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My Husband is too LAZY on bed with me..this is killing my EMOTIONS for him!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sona147, Oct 8, 2013.

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  1. Oct 8, 2013 #11
    sona147

    sona147 New IL'ite

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    We really used to make it earlier in the evening but now its all gone he has planned our dinner by 8 and after eating he just prefers to lie down and watch some entertainment things with me by his side..

    well today i'll try initiating again and his work pressure is not much actually all this is more heart breaking when weekend goes clean away nothing coz on weekends he is just not working..and also i don't think there is an external stuff going as he is really decent with people but i don't need his decency on bed atleast.. ;p

    well thanx for guiding may be for today i'll try initiating better in a different way..
     
    sona147, Oct 8, 2013
    sona147, Oct 8, 2013
    #11
  2. Oct 8, 2013 #12
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Sona,

    Difference in desire for sex is very common in marriages. Approach this issue with patience and tact. A person's ego in these matters, be it man or woman, is very fragile, and we don't want to hurt the person who is our life partner, no?

    Read the thread title - the word lazy is in uppercase. You have again used it many times including below.
    When I read the thread, one word sticks in my mind, lazy, lazy, lazy. And that prompted the energizer bunny comment. Try to think about how you word it to your husband. Your words and tone and body language. Did you even once use the word 'lazy' when talking with him about it? Hopefully not.

    Gauri and others have already given some good suggestions.

    Try to remember one thing - there is no set number of times a week or month to aim for. If you feel like having sex, and it does not happen, and this repeats many times, then there is an issue. If it is more that you feel sex is not happening as often as it should, then, the issue is different. Hope you understand the difference.

    Remember that the way the plumbing is set up, it makes it harder for men to perform on demand. A woman can go through the formalities even when not in the mood. She can fake a smile as easily as faking a headache.

    Consider investing in a vibrator or its sister concerns. Seeing you take matters in your own hands might inspire your husband to initiate it more often.

    Present the issue as something you both jointly face. Don't put the blame solely on him. Resist that urge. "what can we do, what can we change, so sex happens more often" is better than "you are lazy, you are not interested, you fall asleep on me".

    Good Luck.
    -R
     
    Rihana, Oct 8, 2013
    Rihana, Oct 8, 2013
    #12
    3 people like this.
  3. Oct 8, 2013 #13
    ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Sona, am sorry that its reaching your saturation levels.... pls tell me on the following lines:

    1) Do both of you have extreme personality difference .. you extrovert/aggressive and he introvert/regressive?
    2) Is he a momma's boy ... the innocent one... who din't get THIS lesson.
    3) Has he ever lived in hostel / away from family to get over with his apprehensions?
    4) Does he feel intimidated or over powered by you, is he used to SOFT cocoon ... all is well, YOU'RE the best upbringing?
    5) Is he overall lazy , foodie .. couch potato types?
    6) Try hunting things that improve his laziness, things that excite him and bring him into motion.
    7) He could be a "Mungeri" you might be dreaming of BIG acts.. but unable to reach there... cos you have to finally ACT and not just IMAGINE.

    Best of luck.
     
    ShilpaMa, Oct 8, 2013
    ShilpaMa, Oct 8, 2013
    #13
  4. Oct 8, 2013 #14
    varalakshmi24

    varalakshmi24 Silver IL'ite

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    Not to be rude at all.
    But is your hubby overweight? If yes it could be a major reason.
     
    varalakshmi24, Oct 8, 2013
    varalakshmi24, Oct 8, 2013
    #14
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  5. Oct 8, 2013 #15
    indirank

    indirank Silver IL'ite

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    Hello sona147
    the urge of having intercourse will be different in different ppl. may be we wish to have it once in 2 days but dh may want it once in four days or so. plus to spend more time in cuddling he shd be stress free. check if he has any other tension in office. or sleeping late after having sex and next day waking up early and following his routine may be stressfull due to work pressure. you can explain him girls feel good during foreplay. wait for some time. create romantic environment in yo room, give some small surprises.
     
    indirank, Oct 8, 2013
    indirank, Oct 8, 2013
    #15
  6. Oct 8, 2013 #16
    ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Over wt combined with low muscle tone, does he do other masculine activities of lifting heavy items (gym), biking, trekking other sports? If he's doing only following feminine activities (eating / watching TV / surfing) it might be harder to perform IN/ON time.

    He might need to work on muscle tone / flexibility. Hit the gym.

    Also check if he's used to masturbating on ONLY hard surface / bed for satisfaction, it will be difficult for him to get hard and remain hard for a woman's body for performance.
     
    ShilpaMa, Oct 8, 2013
    ShilpaMa, Oct 8, 2013
    #16
  7. Oct 8, 2013 #17
    shama146

    shama146 Gold IL'ite

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    :eek:mg: where were you savitabhabhi till now??? Thanks a lot for that pearl of wisdom. We at indusladies missed so much till now...Hope you will keep enlightening us Bhaisahab....oops she is bhabhi.
     
    shama146, Oct 8, 2013
    shama146, Oct 8, 2013
    #17
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  8. Oct 8, 2013 #18
    Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Plan a short weekend getaway to a quiet place and spend time together free from work and other stress. Try initiating early in the morning. maybe shower together. Maybe most of the time it may end up in just foreplay and nothing else. But it may slowly lead into the act.

    Another trick which i have tried is to excite him enough and then throw towel. Eventually, it leads to an exciting time.
     
    Akanksha1982, Oct 8, 2013
    Akanksha1982, Oct 8, 2013
    #18
  9. Oct 9, 2013 #19
    sona147

    sona147 New IL'ite

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    Thanx Ladies,
    You know Ladies yest i called my husband while he was in his office just like old days and we talked for an hour and then after a very long time he said "i love your voice on phone" and then i realized that i love this man and then when he was home yest it was all different i complained to him like a baby sitting near him holding hands and he too was interested and listening to me very nicely..to my surprise i came to know..that he knew that his efforts were lagging..
    He then said to me, "I know i'm not putting good efforts i know you have some basic requirements,but I'LL BE BACK.." he says this most often, but still i liked to here it..

    Then yest late night we were pasting cover sheets on our kitchen slap and we sort of enjoyed it together and it was late 1 am, but today he made sure and gave his best so did i..and we are back i felt so happy and i feel as Rihana said there are times when we expect and it doent happen but its fine all was lacking was timing.. varalakshmi42 i liked your point about over weight..actually he has a good muscular body..i take care of serving him less oil as he too wants it less and we go for regular jogs morning and evening..so that i dont think is the issue..but yaa he used to go to the Gym prior of me coming to stay with him may be leaving gym had made him go down at times..


    ShilpaMa your point is too correct we felt the lack of flexibility and refreshment so the other day we went to walmart and we grabbed a pair of badminton and we play it alternate evenings and we are doing good in all other senses..

    Akanksha1982 i agree with your point of getting away but on the recent long weekend we went for san diego LA trip we enjoyed it and it was all fun..

    Well to conclude all my husband has actually completed his studies from boys school and some where i feel he SOMETHINGS lacks the basic knowledge of being with a woman DEFINITELY HE IS NOT AT ALL RUDE but just some basic things i guess that a boy learns in a co-education.. Anyway i guess my husband is getting pressurized on the thought that he has turned 30.. I have seen him saying this often "Yaa and i've also turned 30" i guess this turning 30 has touched him alot.. also at times he tries making him up saying "so what if i'm 30 i'll be back" but turning 30 is ok i too have turned 25..i support him on this..
     
    sona147, Oct 9, 2013
    sona147, Oct 9, 2013
    #19
  10. Oct 9, 2013 #20
    Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

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    they teach these in co-education?:p
     
    Radhai, Oct 9, 2013
    Radhai, Oct 9, 2013
    #20
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