What is this behaviour?

I guess it was directed towards me and totally misinterpreted. :bang

I never made tall claims that I have thrashed my hubby in the first year of marriage...Don't know how someone figured this out???? May be they have this in their sub conscious mind. :hide:


Acc to OP, when she doesn't cooks food, her hubby orders it through phone. OP's concern was that her hubby should have inquired the reason behind it. OP I got your point. Fine, some men are like that. Ignore him and concentrate on yourself and your daughter's well being. :thumbsup

 

I think I have heard it somewhere.......

"Make a mountain out of a molehill "

 

hahaha after reading this i felt like i am reading about my husband.. i just don't care.. it is personal choice .. how they want to live in the family.. at least you are free to make decisions compared to other women.. coming to your physical problem.. take care of yourself and ignore his involvement in your decisions..

 

Ok if you also din't thrash your H then how does it apply to you as well :idontgetit: where's the question of mis-interpretation??? Why are ppl reading too much??? G or J ?

 

She want husband to take of responsibility as a husband and take care of decisions while she want to take care of house hold things.. and a heart to heart talk and enquiring about well being of each other is required.. every lady is different, what they want in their married life is different while some want their freedom, while others want husband take charge of their responsibility as a head of household and look after everything...

Some men never get this point what ladies are looking for.. hope he do understand soon...

 

I agree with you about this kind of attitude (OP's spouse attitude) might lead to a stage where one is happy without each other. On IL, I see this more often than I thought where one spouse (husband, mostly) has life of his own and is not dependent on wife for all his needs and wife is feeling undesirable and un-cherished.

I also firmly believe that you cant change a person, especially after so many years of marriage. OP's husband is perhaps never going to be like what she wants him to. That is why it is important that woman also have hobbies/interests that bring happiness to her. But it also seems to bring a different and big problem. I read in another thread where a wife ended up having emotional affair with her hobby partner. So emotional distance in marriage - source of many problems.

 

Agreed women find hobbies/ job/ kids etc etc to keep themselves busy, but they do develop a big void in the marriage and have all right to VENT, if just the listeners are not in those shoes could be a bit considerate in not writing off their vent as TRIVIAL, it certainly helps... bearer is already fighting a lot all alone cos for many eyes there's no abuse or dysfunction... but a way of life... hence ADJUST ADJUST ADJUST.

Affairs are definitely common when no one is understanding your thought but one person does... and fills your void.

 

Right. The damage created by void could be minimized with pre-planning. Wife needs to find and pursue activities that she likes much before all of these happen. She needs to be happy while doing these. If she has multiple sources of happiness, it might creep into that unhappy avenue too. She might stop nagging the husband. Husband might feel that the wife is busy with her life and might ask her to give him more time. Then OP can happily ask him to cook for her.

But if any wife (not OP) takes up a "revenge" hobby to compensate for the hurt that the spouse causing, then it might very well end up in an affair. We already saw this here on IL.

 

People come in and post their problems hoping for some solution, most of the time, its the comfort. Its the comfort we dont get personally from spouse, parents, kids, etc. That's exactly why we are all here. So lets not trivialize someone's problems. If we are not interested on a thread, better to ignore.

OP, I can totally understand your problem. My DH cant take decisions as well, but he does care for me. I am the sole decision-maker of my family as well. Infact I feel much better that way, if I leave it to my DH, decisions will never be made. But I make sure hes informed/involved (in some way). Growing up, my mom was the decision maker and I know that my MIL was the decision maker too. So both me and DH are used to this thought. I do feel overwhelmed sometimes, try to vent in at Indusladies or just skip house chores for a day or two. Those days, my DH understands and he manages. I can imagine if my DH ignores me even on those days.

And habits are hard to break. It is going to be tough for him to change suddenly. But make baby steps. Like ask him to take you to a nice restaurant, movie, or just to visit a relative. Let him pick the place.

Concentrate on your daughter, shes at a very critical stage of life. Dont dont show that your marriage is on hard rocks now.