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DH celebrates over my mistakes....

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by heron, Oct 22, 2013.

  1. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    Is he like this with everyone, or just you?

    It's sometimes hard for us to accept, but our spouses are regular, flawed human beings, just as we are. It is possible that this is one of the more unsavory aspects of your husband's personality. Is he generally a know-it-all type, who is not gracious in defeat, and enjoys being the "winner" all the time?

    It would be nice if he gave you more consideration, instead of behaving so childishly (and it really is the height of childishness, in my opinion). It will set a very bad example for your children, if you have any right now, because kids mimic what their parents do and say, and parents end up looking like big hypocrites if they condemn a child's behavior but are guilty of doing the same thing themselves.

    Maybe you should sit him down and have a serious talk with him one day. Explain he needs to act like a grown-up if he aims to be a good father and role model. Tell him his constant crowing over the fact that you made a simple and innocent mistake is very unattractive and unappealing (it certainly is turning me off in a big way).

    Whatever you do, I would advise against giving him a taste of his own medicine. You're supposed to become better people together, as a result of marriage, not drag each other down to the lowest behavioral precedent set by each spouse. In this particular matter, your spouse has something to learn from you. It is not just about you; if he behaves like this with others, it is highly likely he is alienating a lot of people. Help him to be a better, more mature person.

    Or, just show him this post ;)
     
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  2. malarg

    malarg Senior IL'ite

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    How is that going to help ?
     
  3. jabeena

    jabeena New IL'ite

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    I too agree with Ansuya. No woman would like to put her husband down in front of others. So be calm. This is not a war to fight and win. Let him say. Ofcourse, Feminists will oppose. But consider him as a friend rather than a man.You can explain your feelings to him later (in good mood).

    But still you want to score him, Like school make a score board with a remedy note (can include teasing column also). Put somewhere only both of you can see. Never say any comments. May he will realize himself.
     
  4. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    If he mentions your 50$, you should just say " atleast its less than your 600$ iPad!"
     
  5. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    dear op,

    it depends on his nature. if he is a sadist then he will continue to do so, and the only approach that will help is not letting him know that his comments have hurt you.

    though i hope the above is not true. men are not as sensitive as women. the best thing would be to have a straight talk with him, and let him know his attitude has hurt you.

    let him you both are one unit, one should blame the other, you both shall suffer if either of you make a mistake.
    let him know you like to be reassured, and not blamed for something that cannot be undone.

    tell him you will be more confident if he shows he has confidence in you.
     
  6. dsmenon

    dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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    just tell him that its his influence.. So many years together and you got his carelessness..
     
  7. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Heron there are only two options.

    Understand that this is an unstated, unwritten law of all marriages. The wife is always a nit wit. The man is always the wise King Solomon. Once you have understood that, just forget and leave it.

    If you still feel it is unfair, just remind him of all the stuff he has lost and tell him he is a new husband, new father, gloat over it and call it quits.
     
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  8. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    This is a good one. If he doesn't get the hint and goes What?, laugh and subtly remind him : yeah - remember the $500 coat, $600 i -pad etc? I will soon catch up with you on the amount too. Just give me time!

    that will be the last time he will 'celebrate your mistakes'

    IMPORTANT: But then, ensure that you are careful the next time
     
  9. sweetypi

    sweetypi Platinum IL'ite

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    How true !
    In the worst case, make a score card of the things you both have lost, stick it on the fridge and keep a tally to see who 'wins' :crazy (Benefits: you take the wind out of his sails when he glodts over your mistakes, both of you become careful about handling money and expensive stuff)
     
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2013
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  10. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    lollzzz!!! thats a really good suggestion. stick it on the fridge, so others also get to see it!! and you automatically be careful then onwards.
     
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