’s life? This horrendous cycle needs to stop ASAP. We as a unity should fight against men who have no power to take decisions of their own and enter into the wedlock community complicating the institution of marriage. Speak up and say it aloud to them that their anarchic and double standard ruling will never be entertained. Let’s compress those nasty emotions and gather courage to fight against such men leaving them isolated in the society with their one and only beloved “MOM”.

    You are not destined to be under anybody’s thumb. Your gender doesn’t make you any weaker .You are beautiful, strong and capable of achieving everything in life. Wake up and start talking with your feet to men who have chauvinistic mentality and consider women a source of pleasure!

    A piece of advice to all the women searching for a life partner “NEVER EVER MARRY A MOMMA’S BOY “. If you ever go on a date tell men cut and right on their face that you abhor MOMMA’S boy and you like men who take their own decisions, behave gentlemen like, appreciate women of her confidence and success and most importantly respect her for what she is and how she is. If you don’t belong to that class of men then you better talk to my hand!

    P.S : This post is not intended to hurt the feelings of men but yes to address this issue to Women in general and also Momma's boy of their double standards. I would highly appreciate if we stay in the limits of the topic and not curse each other and make this a nasty thread.

    With Love,
    Maddy
     
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  2. Marun

    Marun Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Maddy,

    Your post sounds valid. And to be honest I don't have an answer for any! One thing I would blame is our tradition.

    Right from the beginning, the perception that has been set by all parents to their children is daughters will anyway move to another home after marriage! This single stuff makes up guys mind that they will be forever with parents and not the daughters. Wrong thing and sadly its true. It all started there.
    Parents also have the same perception that one day they have to let go off their daughter and they will have their son all time till they die to look after them.


    The whole projection so far clearly shows that guys lift the family throughout till the last moment of parents and this is how things work here. Biased to say!

    The essential priority to be given to both the genders breaks in the very beginning itself and the outcome of that is all you see is here.
     
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  3. chillbreeze

    chillbreeze Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Actually I started typing, but got a feel that its gonna run into pages. So stopped it and just saying, I agree with both of you.

    PS. Not only momma's boys, there are also Daddy's little boys. But I've seen women also equally being under the thumb of their mothers.
     
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  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Some men just find it convenient not to grow into adults.
     
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  5. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,
    in some ways we females are to be blamed .
    we raise Momma's boys & don't know where to stop,never realizing that our darling son is an adult with his own life ........it starts right from childhood when in name of love we monitor what dress our kids will wear,how many hours will he play ,what hobbies should he follow,what stream should he study so on...............

    yes,very necessary for a 5 yrs old to be told that he needs to wear socks with shoes but not a 10 yr old who should have learnt by now..........we need to understand that at some stages their is need to step back ,even if we KNOW what is best...........if we start early we will learn not to interfere with our kids life & yes,when they are married this habit will help.
     
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  6. anjivicky

    anjivicky Bronze IL'ite

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    Well said Mahajanpragati! Atleast from now on, parents should realize the need to raise their boys in sucha way that they dont grow as a momma's boy. We should allow them to learn from their own mistakes rather that spoon feeding everything that he needs to know. That way, to a certain extent we can prevent the momma boys population, and thereby reduce the subsequent DIL problems.
     
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  7. darmesh

    darmesh Platinum IL'ite

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  8. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    some men ( or women) do not develop ability to take decision so they have to depend on their parents for making decisions.
    In many indian families it is way of showing respect and acceptance that they involve their parents in their important life decision.Not doing it make them feel, "our son forgot us after marriage".
     
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  9. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    In most Indian families, the decision of when to get married is taken by the parents. When a daughter is in her final year of graduation, parents start looking for a groom. Similarly, as soon as the son completes graduation and gets a job, the parents start looking for a bride. Neither have experienced romance or love and just know it through films/novels. Eventually, both are given a choice to select from a pre-screened ones and the decision is made within 20 mins or half an hour of private talk. Needless to say both are in their prime behavior for those 20 mins.

    The son does not have to woo/prove/impress the girl he is marrying. He gets the girl wrapped in tolas of gold by his in-laws.

    The son has seen his mother work hard and have cared for him over the years. Even if the son is 50/60 years old, the mother will still do his laundry, wash dishes, serve him off the stove, etc. So all the son expects is that the wife need to do what his mother did for him. He sees wife as a person to relive his mother from the daily duties. This is how mama's boys are born. This bond is strong and stays as long as the mother is alive.

    One possible solution could be to look for a boy who has stayed outside in a hostel or working at a place other than his hometown. Such boys are at least independent in most of household work, know how tiring or difficult or boring the household work is and hence may be more sympathetic to their spouses and may help out the spouse in daily chores.
     
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  10. Flyingsparks

    Flyingsparks Silver IL'ite

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    Dear akakanksha..it's not at all like that..i have been experiencing & seen many of my friends's dhs..my dh is in us since 2000.he got married in 2009.before that he was away from home for 7 yrs...he didn't learn much or he never shared with me that he did..his mom was always there between us..to screen what to come from his mouth..what to do etc etc..dh is very organized,neat, planned ..i am also like that..after living with him..i sometimes feel that i am not up to his mark...it's all because his mom taught him everything & who knows may be made him do things at home, help her..his brother is not like that..

    it's justt hat like how we get instructions before marriage ..they too get the instructions from their dear mom- don't help her, she is your wife & is supposed to do everything..don't talk to her parents often,never call them by ur selves, never entertain money matters with wife, etc etc...i have experienced all these..my mil told dh all thesein front me..i was helpless..it was in the initial days of our marriage..like an obedient student he heard,listened & follows...

    i have no option..
    QUOTE=Akanksha1982;3138856]In most Indian families, the decision of when to get married is taken by the parents. When a daughter is in her final year of graduation, parents start looking for a groom. Similarly, as soon as the son completes graduation and gets a job, the parents start looking for a bride. Neither have experienced romance or love and just know it through films/novels. Eventually, both are given a choice to select from a pre-screened ones and the decision is made within 20 mins or half an hour of private talk. Needless to say both are in their prime behavior for those 20 mins.

    The son does not have to woo/prove/impress the girl he is marrying. He gets the girl wrapped in tolas of gold by his in-laws.

    The son has seen his mother work hard and have cared for him over the years. Even if the son is 50/60 years old, the mother will still do his laundry, wash dishes, serve him off the stove, etc. So all the son expects is that the wife need to do what his mother did for him. He sees wife as a person to relive his mother from the daily duties. This is how mama's boys are born. This bond is strong and stays as long as the mother is alive.

    One possible solution could be to look for a boy who has stayed outside in a hostel or working at a place other than his hometown. Such boys are at least independent in most of household work, know how tiring or difficult or boring the household work is and hence may be more sympathetic to their spouses and may help out the spouse in daily chores.[/QUOTE]
     
    3 people like this.

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