Teaching mother tongue to US born kids

It is not that difficult to make kids speak your language. You just have to insist that they talk your language at home and also make them talk in your language when they talk to their grandparents or other relatives over phone.

My older one is very comfortable talking in both the languages and he can switch between languages with ease. The only thing i used to do is talk to him in Kannada and make him tell the same thing in Kannada whenever he used English at home. Ofcourse my Mom and my MIL can only converse in Kannada and when he spoke with them he had no other choice.

When we visit India I have seen people trying to talk to him in English and it surprises them when he says Kannada Baruthe( Meaning I know Kannada)

He now asks me a Kannada translation to certain words like light bulb which i myself dont know

 

My DD started going to private school when she was like 34 months, close to 3, for full day, all 5 days. But thankfully, she speaks our native language at home and is proficient in English too. We always talk to her in Tamil and she responds in Tamil only. She will be 5 soon, and has been continuing this for the last 2 years. I hope this will not change when she goes to kindergarden.

 

Earlier I used to worry about this topic so much. After seeing many families and discussing with like-minded friends now Im at ease.

I feel it will be easy to teach mother tongue if you have a single child. If there are two kids and if one speaks english the other one will not be ready to speak in mother tongue. It is still ok if kids understand mother tongue but not reply.

We need to understand a similar situation when we were kids. We could pick up our mother tongue easily because that was mostly spoken at home, cousins and family members and english was minority. It works the same ways for them. My kids understand mother tongue and reply in english and im okay with it.

In this generation kids have more peer pressure (than what we had) and try to prove themselves. We need to be amongst like-minded people to get the final effect of seeing our kids speaking the mother tongue at all times.

It is a very challenging task and not everytime we have the same patience to deal with the situation. I also realised that irrespective of the language we speak to communicate, our love and affection for kids remains the same which is more important to me.

Once kids start kindergarten, english has more impact on their minds. This is very common.

On a diff note, I have seen Indian parents saying that the mother tongue kids speak in US has americanised accent and not pure. So the list is endless.

Kids speaking in any language should be given as a choice and not imposed. JMO.

 

As usual, here's my scandalous reply. Hold on to your hats, ladies.

I grew up NOT speaking my mother tongue (neither did my parents). I don't plan to teach my daughter any Indian language, because she lives in and is a citizen of a predominantly-English-speaking country, and is already learning Spanish at her school, which I think is a more practical language for her to know in this country, and many others.

I think this should be something each family decides on its own. My husband and I have had, and continue to have, a lot of "subtle" pressure from our Indian friends, colleagues, and random associates (even people we are only meeting once, and will never meet again) who seem to enjoy telling us what a big mistake we're making by not teaching our child an Indian language. This, despite the fact that I am standing there in front of them, not speaking an Indian language, and not having had any catastrophe befall me. It confuses and amuses me that while I am not telling them not to teach their child their native language, they feel perfectly within their rights to tell me to teach my child my native language (which is English, as far as I'm concerned).

Although this was not at all my life plan, I ended up marrying an Indian man from India, and lived in India for a year, not speaking any Indian language, working and taking public transport (in Delhi) and communicating with Indian family and friends. So, even that did not work out badly.

Given my personal experience, I have come to the conclusion that wanting to teach your child your language (when you live outside of India, and don't plan to ever move back) is an emotional and sentimental choice. There's nothing wrong with this, and I think it is a worthwhile endeavor if it is important to you, unless and until it becomes a problem for your child.

If your child is not too happy about learning/speaking his native tongue, and forcing this on them causes stress and conflict, then I think it might be more practical (and healthier for the child) to abandon this idea, even if it threatens to break your heart. I can assert from personal experience that growing up outside of India, and not having this language/culture reinforced by environment and those around you, makes it a difficult task for some.

Again, let me say (for the third time), that I don't have a problem with native language learning. I am, however, saying that perhaps it should not be absolutely mandatory unless the child wants it too, and I'm saying that the child's sensitivities and preferences are important. I don't think it's fair for our child to be expected to behave, think, and act as if they are in/from Country X (for me, this is South Africa, for my husband, it is India) when they have been born, and grow, live and learn, in Country Y (apart from occasional, short visits to country X).

This is not about forgetting your roots; it is about letting your child plant his own roots in his country of birth. As such, it might be a good idea to examine strongly-held beliefs and "givens" in the interests of a child's health and happiness.

 

My one simply refuses...he understands every single word but gets back in English..my husband speaks to him in our language....but its not getting him into it...I am confused myself.shakehead

 

My 3 yr old has been going to daycare/school since she was 6 months old and is as fluent as she can be for her age in Tamil and English.

Of course, she sometimes tends to speak in English at home, but we insist that she repeat what she just said in Tamil and she does. We keep telling her that she can speak in English at school and outside, but to amma/appa/paati/thatha etc. etc, she has to speak in Tamil. When she does speak in Tamil, I appreciate her with a "good girl" or some such little verbal reward.

Another factor that immensely helped IMO was that we exposed her to Tamil cartoons from a very early age. We have Tamil channels at home and when her TV time is done, we do not refrain from watching tamil channels with her around. Both my husband and I are not big believers of not watching Tamil movies or shows in front of her. Unless it is too violent or too risque, we do not really control what's playing on TV when she's around. At sleep time, we tell her stories in Tamil. Even when we read an English book, I translate it to her or ask her questions about it in Tamil. For eg. if I am reading "the little duck was scared to go in the water...." I then ask her "duckie ku enna aachu.. en thanni la pogale" and she would reply "bayamaa irukku adhukku" or something like that. It has helped us so far. I don't know what will happen when she grows a little older, but for now this is working and I plan to keep it going.

More importantly, I make sure that my husband and I also speak to each other in Tamil or speak to her in Tamil, always. I think all these factors would help.

 

Anusya. Can't agree more that's one reason I never forced anything on DD eventhough I crave internally that she speak Tamil. We both are happy that she is communicating well and understand our language but sometimes these taunts from others makes me carried away eventhough I never tried to change what I was doing. I was just wondering am I the one in wrong who doesn't care for mother tongue ? I lovey language but I just didn't feel I have the right to force it what I like one DD so cut it lose. I am happy as long as I don't get hear any nonsense from other like oh she doesn't speak Tamil my son does very fluently.

 

Chitra, I'm glad you understood what I was saying. I'm not undermining the importance of the survival of mother-tongue languages outside of mother countries; I'm simply saying it is a choice, and a personal one. Like you, I am affected by the strong negative reaction of others to the choice my husband and I have made. It is hard not to think we are doing something wrong just because everyone else has made a different choice. But when we stop to think what is truly important to us, we are able to pick our battles more wisely.

I have a lot of respect for people who continue to ensure the survival of their cultures and languages outside of their home countries, but this must be balanced with practicality and consideration for the child. If my child shows interest in her parents' foreign roots, we will indulge her as much as she wants. If she is more comfortable figuring out her own identity in her country of birth, then that's what she must do.

As for the "Oh, your daughter doesn't speak Tamil? My son is fluent in three Indian languages and plays the sitar. Next year, when he turns six, we're going to start him reading the Rigveda in its original Sanskrit" kind of comments, you know what's going on there. As much as it might rankle, I think we have to remind ourselves it's more a matter of competition than any real consideration for a child's welfare or the survival of culture.

So no, I don't think you're in the wrong, and you're the kind of person I was hoping would read my original post. At the end of the day, each family should do what is right for them. Hopefully, we're getting to the day when this is not such a cause for shock and horror in our larger immigrant communities.

 

Ansuya, I am just curious... at what point do you stop shaping the child's identity and let her transition to the point where she makes her own? I mean, aren't all we do for the kids, whatever they may be in some form or the other toward shaping their identities? Dressing them up a certain way so they identify with a certain gender. Buy a home in a paticular neighborhood so we (and the kids) identify with a certain class of people, be friends with certain kind of people so we (and the kids) identify with certain kinds of people. So... how do you decide in what points you shape her identity versus where you give her the free rein of creating her own?

OP, sorry for this digression on this thread. Let me know if you don't want this here.

Edited to add - Ansuya, please do not take this question as any kind of judgment towards the choices you have made. I am just trying to understand your perspective. I am not judging you in any form, I promise.