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helping friend out of the way- right or wrong?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by sheesta, Jan 23, 2014.

  1. sheesta

    sheesta Bronze IL'ite

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    Recently, my husband's friend came to our place to give exam. During his i felt my husband was helping him out of of way which i felt wrong. here goes my description-

    Day 1- He came on weekend- My husband went to airport to pick him up and i prepared snack followed by dinner
    .
    Next day( day 2)- there was storm warning and my husband went to drop him to his hotel. he booked a hotel near to test centre.( distance around 60 miles)

    day 3- My husband had a job interview in another city in the morning. he left house around 10 A.M in morning and drove around 50 miles one way. He came back at 4P.M.
    He did even had proper tea/ snack, had to pick another friend(mutual) from his office and drove another 60 miles to pick his friend from hotel. It took almost one and half hr one way. On the way they ordered some food. and paid using my husband's credit card. 2 other friend's didn't paid(watever might be reason)
    They reached home around 8:30 P.M and at 11 p.m , my husband went to drop his 2nd friend.

    Day 4 (weekday)- My husband usually goes to office by bus. He went by car to drop his friend to airport, came back at 10 A.M, missed his bus, went to office by car. he could only park for 2 hrs. came back home , again took bus and went to office.

    I dont say we shd not help someone, but i feel my husband shd know his priorities, he shd have told his friend to take a cam when he had job interview and on week days when he had to go to office.
    I almost felt like he is driver. Otherwise i have no problem in hosting anyone but going out of way so help, i dont feel good. wat do u guys think?
     
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  2. sheesta

    sheesta Bronze IL'ite

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    Is it not worth replying?
     
  3. chkalyani

    chkalyani Gold IL'ite

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    For every good deed of ours, we are sure to get the returns for the same which could be at times more that what we have done. So your dh who is doing selfless service to his friends is sure to get back the returns in some form or the other.
     
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  4. Nadyne

    Nadyne Senior IL'ite

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    You are right Sheesta too much is too much. I think because we are raised this way we can't say no to a friend or a family member. If your husband keeps doing this, you kids will learn from him. It's unfortunately like a vicious circle that never ends.
    Try to discuss with him. Tell him that with his busy schedule, you miss spending some time with him......... you never know, maybe he will reconsider

    Good luck!!!

    Nadyne
     
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  5. samal

    samal Silver IL'ite

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    This friend could have been a friend in deed. So he is helping him, keeping aside his busy schedule. Sparing time for such friends is not at all wrong. Discuss with ur husband and try to know how his friend helped him in early days.
    Your husband helps all his friend and neighbours like this? then you have to worry.
     
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  6. anjivicky

    anjivicky Bronze IL'ite

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    Talk to your hubby and help him understand the value of his time and energy. He cannot sacrifice his personal time for his friends like that. As they say, Charity begins at home, Home-things first, others next. Help him understand his priorities so that he can manage his time in a better way. all the best !
     
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  7. aamrapali

    aamrapali Gold IL'ite

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    It is just one such occasion - we don't know the background - maybe your husband is repaying what his friend did for him in the past or may be some other obligation or just plain over-helpful nature. I would not interfere - it is his friend, let him do as he pleases, he never asked you to bend over backwards for his friend so that is a good thing.
     
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  8. englishtutorjul

    englishtutorjul Silver IL'ite

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    My opinion : Is your husband helping his friend out of the way? Yes, considering it upset his routine. It is nice to help people, but one must know where to draw the line.
    Is it right or wrong? That is very subjective. Was he a beneficiary of the said friend in the past? How much of a say you have over what your husband does? If it is significant, you can certainly try influencing him. If not, don't stress. Not worth it, unless the said friend is becoming a regular visitor, and taking your husband for granted.
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2014
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  9. saps105

    saps105 Gold IL'ite

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    it depends on the relation he shares with his friends. If it is a close friend then I think he will go out of his way to help. he may not do that for a not so close friend. I assume your hubby has a good relation with both friends. I would do it too for a close friend too and I would expect support from my hubby too. I would feel bad if my hubby will show resentment and doesn't support me, consider my friend as an inconvenience.

    As someone mentioned in another post maybe the friends may have helped him in the past.be supportive to your hubby. Your not being happy may hurt him you know..
     
  10. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,
    I must say your hubby is good ,kind man & best to cherish him.......I would also say you need to check your own priorities which doesn't let you appreciate a kind man like your hubby.............
    what sort of society we live in which won't let us appreciate any person who is being human & true friend .
    and yes,help at expense of personal discomfort is the best help & true indication of man
     
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