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Is it good to have both Parents at the time of Delivery?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Damsel80, Oct 22, 2013.

  1. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    My husband did this saying 'bondage time' and my ils mistook it as a resort holiday...we were both working then and would not see them all day....but EVERY single meal smelt like my mom's...even DH agreed. My ILs just sat on couches whole day and waited for their son to accompany in the eve.....THATS ALL THEY DID....They might want to have this set up once again....but watch me smiley-ninja006.gif
     
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  2. malarg

    malarg Senior IL'ite

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    Having both parents is not needed as well as not recommended
     
  3. ppriya182010

    ppriya182010 Gold IL'ite

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    Bad idea to have both parents under same roof. Period!

    Try with inlaws health issue and winter weather to avoid them coming. If nothing works, just don't call parents. Anyway you are planning to go to India after 2 months, so spend as much time with parents in India. And when inlaws come, simply dont do anything to them, just take care of you and your child. And ignore any of their tantrums. Your DH cant blame you since you are a new mom and make sure to play that card real well. Infact it will be a good opportunity for your DH to understand their real nature.

    Its so unfair for your DH and inlaws to expect your parents to take care of you,newborn and them. Please please dont let your parents go thru it. If you are in US, seriously you dont need anyone's help thru delivery. I have personally seen some couples who cant bring any parents and they manage the delivery and newborn so well even with another child.
     
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  4. vidu24

    vidu24 Silver IL'ite

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    Hey
    Its always better to have one at a time to avoid conflicts. I faced the same problem when i said iam pregnant. I want my mom to come but my inlaws wants to come. So a seroius thinking i decided to bring his parents and then mine. My mom understands about my inlaws........
     
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  5. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Its a very bad idea to call both sets at once. And, is your husband insane to have so many people at once? If he can't say no to his parents its entirely his problem. And bringing them to get service from your parents is no solution. Actually, you are at the most advantageous position right now, where you can stubbornly demand what you want. This is no time to be a scared cow. Throw up a huge tantrum if you feel like.
     
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  6. malarg

    malarg Senior IL'ite

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    With so many people around you and your husband would be serving them....not the vice versa. .!!
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2013
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  7. ramyav_cse

    ramyav_cse Gold IL'ite

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    Tell ur MIL that it will be helpful for you if you had one set of parents followed by another...if your MIL is persistent on coming to see her grandchild as soon as he/she is born, ask her to take care of your delivery and leave in 3 months...ur mom can come the day they leave...it is not going to be easy for you to handle the old lady but it should be better for you to take it rather than asking your mom to...juz my 2 cents...
     
  8. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    "If i say this to my DH he says he cant stop his parents from coming when they say they are eager to see their grandchild. "


    Wow, this is the exactly same dialogue my husband gave justifying why his mom should visit when my mom was already taking care of me. Ultimately, she did everything else except that :(. She was not interested in anything about baby. She was there to just bitch about me and my mom to her son.

    You are in the last stages of pregnancy, so i do not want to tell all these negative experiences. If they come, which they will, you should consider you are lucky if they are really happy to see their grandchild and nothing more should be expected. I hope you dont experience marriage troubles during this vulnerable stage of delivery. God be with you.

    PS: your husband will not listen to you no matter you say. If your co-sis has faced problems (same care for me as well), you should pretty much know what to expect. In my case, my husband never really wanted her to come in the beginning but my MIL used "seeing the grandkid" dialogue to come, stir up trouble in my life and went back complaining that I did not treat her well. Most MILs come only when the DIL's parents are there because then they get to sit, eat, shop, watch ssas-bahu serials, bitch without bothering about the "baby" or the work that entails a delivery and taking care of a newborn.
     
  9. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Don't ever make that mistake. My mother was here to help me after my son's birth followed by my MIL. Their stay overlapped by exactly 2 days. In those 2 days my usually sensible MIL developed a severe case of 'Queen Bee-itis'. She wanted to run the kitchen, hold my son all the time, and generally order everybody around. It was almost like watching a National Geographic documentary where a threatened matriarch desperately tries to establish her turf. :) Thankfully, my husband, being the sensible man he is, took his mom aside and gave her a talking to. But, we learnt our lesson and have never tried that again.

    You could try and bring up logistical difficulties of having two sets of parents around. How will everyone travel by car? Someone or the other will have to be left behind, or you will need two cars? Double the cost everywhere. Where will everyone sleep? Closet space? Bathroom issues? Winter will exacerbate your in-laws' health problems. Also no one will be around to help out once both sets of parents leave. If your husband is still unable to say no to his parents, your only choice is to delay your own parents' visit.
     
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  10. Swasha

    Swasha Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    Post Delivery is a crucial stage where Mother and Baby needs pleasant environment. Tension free pleasant environment along with good diet also boosts Your MILK SUPPLY. Feeding aspect to the baby is the important thing for first few months. So, Plan accordingly and try to to bring Only one set of parents. Allowing one set of parents reduces many unpleasant situations.

    As your husband is stubborn in bringing his parents, let your ILs know that your Parents has dropped the plan to visit you as you are anyway travelling to India after 2 months. There are chances that your ILs also may drop their plan to visit.
     
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