1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Moved out to live my life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by vinumithra, Nov 29, 2013.

  1. sapthu02

    sapthu02 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    977
    Likes Received:
    541
    Trophy Points:
    190
    Gender:
    Female
    Congrats Vinu for taking a brave decision.
    I read through your complete thing and you had been patient and tolerant enough to be this today.

    Now coming to the point. Its your life. you have the right to decide. When you have already done it and also considering the fact about your sons future and life. Its the best decision i would say.

    Now .. Who is there to support you? Are they a strong support. Becoz thats what the most important thing that you need in your life now.

    Money cannot fix anything. You can join courses and join in awesome jobs and make money. But save that for your and sons future but never estimate and expect that more money can change your husband attitude to say sorry or feel bad about losing you both. Money can give you a strong feeling that you arent financially dependent and that will help you to win.

    More than all these thoughts, gyan and advices, its your mind. You should first relax and control your mind. Be peaceful only then you can decide and help your son decide too.

    So my suggestion is to join some meditation class for a month. In a week you will see some change and that will help you to change your life even better. !!

    All the very best!!!!!!!!!
     
    1 person likes this.
  2. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,838
    Likes Received:
    2,579
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Extramarital affairs are not just and only about sex, you know. I'm at a complete loss at how to understand why this cheating, wife-abusing jerk (sorry, OP) is being given so much benefit of the doubt.

    And if this guy has not had inappropriate physical contact with one of his "friends"(shirtless Bollywood frolicking in a waterfall, anyone?), I'm a monkey's uncle.

    Or maybe they all do just get together to drink Milo and play Scrabble.
     
    12 people like this.
  3. simpleMom

    simpleMom Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    901
    Likes Received:
    797
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Fantastic first step.

    Moving on to the next steps

    1. Are you filing for divorce? You and your child are entitled to some money from your husband. Do not let it go.

    2. Collect as much evidence as possible
    When your husband caught your neck tight, there were few family members right. Can you use some of them as witnesses? Photos on Facebook, SMSs etc can be useful too.

    3. You have mentioned about legal ways of earning money. Please be aware that there is only one way to earn money and that is legal way. Do you have money for basic survival? Do you have access to joint bank account? How about withdrawing some money for your use? Please explore this option. (Legal of course)

    4. Which technical courses are you planning to pursue? Do they align with your education? Is anyone giving you career guidance?

    5. If your husband comes and begs you, please do not go to him. It is not worth living life with a man who wants a wife just as a status symbol. He has personality disorders. You have full freedom not to standby your husband through thick and thin. Let him resolve his issues. They are not your problem.

    Congratulations on making a decision. 0.00000..1% of people have that courage. If you have further queries, please post here.
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2013
    2 people like this.
  4. vinumithra

    vinumithra Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    19
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi SimpleMom,


    Thankyou . You guided me in my previous post as well.Right now I have money for my basic survival . I am already placed in a good concern. I have my colleagues guidance for my career. The technical course which I like to prefer is associated with my Job. It will hep me a lot in promotion stuffs.


    Right now I am not planning for divorce but I doesn;t mean that I have a soft corner for that bloody I cannot find enough time as I need to concentrate more on my career. I have stored many photos and infact showed the same to their parents too but they told me its a just a matter like custard why do u want to make big??. As boys parents are always with his sons side. They didnt even mind to ask him about the issue which happened in function..Never mind


    I like to thanku all for boosting me . Especially breeze01, Anushya and simplemom. Thank you all for the guidance too. Started to move on the path to succeed him. I have hope on me. Will definetely keep you posted after my sucess.


    Take Care ALL
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. simpleMom

    simpleMom Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    901
    Likes Received:
    797
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Happy to help.

    I request you not to pressurize yourself too much about "success", "achieving more than him" etc. Please focus on how to make your life worth while - child, career, money, health, other family relationships.

    There is great joy in getting rid of people that bring only negativity into life. You just did that. I can't tell you how happy I am for you. Good Luck.
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. Uttaraa

    Uttaraa Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    985
    Likes Received:
    1,835
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    OP,

    I'm sorry to read what you are going through. It disheartens to hear of the sordid tale of your spouse's escapades; and slapped facetious remarks on seeking answers to his erratic behavior. Some of your naive queries on acceptable level of perversion and concessional reasoning of prosocial enthusiasm in your husband tells me that you have been too immersed in your little-world that you have not looked around to assess what a 'honorable' and 'respectful' marriage entails. As you have moved out, take time to establish in career, attend few courses, observe social interactions, study people around and decide later if your husband's behavior is something that you can put up going forward. Also, from your earlier threads, your quest for 'mantra', 'supplications', 'bezoars' to vanquish marital discord and cure your errant spouse might land you in trouble. Religion is a powerful tool to overcome lot of obstacles in life by giving the strength to pursue our values, it can become our weakness when we rely solely on it to resolve all our problems. Mind, you are in a very vulnerable and dejected state, don't let anyone exploit by selling sorcerer's stone from Timbuktu to you that will mend the Casanova trait in your spouse.

    Good luck!

    The magnanimous gesture here to cast light on EMA semantics is thoroughly amusing. 'Honour' of a woman is not only robed with immodest assault; but also robed when a family, wife & kid's pride is mauled with seedy and dishonorable acts of the spouse, whence the wife has every right to question the validity of her commitment. I work in a team with all men, does not mean I go skinny dipping or water splashing trips with my colleagues (here the OP even says she is not sure who they are even), if I were in a committed relationship, and my partner is uncomfortable, and has hinted it several times; and is straining my relationship. In fact if I were to do that, perhaps, a lot of sensible men would withdrew from me respecting their respective partner's feelings. We live in a world where men and women walk, work and run the society together but that should not mean we get away with some of the sleaziness in the guise of 'modernity' when it causes discomfort to people who love us and then educate them on progressive culture.
     
    4 people like this.
  7. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,633
    Likes Received:
    4,991
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Courageous Great Step OP. Tried to put myself in your shoes and couldn't imagine how you tolerated for so long. Hope you don't go back like last time. Prayers for you. God bless you.
     
  8. misspink14

    misspink14 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    43
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    Just bide your time and get all the evidence also talk with a very good lawyer. This will help your case. The abuse that he did is not right and he should be punished, also he has not had any concern of the child, this raises many red flags to me.
     
  9. lucky22

    lucky22 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    329
    Likes Received:
    353
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Right, but he seems to have emotional affair with many of them....
     
  10. MaliniHari

    MaliniHari Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    584
    Likes Received:
    541
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Salute the bold decision. "Be like a Phoenix. Rise from your ashes" :)
     

Share This Page