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Husband very typical.horrible married life.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by needhappylife, Dec 25, 2013.

  1. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    OP, I am not trying to hurt your feelings or attack your sentiments in any way. But these lines above make me think that you have deep ridden insecurity issues. As in you want your husband all for yourself - a kind of possessiveness. Usually insecurity leads to possessiveness. Start trusting your husband a little more - as in give him the freedom to have his own friends, hobbies and still be fearless that he would leave you because of another woman. Look at that woman's husband, he also could act like you and start spying on his wife, fighting with his wife? He does not do all that because he is trusting his wife and at the same time letting his wife have her own friends. He in turn is expanding his friends circle by being close to your husband. You guys can really be happy family friends, only if you are able to trust your husband a little more.

    I know your friends all act romantic and all, that does not mean yours is less of a marriage and you should be less happy with your husband. Just because your husband does not act romantic does not imply that he loves you less.
     
  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I wouldn't ever advise talking to the other woman or her husband, as they are party to, but not responsible for your husband's behavior and any related problems in your marriage. But, if you do talk to her husband, maybe tell him about the initial problem she shared with your H. Possibly then he will stop being fine with her chatting/emailing your H like she does.
     
  3. needhappylife

    needhappylife Junior IL'ite

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    Thanks riya. I am trying to trust but I feel once in a while why he has done so much chatting earlier though he knows I am suffering. This is for sure, he gives more importance to her among his friends but only after me, my kid, tht also I am not able to take it up giving importance for her. All these thoughts, some super suspicious thoughts comes in to my mind. Whenever I am idle, my brain thinks all these and it is getting effected.. suggest me how to overcome this problem, hw can I change behavior.
     
  4. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    You are more important to him and NOT her. Just think for yourself if you want to bring the world down and crucify your husband for those chats.

    Cheer up girl!! start planning your next vacation together :)
     
  5. arunasree

    arunasree New IL'ite

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    I Understand all your feelings and empathize with you.. You are intelligent enough and warm enough to know where sometimes you are over doing things and you even have a desire to control your self. Since you keep asking how to come out of this situation ,here is the feed back. So my loving caring suggestion is some times the insecurities inside us can make us react to situations like that. If some how you find a way to assure your self no matter who tries to come close to your husband it would not rock your marriage in any way. But you may want to stop rocking it yourself. You may want to drop that insecurity and feel that even if he gets closer to her or any one and start liking them more than you to a point he lies to you, you are so confident that he still loves you so deeply that nothing can change that. Believe unconditionally that his loyalty to you and your marriage is so strong that nothing can change it. Then it becomes easy for you todrop any behavior that can make it look like you are jealous. It helps him grow tremendous respect for you, and would think about lying to you. You believe that he needs you as much as you need him. Some where in our heart of hearts one can have these fears, even though one cannot acknowledge the fears. In fact your current reactions have more probability to affect the way he respects you. Lack of respect affects love. So pl avoid self fulfilling prophecy behaviour. So my suggestion is to improve your self esteem and self perception in a way that you feel so confident about your self . Then you would explore your ways to looking good, attractive , and by displaying your warm lovable nature to him and to the world around you, then he develops / increases intense love and respect for you that should help him stop lying to you. Then no matter how your husband talks to any one,or writes to any one or chats with any one, you wont feel threatened in any way. (even without your knowledge this can happen) But you have to feel very very confident about his love for you. you ultimately need to feel so confident that even if he is in love with any one, or chatting with any one you so strongly believe that he would come back to you, as you are the gem he values. You need to find ways/ actions to believe that nothing can ever draw him away from you. Then even when you see him holding hands with the most beautiful woman in the world, you will not feel angry, threatened or insecure, or feel the need to spy or follow up on him.you wont even try to follow his next steps to check on him to know where that action has lead to or would lead to. It is advisable to stop building insecurities in your mind as that can immediately bring peace of mind to you. Also, the confident loving nature of yours that he sees in you can make him feel insecure to a point that he may want to display more love towards you , and may start doing things that you like or enjoy, which is what you want. It is not easy way for you, but it is a way some women handle to maintain the sanctity at home. Based on your situation it is a way that both of you can live in peace. Good luck to you and for a very happy family. Lots of love
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2014
  6. Aleprabhu

    Aleprabhu New IL'ite

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    Hi dear, i hope you are doing well!! My advice for you is, dont feel sad and confused. Try to spend more time with your husband, go often for vacaction, i may say twice in a year, beach is a good option! And accept your husband with all his defects, decide to love him, above all the problems, anyway nobody is perfect. Look beautiful for him, and dont worry anymore, keep everything in God's hands.
     
  7. indoc

    indoc Gold IL'ite

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    LOL.. Daddy.. reminds me of Robin Williams's classic standup "live on broadway"..
    who's your daddy, who's your daddy..
     

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