need guidance

Priya,
sounds like you are describing my DD when she was younger. She was super smart but could not focus much. I jumped through lots of hoops but nothing worked. Finally, one of her teachers suggested something. I thought she knows nothing, she has no clue how my dd is but I gave it a try anyways. It worked wonders. My dd is now completely independent, gets good grades and I never have to sit with her unless it is a complex math issue.
What we did was this, instead of making her sit for an entire hour and getting her to start dreaming in between, I would time her. Give her 10 mins, pick just one or two paragraphs or problems but make her sit in her room for the entire time. I would switch on a timer and she had to finish that portion in 10 mins. All doubts will be addressed only after she has worked on it for the entire 10 mins. If she has not finished or does not answer satisfactorily, continue the loop. Once she quickly finishes and will be done before the 10 mins is up, up her workload and give her 20 mins worth of work. Continue doing this until she can handle a few pages at a time and then chapters at a time. It took us a year of doing this but it was worth the effort. DD is now completely independent. The entire class goes for extra classes and such, she does not. She focuses on grade level and is extremely good. Btw, I noticed that here in the US, people do tend to push for higher math levels and let the kids go ahead and do work that are two grade levels higher. It's a sort of peer pressure that my dd was always worried that her friends are better than her. What I did was lower my expectations. I want her basics to be strong. She is already one grade advanced in math and that's enough. That's how much she can do with all her other activities. Once I told her how proud I was of all she has been doing, she does not care for the peer pressure anymore. She'll learn 8th grade maths eventually, in the meantime she is learning life skills, which will help her outside of maths.
I did see a dramatic improvement in focus once she started swimming. Looks like that's her activity of choice. She is in a swim team that focuses of building endurance and stamina. She swims daily but that discipline has taught her to pay closer attention to details. Btw, if she does not like an activity I can see it. Effort will not be put. Find a good physical activity for her to pursue outside of studies, if you already haven't done so. Once she starts playing sports or dance or something she will eventually learn to pay attention.

 

Priya,
Don't beat yourself up. We all learn from our mistakes! She is still young and your DH will hopefully learn in time that there are more important things than being a grade level higher in school.
In the meantime, you tell her how proud you are of all her achievements. Give her a lot of positive reinforcements. Don't make small failures big deals. She will eventually get there.
Try to give importance to her likes and include those activities in her life. It's going to help her in her studies. Maybe try telling dad that this will help her focus better so lets give it a shot. It's tough to find something they genuinely like but once you find it, she will excel at it.
Make sure dad is encouraging her positively. Even if he doesn't say it you tell her that Dad is so proud because you did ---- . I've noticed DD wants validation from dad and is so happy when he compliments her.

It's tough when both parents can't come to an agreement on what to do. I'm sure Shanvy will have suggestions to tackle dad. She is one smart and experienced mommy. Teacher also may have inputs on lowering dads expectations. Lets hope they visit this thread.
You already are doing good. You already know she needs your attention and are finding ways to fix it. That itself is a good first step.

 

Actually that is a great idea! Make sure she needs lots of points added up to buy one thing. As long as you don't go overboard it should work.
I started a no TV during the weekdays rule at my place for her. She needed to earn TV privilidges. She could watch one of her favorite tv programme if she completed a chapter in a couple of days, even though it was a weekday. Just to watch over the weekdays she would work towards it.
I'm sure the points system you have will work too. Once you give your word, stick to it thought. That will give her enough motivation. Btw, music is really good to improve focus. Does she like to play the piano? Try telling her how good she is at it when she practices. That should help too.

L