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Am i missing something ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SiriVeda, Oct 18, 2013.

  1. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    I second you yellowmango.
     
  2. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    If your DH is not willing to participate in the house hold chores then hire help to clean at least. Maybe you can manage with the cooking if you don't feel comfortable asking others to cook. I also suggest batch cooking.

    Some men are like that. They think it's solely the wife's duty to clean and cook even if she earns 10 times more than him. What is disturbing me here that he compares you with other women not only on how well they manage their house BUT with their looks/ beauty. You make him taste his own medicine first. Tell so and so's husband helps her a lot at home, list down the work he does for her. Then add he is such a gentleman so perfect in looks, body, career and in looking after his wife. She is so lucky to have him as her husband. Say all these in a very neutral tone in the mid of a good conversation. Don't make him feel you are attacking him back only then he will start thinking.
     
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  3. SiriVeda

    SiriVeda Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Iamgoodgirl,

    I agree with you....Getting emotional support from mother is best I can do....My mother in law is no more and Iam sure she would have done her best had she been there....

    The problem is my mother is an officer in a bank and has hardly any time for herself....She herself is under a lot of stress after my father passed away and I don't feel like troubling her with anything at all....All I want her to do is work and have a good nights sleep without thinking about my father.

    As I said before Iam trying not to expect anything at all from my husband. Frustration comes with expectations. Sometimes future seems scary....but I hope things will go back to normal soon...

    Sirisha
     
  4. SiriVeda

    SiriVeda Silver IL'ite

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    Dear happywife :)

    My problem is not with cooking or cleaning....I have a domestic helper and I love cooking for my husband and child.

    My problem is my emotional dependency on my DH and Iam trying to tackle it now...

    Sirisha
     
  5. SiriVeda

    SiriVeda Silver IL'ite

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    Yes....you are right...By saying this I would be increasing the gap instead if bridging it.
     
  6. taanisharma

    taanisharma New IL'ite

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    lol funny reaction
     
  7. taanisharma

    taanisharma New IL'ite

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    but the guy himself is not thinking about her sentiments , so why should she think for his
     
  8. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    My post #25 was not meant for this thread. Sorry.
     
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  9. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    If a man was going through a tough time at work, or dealing with any other demanding emotional/physical situation, and felt that he needed more love, care, and support from his wife, would it be fair to tell him to just suck it up and be a big boy?

    Married people are supposed to support each other, and cater to each other's needs. I can't buy into this reasoning that women can't expect this from their husbands. Women (and men) deserve it, and to say that men are, by their nature, incapable of giving, is just a poor excuse.

    It is also unpalatable to me that women are supposed to support each other (MIL or mother taking care of pregnant or otherwise needy DIL or daughter) while men continue to live freely, like bachelors. Once a man impregnates a woman, he had to man up and take full responsibility for the mother of his child, including her increased emotional needs.

    OP, you feel aggrieved because you are being treated unfairly. It is very kind of the other posters to make excuses for your husband's poor behavior. Perhaps I am not as generous in my assessment of this situation. What you are expecting from him is not unreasonable. It is perfectly normal. Pregnant couples are supposed to cocoon and become closer to each other, as preparation for their new role as parents. You're not supposed to turn to others for support (except in secondary ways).

    I don't know how to advise you, because it is your husband who has the problem, not you. But I cannot in good conscience tell you to suppress your feelings, or that you are expecting the impossible, or too much. I hope your husband comes to his senses soon. It is neither naturally manly nor acceptable for him to "run away" from you, physically or emotionally, at this stage.
     
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  10. malarg

    malarg Senior IL'ite

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    What you are going through is normal.
     

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