What to talk and what not to talk to fiance?

You are going to marry this girl. So, talk about everything! Just don't dwell on your previous relationships, girlfriends/ crushes.

Remember
- no personal attacks
- no silly jokes on her
- be respectful and diplomatic even if you disagree with her
- don't tell her what to talk/ how to dress; let her be
- be sincere in your compliments
- be diplomatic in conveying your point if you ever feel the need to criticise

Good luck

 

Be yourself

 

Guy's perspective,

Apart from the above points which I totally agree, always listen with patience first about what fiance needs to talk to you.

Talk about close family members[mom, dad, sister etc] their viewpoints[any aspect she has to adjust later so that she can decide whether to continue this relationship or not] and any other aspects so that you are preparing your would be for a smooth ride later, so that she does not find surprises in your married life. It is also a two way street to understand fiance's side family's viewpoints etc.

Make it clear about your financial strengths and future plans. I believe finances are very important to be shared before the marriage as later you don't have to listen to your wife's cribs:bang.

Lastly get an agreement on how big would be your family size later so that it is not a surprise for you later. I am currently facing this issue as I had implicitly agreed for 3 member family and now I am being forced to agree for a minimum of 5 member family and I have reconciled to 4 member team as of now thinkingsmiley. So this is very important point from a GUYS perspective.

:welcome to Married folks Club !!!!

Just enjoy the roller coaster RIDE dude !!!!

 

She won't be wrong in demanding a separate home as after all it is herself who has to live with your parents (note that she is not demanding you to live along with her parents). It is not your prerogative that she should agree to live with your parents, as it is she who has to face the good or bad that comes out of such arrangement.

That said, any decision like living together with your parents should happen because you both agree to it and more importantly because she is comfortable living along with you parents. How would she (or you) know whether she will be comfortable or not, without her knowing much about you or your parents? Therefore, even if she agrees, such agreements prior to marriage can't be binding as they are made without enough prior information and based on future unpredictable events.

It is good that you are thinking about these things prior to marriage. However, if she is not agreeable with living along with your parents, then you should look for another girl who agrees. No point in trying to make her agree as even if she agrees on your insistence, few years/months down the line she may still demand a separate home.

 

The following applies to either of you.

1. Try to disclose/talk more about yourself without interviewing or asking more/similar questions to your partner. Let them decide what to disclose/ask.
2. Compatibility - If not from same cast/culture/religion/language/custom, then talk about how would you both bridge that gap.
3. if both working, what are the career paths and would those path be pursued after kids and how.
4. Introduce your friends (permanent ones) and make sure your partner is comfortable with them. if of other gender, make sure proximity is discussed
5. Inform hobbies/interests and how much time/money you spend on them.
6. Food compatibility - veg/non-veg/spicy/sweet/multi-cuisine/
7. Sleeping habits - early riser/late nighter/snoring
8. Work out habits - biking,hiking/gym
9. Dreams - what you dreams you had about your partner.
10. Joint family/independence - Your partner must be knowing this by now.you both need to figure whether this can be worked out or not.
11. religion following - discuss if you are religious and expect your partner to follow or not follow you. one may go to temple daily and the other may not be willing to go that often.
12. Medical history - disclose any surgeries/disease/current medications if any
13. Other habits - drinking/smoking/other
14. Personal preferences - Colors/life style/traveling/gadgets/shopping (some people like to shop and some don't. Do you expect your partner to be with you while shopping if the partner doesn't like to?)
15. Social media - FB/twitter/others - what type of friends you have, how much time you spend on that.

I am sure above is not a complete list but could provide a start. The more ways you both are compatible, the more better your married life will be. Hope this helps.

 

16. Finances - will you keep finances separate or together? Who decides on major expenses ? Do you help each others families ? Does both have equal rights to gift to their respective families?
17. Baba/guru impact - have a friend whose DH consults his baba or guru in all decisions including traveling abroad for vacations.

cant stress enough on bad habits. Had called husband of a friend for dinner as she is in India. The husband came and was smelling of smoke. Was telling my DH that his wife does not know about it and we should keep it that way.

 

It is good idea to discuss living arrangements. Where? Close to parents or with parents? Are you both flexible about it depending on the situation? Good time to set each other's expectations right.