Marrying a married Man !

Rajee88 · Oct 15, 2013

Friends, i am a 24 year old unmarried professional belong to a city in tamilnadu.

I was in love with a guy for 3 years which broke in 2011 as he badly cheated on me. I made life complicated and made a big mess by trying to kill myself and later saved, it took me a long time get over him.

Later i started concentrating on my career and supporting my family and 2 years went just like that. I am single for past 2 years, recently i decided that its high time for a companion and enrolled in a online dating site. Met an awesome man in the site, he is 29 belong to Tamilnadu and in cinema industry.

As we started talking we found that we share a lot in common. Particularly that breakup part, He fell in love with a north indian girl when he was 21 and married her in alaipayudhey style (for people who dont understand, he tied her mangal sutra in a temple with few of their common friends and he went to his home and she went to her home) and consummated the marriage (They were still in their own house, they never lived in a same house as a family). After 1 year of marriage she fell in love with someone else and left him.

He also went through the most painful stage as me and he is single for past 3years. He proposed marriage to me in less than a day, he is so awesome, caring, loving and matured. It been only a week since we started talking and already i feel like he is my husband and he says he feels the same.

We have decided to get married before his 30th birthday.Friends, this is not infatuation or attraction, i am 24 he is 29 we are matured enough. Yes its too early to decide marriage in a week, but i have no words to explain the vibe, affection and attachment i feel with him. I truly believe we wasted our life for unworthy people and we are perfectly made for each other.

Now the problem is his marriage !!

The marriage was not registered, they have taken few photos during the marriage which are with him, she doesn't have any of the photos.They don't have any contact for the past 2 years, she is with someone else now however she is not married yet and they both are in the same city (I and him are in different cities). He says he don't consider it as a marriage.

Now i want to know whether she can create any problem in our future? the marriage is not registered, so i will be the first wife right? should i talk to her once?

Please give me some inputs, i am totally in love with him.

Thanks.

MaritalBliss · Oct 15, 2013

Better to seek legal advice. Since he tied mangalsutra, it cld be valid according to indian laws. I believe a lot of marriages there are not registered and they consider tying the taali as admissible...she may have legal rights.

Even if she doesn't have the photos, she may use her witnesses.

Alternatively, after seeking legal advice, perhaps she could give a letter stating that the marriage is annulled...if she doesn't want her family to know of this marriage, she won't even want to have anything to do with this.

Treasure · Oct 15, 2013

i also perfer that there should be a consulation with a legal advocate. also before that i want u people to meet in person , gather his friends & discuss .. also u need to see those photos, to check if he is not cheating on u... (kannal parpathey nandru, kathal kaetpathi vidu).. hope u understand...

Rajee88 · Oct 15, 2013

Thank you so much for the input ! u have given me a valuable advice

teacher · Oct 15, 2013

You are 24...he proposed to you after knowing talking to you for less than a day...
Not a good idea to rush this.

Iamagoodgirl · Oct 15, 2013

Apart from legal advice please take it slow.Go to his place and judge everything properly like whatever he claims about finances,his family relatives etc.
People who are classic manipulator try to show you how similar you both are by either highlighting similarities again and again or lieing and creating false scenario.This is very easy esp when guy is leaving far away and you cant double check everything he is saying.Its a classic physiological trick men use to get women trust them.
I meet one guy like that.Please dont fall in that trap.Every time he claims something you double check it.

guesshoo · Oct 15, 2013

Hi OP,

additionally, I also suggest that you take more time to get to know him better. The connection ought to stay the same way. Please don't make his birthday a deadline for your wedding. It is best for both of you to know each other better than for either of you to repent at leisure once domesticity sets in. Sorry, i don't mean to rain on your parade, bu I had to mention it.

good luck!

sadwife · Oct 15, 2013

Dear OP,

As others have mentioned please seek legal advice and please don't rush into marriage or get into any physical intimacy just yet. Get to know him more and better. Get to know his family and frens. Don't blindly believe everything he says. All the best.

suchitrakumar · Oct 15, 2013

Hi friend as our other friends saying first of all go for a legal advice and please don't be in a hurry to choose a life partner.deciding about marriage within a week time is too quick. Don't rush into a relationship its not advisable. Both of you spend more time to get to know eachother well. First phase will be like this only but please don't be in a hurry . Get to know his friends and family if possible get to know his family in person. And don't go in for a physical relation before marriage.
Did ur family know about him? Let the elders be involved. All that starts well will end well. Be slow and steady and win the life.

Shanvy · Oct 15, 2013

Take it slow. it is so easy for a person to make up a sob story that makes you emphatize with him, more common in the virtual world. you are 24, you may not feel it is infatuation. many who are in love, never realise they are in a infatuation stage or in a stage where they are manipulated by the sob story.

After a failure, i will take it more slowly, take more time to understand, more time to analyse, rather than propose in a day. though i do believe in cupid's strike at first sight, i don't think you propse to the person on the same day unless it is movies.

Take care..