Parents are only son's responsibility?

This applies to both son and daughter - What should you do if the spouses are not keen on the idea of parents living together? I have seen this situation over and again in children settled abroad. If the parent needs care what is the best way to handle the situation? whats the best compromise?

 

I use to think that too but now 12 year of marriage mother should told me in so many ways that I am an out sider. Now I don't bother. I think its all depends on what is this the thinking in family.

 

We owe our love and time to parents, no matter if its a son or a daughter! When parents did not show any partiality in bringing us up, we should not be biased too.

I am deeply disturbed by this ONLY SON RESPONSIBILITY. IF it is only son's resp, why are women not happy about MIL and FIL? If every woman is happy, why do we have mil dil threads?

At times, even women like us carry that wrong conception in the heart. I do agree that life may not be the same after wedding, but your responsibility to your parents remains unaltered. In the first place, when did they become our "responsibility"? Isn't this a wrong term? They are a part of us!

Remember you may not be a queen to your DH, but always a princess to your parents! All those who try to move away from this responsibility can very well assume, what goes around would come around! When your kids do not see your parents with you, they would never find a reason to take you with them in your old age!

 

This is the key. If both girl child and boy child are given equal opportunities for education, then parents become responsibility of girl and boy children.

Another key issue is inheritance. While the parents are free to give their assets to whoever they please, if a pattern emerges in such a way that parents are passing majority of their wealth to only sons because they retain the last name, then girl children might feel discouraged.

 

If the daughter is asked to completely forget her family as soon as she gets married, because the husband's family is now her "new" or "only" family, then we can see how this idea of only a son being responsible for his parents would have evolved.

After all, if a daughter is forced to abandon her mother and father because she has been married (excuse me, except for when they are "needed" to take care of her during pregnancy/childbirth), it is highly unlikely that she would be "allowed" to see to the needs of her aging/ailing parents.

If each of these customs/rules are seen within the historical framework of a patriarchal society, they all make sense (and it is easy to see why they were invented, no matter what more noble aspirations some people like to attribute to them).

Take away this natural bias towards the male (except in this case, where the son is expected to do everything for his parents because the daughters have defected to opposition camps) and it all falls apart. After all, you can't have it both ways in a system that is unbalanced. Except the system finds a way to maintain the imbalance, hence the development of the preference for boy children.

It is highly unlikely, given globalization and exposure to worlds that emphasize human rights and equality, that such customs/ways of thinking will survive much longer. We're the last few unlucky generations to deal with this kind of antiquated thinking.

 

One question to these ladies: How many of you constantly complain that your in-laws are your responsibility? As a daughter you don't want to take care of your parents, and as a daughter in law you are upset that your in-laws are your responsibility. You can't have it both ways. As one of 2 daughters of my parents, I would be so happy if I had the opportunity to actually be there for them 24/7 even though they don't need it.

 

DK1, since your question is for all the posters in this (i am one of them too)..

For me, my ILs and parents are equal responsibility and i am always there for them as needed..

 

Ideally both sons and daughters should. But coming to real situation, taking care means not only sharing financial needs from a distance, but also giving company in old age specially when there is no brother and when one of the parents dies.
Now suppose a lady is living with her DH and ILs and her father dies, can she bring her mom to her place to live with her. While MIL cannot tolerate the DIL only, will she tolerate her mom???
I can tell from my own exp, when my mom came to take care of me during my pregnancy that too because my MIL was not with me, when my mil came for a few days and saw my mom at home in charge of kitchen etc, all hell broke loose as my mil severely misbehaved with her. So much so, that I had to send my mom back with an insult. I will never forgive my mil for that incident, may be I will never be good DIL to her after that as well..but what about my mom? will I be able to bring my mom home as long as my mil is here? And she will always be here as my DH only son and it is his responsibility to take care of his parents. Do I have an option?