how do husband feels when wife cry.

Sheesta
I can see where u r coming from but here is a thought for u..
When u are down ..u really dont want ur DH to go down with u. U want him to pull u up.No?
I see couples both ways..but I prefer the latter..simply because its more practical.
There are times when I am really down and more often than not..its because
of things outside both of our control. Those times it really helps when he stays supportive without becoming too emotional and crippling himself. I like to take my time to bounce back..he needs to hold the home fort for me.
Men are practical beings and may be ur DH feels this way and its his way of showing love?

 

I am sure your husband must be unhappy seeing your cry. Who in their right mind would be happy when their spouse is crying and the mood all around is depressing? For sure, he must be feeling awful seeing you crying. He may be thinking that you need your personal space, to get yourself sorted.

That said, why do you think he should express his emotions to you in the way you expect them to be? We all are different. Just because, he doesn't show his sadness explicitly doesn't mean he is not as unhappy as you are. It is just that his way of expression is different.

I fully agree with Ansuya. Her advice is always bittersweet but highly practical. If you have something bothering your mind, just share it with your husband. Sharing would lessen your burden. Crying takes away the focus from what is bothering you and simply shows that you are broken and are hopeless yourself of improving your situation.

 

Dear Sheesta,

I don't know how to say it diplomatically without hurting your feelings in anyway. You know as an adult that crying is no solution when you feel home sick. You know already that you are far away from home for a reason.

From your post, it looks like you are a person who seeks a lot of attention. Some husbands give tablets or apply balm in the forehead of wife if she suffers from headache while others just ask wife to go to a doctor or take some OTC medicine.

Men are not emotional, in general and there could be some exceptions. My logic tells me to talk to a person who is sad and crying to find out what is bothering her and not join her in feeling sad. Only reason why you are crying is because you are alone away from home, your husband may not have any solution. If you cry for other reasons, you have to express it clearly to him. You also said that you are generally reserved and don't express your emotions to him. I really don't know how he can support you, unless you share your feelings with him. Don't expect him to make the first step to ask you and you reach out to him seeking help.

I have no doubts in my mind he loves you so much but he does not know how to resolve your issues. From your post, it gives me an impression that he is willing to listen and do whatever is necessary to remove your pain, if you are ready to share.
You already feel he is honest and why do you suspect he does not love you?

Most of the time, the conflict is inside of us and if we can clearly thing through, we can resolve them. I know you asked opinion from ladies but I could not help responding to this post.

Please forgive me if my words hurt you in anyway. My intention is to make you feel comfortable and live a happy life with your husband.

Viswa

 

My husband gets extremely irritated if I cry...in the initial years I could see raw violence in his eyes if there wer tears in my eyes... he probably felt utterly helpless and hated being put in that position..

over the years..

1) I rarely shed tears.. I cry only on those occassions when crying is the only way for my pent up emotions to leave my mind... its those moments when "you can't join them, you cant beat them and you can't leave them" ... in these moments I lock myself up in the bathroom.. and no one really knows that I have cried.

2) Having said that I have had enough discussions with my husband to make him understand that there are times that crying is the only way I can let out my emotions (anger, disappointment, hurt etc etc) .. I have explained him that I don't expect "anything" from him when I cry (be it sympathy, feeling my pain or whatever it is) and he has grown agreeable to this pact... he does feel restless if at all he realises that I have cried...but thats about it... no anger no irritation...


3) I talk to him about what I was going through later when I have calmed down..


My personal view - as Ansuya writes its better to set the expectations right so that you don't put the other person in a spot...

 

Don't generalize "the women"

The women in my life have been quite calm and resilient in some of very trying situations of our family life. They were an inspiration for me and others in my family.

You have in the other thread, a husband who was nagging his wife for sitting beside her dad in the driver seat rather than beside him on a short journey. He went even to the extent of complaining it to other relatives. He had his whole life to live with her but yet he has to compete with the relationship she shares with her father. Does this mean that all men have "doctored the art" of being insecure in their relationships?

You will get all sorts of women like you get all sorts of men.

 

good lord! the woman reacts to her feelings by having a good cry. why are people projecting all sorts of labels on that? honestly, she sounds a touch depressed.

OP, i have to ask though- nobody can react to a particular emotion in the exact same way that you do, why does this create a feeling of insecurity regarding his love for you? if he entirely ignored you or belittled these crying jags, maybe there is some basis for calling him insensitive, you say he does come and sit by you and talks. that should be reassuring. rest is just a guy thing.