Need help in regaining self confidence

Are looks and skin complexion really so important that you are loosing your sleep over it???? Your baby must have taken many good qualities from your side. Like some talent (singing, painting), caring nature, intelligence, stability of temper, high principles etc. Of course he/she must be too young for you to realize it now. But as he/she grows up, you would start seeing it. And so will your husband and in-laws. Don't fret over those snide comments now. Trust Time. It will show them what is what.

 

It is good that you have shifted focus from extended family to focusing on yourself - only this time, unfortunately you are focusing on the negative aspects.

I don't know about you but I truly believe that every person looks good in his/her own way. There is a lot of your mind and heart that shows outside on to your face. As for really superficial external appearance such as "obese, dark, skinny, hairy, bald", etc. just about almost everything has a solution and can be fixed. Having a good color sense, learning to dress appropriately for one's physique, knowing the right make up and hair style, and carrying oneself gracefully makes a huge difference.

As for your inner fears about your in-laws poisoning your child's mind, while I really loved your attitude about exposing your kids equally to both grandparents, you can keep downplay it a bit and keep it to minimum for sometime till you feel comfortable. I think the potential for in-laws to turn a kid against their own mother is slight, though not impossible. So if you are afraid, just keep it low for sometime so you get peace of mind.

By the way, I must say you are handling your situation with amazing poise and grace and doing all the right things.

Aamrapali

 

If your in laws are going to continue talking nonsense about your child's looks...it is better you keep minimum contact between them and your child. They have taken away your confidence and self worth. Don't let those low lives do that to your child.

 

I agree with yellow mango. In laws are surely capable of putting inferiority complex in your childs mind by commenting on physical appearance. So dont allow your child to be alone with them. Always be with your child when inlaws are around.

 

Hugs dear friend!


It is not what others think about you, but how you look at yourself matters! I see a bold, an educated woman in you! I see a good mother who does not want to misguide her kid! Everyone has their share of problems in this world! But if your inlaws has prob with your appearance, that's their problem, not yours!

What makes you feel inferior? Nobody is inferior to anyone in this world. Never mind what inlaws say... Just bcos your appearance does not appeal to them, that does not make your inferior! come on dear, you are educated!

You are educated, you take your decisions, you are a very good mother! If you want to convey something to your inlaws, just tell your kid, right in front of them, "commenting others physical appearance is the worst thing an educated person can do. Lets not be a bad example".

Shine high and show the world, you are superior to your struggles! "No matter how a woman looks like, if she is confident, she is sexy - Oprah Winfrey"

Very good luck

 

Dear Op,

It does not look like you are lacking in confidence.

You are probably a little more sensitive to criticism than other people.

People will continue to say things,you don't have to listen to them. Just believe that you are the best that you can be, if you love and look upto yourself, then it will automatically reflect in your personality and others too will also perceive you that way.

Remember it is you who decides how other people will treat you.

The thing about your baby looking upto his grandperants and aunt, and not looking upto to you is just in your mind, start looking at life positively and such thought will not come to your mind.

Now coming to your relationship with your hubby, sometimes men get carried away by their parent's words..... But come on now, he is your sweet hubby after all! Doesn't he deserve a second chance? Poor guy, he has been trying to make it upto you for so long. Just tell him, it deeply hurts you when he puts you down for your appearance, and ask him not go into that zone again. Just forgive him and put it behind you, and move on

 

Tell your inlaws that you wznt your son to be a good human being.

 

All you need is a hard heart at this point. Help yourself with good clothes, nice haircut and decent makeup that best suits you. You may take the help of a stylist. Dress your kid the same way, so that he doesn't feel inferior in front of anybody in the whole world. These days, it is possible to make anybody look good with nice makeover, so don't loose heart. Most importantly, when your in-laws criticize you or your kid, defend and say 'good people see the inner beauty, whereas the bad ones are just blind to see it'. If they fail to understand you, that is their problem. Equip yourself and your kid with skills and talents that you both have got, so that it covers your skin and shows out the glitters. Finally, those who criticize will keep criticizing. turn a deaf ear and leave them behind and progress forward to achieve your goals, nobody can stop you both. All the best and God bless !!

 

Let me tell you. My MIL gave a HUGGGEEE inferiority complex to my DD because she was not 'fair'.(My MIL is also not fair skinned FYI). Whenever she visits, she puts all sorts of pastes (turmeric and milk cream, red sandal paste,yellow sandal paste ,even wheat flour!!) all in the name of improving her color..And she would constantly say 'dont eat this- you are already fat.dont eat too much chocolate,thats why ur tummy has come out'..She would apply fair-n-lovely to my then 4 year old daughter!!And the poor thing came to me and started asking me questions like 'Amma, am I ugly?why does dadi keep trying to make me beautiful?'. Thats when I realized how much of damage the stupid lady had done. I reassured my DD that there is no additional benefit in being 'fair' skinned -its how you behave that matters..But even now, my DD has not come out completely of the 'I think I am not beautiful' complex.
The point is, kids get influenced fast. Keep an eye on what is spoken in front of them about looks and color of skin. And reassure them that looks are not the most important thing in the world- and if anyone does tell them about their skin color - give examples of succesful ppl in the world who were not 'fair' skinned.