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Its another Indian arranged marriage - need your views

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by swt.charu, Oct 2, 2012.

  1. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Sweetcharu,

    Going by what you have said and the fact that this is an arranged marriage, all the critical points seem to be in place. But there are things which are more important than just what meets the eye.

    Your relative needs to be very clear about one thing - no matter what, there will always be a lot of adjustments to be made when settling in with a new family. This could take a few months to a few years. Now the question is, is she willing to face life in an ultra-conservative family set up?

    This is what she needs to ask herself. The facts are in front of her. Let her NOT go in with the intention of changing the family eventually. Unlikely that will happen. So let her not count on that. So that leaves the question of whether she is willing to change herself and her way of life to fit into their way of living? If she is not sure what all it involves, maybe she could request some ultra-conservative relatives to put her up for a couple of weeks and give her a first hand taste of life on a daily basis so she can make up her mind. If she does not think she is willing to do that, better she calls it off and finds someone else who is more suited to her way of life.
     
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  2. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    she still has time to think and decide. better to call off now than regret later. i definitely agree that the mil will be more attached to her son , so unless the girl is ready to sacrifice her life to be in a joint family whatever may be the situation the son is unlikely to change at all. been and seen many like those guys, so u really need to have a good chat with that girl, wheter she will be ok to go ahead and deal with all eventualities and never regret her decision of marriage.
     
  3. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    Thought I'll update you guys on how things are now...

    The girl is married now to the same guy that we are talking about here...and its more than 6 months now... touch wood they are one happy couple..

    Few things turned out to be a pleasant surprise..

    1) the couple are highly mature in handling their ILs / relatives.. when the wife cribs about MIL / BIL or anything for that matter (she is more childish and he is more mature) .. the husband explains why it is that way and why he did something the way he did.. they sort things out then and there.. no holding grudges...and life is sailing smooth..he later compensates for such rift by taking her out etc etc..

    2) He still does not spend unnecessarily (even to indulge his new wife)... but the girl seems to have turned around completely and is perfectly ok with that... its like they know what they are doing and they have a plan in place for everything .. be it a holiday or buying small stuff.. I can see that the wife is well informed of the plans, even part of the planning process and she is happy about it...

    3) Another surprise for me is her parents... I underestimated them when I wrote this post... they have really stepped out of their daughter's married life. They are just the sweet parents who have a cordial relationship with her married daughter and her new family.. they still talk on phone everyday .. meet every two weeks at either of the homes and just have fun together ( i mean both families together) ... no excluding anyone .. be it the MIL or the mother..

    4) the MIL is a surprise too... she tells her DIL what all she went through as a DIL and how she does not want to be like her MIL. Her MIL supposedly never let her visit her parents... but she isists that her son and DIL visit her side of the family quite often... last Navarathri this girl told her MIL to invite one of her husband's cousins.. the MIL was like "they are too high handed.. you are better off inviting your own aunts and cousins rather than this lady"... I was pleasantly surprised that she is drawing the line based on judgement of people and not whether they are girl's side or boy's side...

    nonetheless the MIL seems to be favouring the younger son a bit which is bothering the new DIL but they are managing quite well (talk about DILs finding problems where there are none :) ... )


    All in all.. its a happy ending to this post .. and a happy beginning for the couple... I pray to almighty they stay this way ever after... I also pray that all the young girls and boys out there find loving companions and live happily ever after :)
     
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  4. stranger127

    stranger127 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi swt. charu,

    Vow...Am just feeling elated...I accidentally bumped into this thread of yours for I can never forget that ray of hope you gave me after my engagement drama (u remem???) But I can never forget it:)

    Its as if I am sailing in the same boat as the girl you ve mentioned in all prime factors:) Be it widowed mom, caring & matured guy, pampered girl, relative interference, hanging out, frequency of telephonic conversations everything is the same...I too had my set of extreme negative feelings..But now I am sort of poised

    We are put up in different cities & I expected to talk a lot to get to know each other better..For the first few days we hardly spoke for a few minutes..But he used to call me daily only once & I was not clingy n never called him...Though I had my set of uncertainities I gave time, time. It worked..Now we talk a lot, knowing our limits responsibilities & there is no longer that uncertainity of whether it would work for both of us..We are best friends now:)

    A guy raised admist difficulties & hardships, he was good & well disciplined like a timetable. But I live my life on my own terms when it comes to my happiness.. I wondered I tend to be naughty at times..Would he take it or should my naughtiness remain dormant to him?? But on the contrary he enjoys all of my pranks & is a naughty one himself too but only to ME:):) He had started enjoying life & its beauties with me.. I feel on the top of the world when he says I transformed his life from a mere existence to fountain of happiness, I am his life & he wont miss me at any cost:) I never expected him to change and talk this way:) It did happened:)

    Regarding outing we too had our hestiatation to approach our parents. When I went home for Diwali we did meet twice with & w/o our parents knowledge. He initiated it & flexed himself as per my convenience..We were very comfortable with each other & those two days were really beautiful:) The next time I would meet him would be my on our marriage day:) Touchwood

    I ll be getting married soon..Ya I have my own set of doubts, the main one being the INLAWS issue..But for now I dont want to think more..

    Its very difficult to satisfy all the criterias of arranged marriage..Differences actually accentuate the love and make it more interesting:) At the same time respect Compatibility & understanding b/w the couples is the most imp criteria according to me.

    It just ebbed out from me owing to the striking similarities:):) Now I understood there are no accidents..This thread has given me a dose of positivity:)My best wishes to the couple :) & you too :)
     
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  5. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    Yay !!! way to go girl !!! I am very happy to see you happy and to top it if my post has given you that "belief in life" I am very very glad...

    I always believed marriage is one big gamble we all take in life and there is no straight solution to win the jackpot.. as long as you can make each other happy and agree to compromise on petty things while having the big picture in mind, life will indeed sail smooth...

    Wish you loads of happiness in you new beginning..enjoy your big day and do post a happy ending to your thread as well ... I will be waiting :)

     
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  6. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    Thats good to read from you stranger127. Lots of good luck.
     
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  7. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear swt.charu

    So with the best intentions, I would suggest that having read the backgrounds of both parties involved, it appears to me that it would be wisest that she waits to find someone else who would suit her better.
     
  8. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    satchi....... you are trolled..:biglaugh:biglaugh this is an year old thread and swt.charu has come recently and said the couple is happily married.. request you to go through latest posts in this thread...
     
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  9. chithrasathish

    chithrasathish Senior IL'ite

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    Hi

    Too good - and happy to hear...Let Almighty be always with you and keep you happy ever...

    Regards,


    CS
     
  10. Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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    Pallu bad girl. No donuts for you :rant:.....

    :shhh: I wanted to say the same thing to Satchi :biggrin2:
     
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