Psycology of Abusers/Manipulators

Hello Maddy,

i must it's say that it's and excellent write up and it is good that you brought this up in a separate thread...I have difficult situations faced by many women and have had family and friends also suffer abuse..in all the cases I have seen women do not value themselves and think it is ok to be hit, it is ok to be abused...and in turn they make the perpetrator very powerful and in control...like one of the ladies said in this forum, I also feel we girls have been brought up with wrong values...to suffer is not right...it's important for women to stand up for themselves and if they have the support from family and friends then should simply move out of an abusive situation..

 

Narcissistic personality disorder is more prevalent in males than females and decreases as one grows older.

Common symptoms of persons having Narcissist personality disorder (NPD). Traits and magnitudes may vary from person to person, but basically these are the most prevalent characteristics:


Always expecting others to go with your plans and suggestions and very dominating.
A constant need for attention, affirmation and praise.
Difficulty handling criticism, being easily hurt and rejected and Having a fragile self-esteem.
A sense of entitlement and expectation of special treatment.
Feeling envious of others, or believing that others are envious of him or her.
An exaggerated sense of one's own abilities and achievements.
Lack of empathy for others i.e. Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings

 

Now this thing I belived from the time of my birth and keep telling in most of the posts here.

Many women still think "I can change my DH,may be not today but tomorrow"..and tomorrow never comes. What a waste of life and we are not sure if we have a spare...

 

hi Maddy
I also want to share my experience too
What all psychology u wrote everything happen to me just after 10 days of my marriage.
H driven me away from their home just after one month of marriage,
In my case Abuse & manipulation done for money my H abused me saying whether my dad gave him 10lakhs dowry or wat ? why should he bare me , also he n his mother demanded for extra gold , they also taunted for 40 tullas gold my dad gave to me in wedding saying dad also included earings n rings in 40 tullas saying your dad so miser , always cries for money . they also said my father has promised them to write dads property on my name which my dad never promised,They said all these things and in the end they say did we ask any dowry or what ? We are so good never demanded anything since v r very much against dowry. And you should not feel bad n defend your dad after cmng to in-laws place
they smartly driven me away by telling silly reasons like attitude , no affection towards my husband etc they hinted my uncle about more money when he went to convince My ML said I have no beauty,no property,good heart,health issues (since hv thyroid) , though i hv all these things I also have attitude so y should v bare your girl so they want mutual divorce my H said for this.They din find these defects before marriage while my ML saw me twice before fixing our marriage.
My Fl called me later n sd y hav your father not cm n convinced my H , Actually these people planned that my dad would cm beg them write property in my name n they can abuse me more and use as slave,since i don hv my mother n my brother is not married.Dad wont keep me at his home since because of me my brother wont get alliances .

when all these plans din work My H being a MBBS doctor & ML started calling me infertile since i have thyroid where i hardly lead a married life jus for month.


No girls should get abusers/manipulators i got n suffer like me.

 

This is so true... This is exactly how I am treated by my husband... I can't even share this with anyone as he is a loving husband in front of mine and his family .... I lost my confidence, health and self respect after 8 years of married life

 

Something to also think about, and probably needs a mention to women who have come out of such a relationship or are thinking of coming out, what works best for them from an 'attitude' perspective? -- Be revengeful? or live in solitude? or keep yourself occupied? How do you deal with it especially for someone who has come out of a relatively 'long-term' marriage>? How do you take out thoughts of hatred, or deal this 'wasted years' after you come out of it? Deal with depression and loneliness? I'm sure, just having a hobby and 'friends' isn't the only solution right. Any thoughts?

I myself don't know the answer..If anyone has suggestions, please share....I know, for me I will try and approach a therapist first to try and have a positive outlook on life..Any other ideas?

 

There are cases other way round. Women being abusers and men being victim!