In Laws visiting us for 3 months and I am scared!

Let him get all worked up, shout throw a fit What ever. You dont care. Just listen in one ear and let go in the other. Think like a 2 year old actions to please mom from H. Why are you creating stress with your relationship with H. That's what your mill wants and she is suceeding so far. Now, next time your h says something what mom said. just listen and tell " Oh I will remember to do that next time" Say it while nodding your head. Thats it end of conversation right. No Discussion, fight, stopping to talk.
But, for your Mils next month long visit plan ahead. Make sure you have help even if you have to pay more for that month for extra people in the house. I know when we visit home, both Il's and parents pay extra to helpers ( I dont want to call servants because they are like family to us) and we give them cash too when leaving. I think your maid got scared of the work load and took a break when your mil visited you. So, talk to her in advance to keep her in good terms.
Now you know how every one is and how your H reacts when dear mom pushes the button you need to act tactfully, ignore and be cheerful.

 

I also want to say same a sars said....See u did so much and still everybody is fighting with you...becz u didnt have smile at ur face

So just take some help from some helpers for MIL's next visit for full day....so u would be relaxed in morning and will be cheerful....becz u r overburdened now thats why everything is happening.....Whole day that maid wil take care of ur DS in ur absence and evening she will cook...so u can get relaxed and can enjoy with ur son....

Prads, this situation is more painful for US ladies as they do not get any help....not for us Indian ladies...as we get help so enjoy living in India...

 

kudos to your patience! hope things worked out

 

very pragmatic suggestions

 

Your husband takes you for granted because you are scared of his shouting.Why are you scared of putting up a fight? Sit down with him and tell him how tough it is for you. Ask him what is his contribution in looking after his parents. Is his responsibility only limited to going to office?

Tell him you will have a showdown in front off his parents next time if this abuse by relatives happens again.

Tell him you cannot look after a ton of relatives when you already have your plate full.
He has to contribute.
If his mother is here for rest...she should leave the looking after of ds to your mother and take complete rest.

Train the maid on how to deal with in laws.Pay her extra.

 

More than anything I am upset at your "DH". He is no DH. Does he think youa are a free maid to take care of him mom and pop. He won't understand till he feels the burn. Make him work for his parents. Complaning about parents never works. He nees to realize it himeself. Ask him to help around the house for his 25 relatives. Some good suggestions here about nodding head and not listening. Stop caring about what your ILs speak. Let you MIL walk in to your room while you are making out. Why should you feel shame, she should feel it.

 

It's your fault, completely your fault. When your mil is visiting you and dependent on you because she is not well, she has to behave in a way that dependents do. It's opposite here, all because you let it happen. You are not a free maid neither are you any machine.
Your dh isn't supportive, so just tell him few things that he has to oblige by, or he has to handle things all by himself, may it be cooking or washing dishes.
---> Tell him you are gonna cook curries or vegies ONLY in the morning in bulk, that too when he can give vegies chopped and ready , and no dinner time cooking. If his parents want different dishes at dinner time, he or they can cook for themselves or order food.
---> No extra burden. May it be weekend or week days, if sil is visiting, either sil or dh must be helping you in kitchen and say you simply cant cook in bulk, as you are not a trained hotel chef...
---> whenever maid is absent, either extra work must be shared or food must be ordered ...
----> In case of relatives visiting with out your mil taking your permission, you are happily off to your mom's place and dh will handle things in whatever way he wants..
-----> DS would be at your parents 3 days a week and 4 days here at your home.

when she blames you for not calling, take a printout of all your calls from your network provider and show them to dh. Whenever she falsely blames you, do whatever to prove her false blames to your dh, that may bring some change in him.

If I were you, when 15 extra heads turn up without prior notice or permission, I would get an emergency call from office and I would have to leave immediately. After all, they are your dh's relatives and he would find his way to handle them. And I would get late in the evening after having my dinner at office because the emergency hasn't solved yet and had to be present at office the next day too..
Yes, your mil may get the point that you are escaping from work. Let her know that and once when she has to come out from her own dug pits, she will stop digging pits for you.
If dh doesn't accept to these conditions, tell him you are not ready to look after them, come what may. Anyways you are blamed and screamed at even after you slog like a dog, so why slog at all? Stand firm and fight for your own good and sane. Unless you respect yourself, you can't expect them to respect you or your hard work.
Also, be very rigid on the rules you lay, like if you won't get the chopped vegies ready by set time, like say by 6:00 AM, don't ever bother to cook for the day. It may be difficult for you to be so strict and hard especially with your in laws around, but every one them learns their lesson and would not repeat this.
Remember, no matter what you do, even if you get them a living heaven down, dils are always bad. So why work hard on being good anyways?

 

Ok, after I typed the loooooooooooong post, something in me asked me to look at the date of thread gigglingsmiley ok, may be it works for someone with similar issue :roll:

 

:bangcomp: What...I got angry for nothing!!!!