Problems After Marriage-Help Required

Dear OP,

I feel your parents should not interfere in your financial matters. After marriage, only husband and wife should have right on deciding their financial aspects. Nothing wrong in helping your wife's parents when they are in need, it applies to your parents too.

Seems, your parents are still treating you as a school kid, where parents interfere on how they are spending their pocket money.

 

Betu,

You have two options.

Option 1: Deposit your monthly salary into your dads account and also if possible sell one of your kidney and deposit that amount in your dads account and then ask him for your monthly expense.

Option 2: Ask your dad to deposit his salary or his pension amount in your account and tell him you are man enough to make decisions and you have to learn how to run a family and you are ready to take control of everyting including your dads expense.

 

Hello Betu ,

I really appreciate your efforts .

I personally feel that whatever you have done is right . You are a son ( i am not saying Son-in-law) to your wife's family and you can help them financially if they are in bad conditions . I dont feel nothing wrong in that . You took loan to support her family for your marriage..and that a very good decision..I think you should tell your parents that they should understand that you have some responsibility for your's wife family as well .Being the only son (or son -in-law) [assuming your others sisters in laws are not maried] ..you should take care of your wife's family ...Tell your parents calmly this..I hope they will understand it ..and take care of your parents too...TAKE CARE

 

i am not sure why your parents are indulging between you and your wifes matters.

this is wrong. its impossible for you to transfer your salary to their account.

if you transfer, what will you save and carry forward.

 

In that case, he can save that money in bank because banks pay interest.

 

I don't think anyone is justifying the parents. It is understandable for me why they are asking their son to give them his salary. They are concerned that he may give rest of his earnings also to his wife's parents. Perhaps, they are insecure that their son is giving too much important to his wife's parents. These are all plausible, possible and feasible reasons.

Can you please explain who is "out of order?" OP's Parents or the posters here who seem to understand where the OP's parents are coming from?

 

Although I don't justify OP's parents asking him to deposit his salary on their account, I understand where they're coming from.

OP took a loan for his wife's family and hide it from his parents. In my opinion, it's wrong. He should have told his parents. Now they feel cheated and are afraid if their son also get cheated by wife's parents (their assumption).

Our indian family system is not same as western family system. In the western society, parents don't have to pay for kid's education. They don't sacrifice their livelihood or financial freedom to educate their kids.

In indian system, parents give up everything for their kids (most of them). Can't we be little honest to them at least before the marriage?

OP: I wouldn't advise you to deposit all your salary to your parent's account. You have your own family now and your parents will start micro managing your life. HOWEVER, please have an open talk with them. Tell them that you shouldn't have hidden the loan information and you should have trusted your parents.

That's all they need. Convince them slowly and ask your wife to adjust them until they become normal (Again, assuming your parents treated her well before this problem popped up). Try to win their trust again.

 

Your parents are only concerned for you.Come on, they have been taking care of you all this while and you should have the trust that what they are saying is only for your own good.
They must have got their antenna's up when they have found about your distribution of money to someone who has just recently joined the family that is your wife. To them your wife is still an outsider and it does not make the situation any better for your wife to fight with your parents at this stage.
Talk to your parents and make them understand you aware of the consequences of your actions.
You also have to understand that now that you are married, the prime focus should be you and your wife. Your wife should understand this too. No doubt her family is financialy in dire straits but it is not fair to you to shoulder this responsibility as well

 

So you are married & earning I am assuming you are an adult ? If that is the case why are you required to give account of your finances to your parents or anyone else for that matter. If you & your wife are earning and are agreed upon how your money is to be used, you are not answerable to anyone.

However, this might be a time to reflect on whether you ARE managing your money properly and not overdoing with helping your in-laws, that your parents & their needs are well taken care of if they are your dependents. And first & foremost you are taking care of your own future. Helping your relatives out is good. But you need to make sure they are pulling their own weight where possible.

 

Hi,

You are an adult responsible enough to hold a job. You can assure your parents that you are responsible enough to manage your own finances. If your parents need financial help, it's one thing, but if they're asking for your salary because they are afraid that their DIL is going to siphon it off to help her parent and siblings, it's a different issue altogether. If it's the former, you'll surely help, but if it's the latter, don't entertain any of their demands with regard to details of expenditure or hand over your salary to them. This would be simply sowing the seeds of discord in your marriage. Try not enter into a confrontation with them, but if the topic comes up, you should be the one dealing with it. Your parents may be having your best interests at heart, but even then it is not fair on their part to behave like this. The mere fact that your wife and her siblings were in dire financial straits (under circumstances as tragic as you've mentioned) does not automatically make them money-grabbers.