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Husband not paying attention in conversations

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ppriya182010, Sep 18, 2013.

  1. ppriya182010

    ppriya182010 Gold IL'ite

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    Mine is love arranged marriage, 6 yrs married with a daughter. We have had our ups and downs, downs being more. In-laws issues, non-trust issues, etc. Well we sail thru.

    Recently I am seeing a trend with my DH where we will be having a conversation in the car or at home or in chat. I will be talking and will not get any response. Either he forgot or didnt wanted to respond, but just silence. I will just be left out and simply keep calm. If its happening once in a while I can understand, maybe he is in some tension/thinking,etc. It seems to be happening everytime I even try to have a simple conversation. Whether personal topics or social or news or just something. I keep telling myself to just shut my mouth. But everytime I go on to talk and it will end up in either indifference/diverting to totally diff topic. (For eg, if we are driving together, I will be talking abt how it didnt rain and forecast said its going to rain. There will be complete silence as if I spoke to some wall and then he will respond like wow what traffic at this time, totally irrelevant). Its just that its happening a lot that I am frustrated,angry,sad.

    I have told him indirectly, directly and told it bothers me when I am just left out blank like that. But doesn't seem to have any effect.

    Maybe we knew each other for so long that he thinks we have nothing to talk about. I don't know. Is it something normal as we are married for more years? Am I just over-thinking it?
     
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  2. Chitravivek

    Chitravivek Platinum IL'ite

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    Huh how I thought I was the one and only one doing this to my DH.. Priya i feel youre over thinking it... At times when my DH talks I get lost in my own sweet world and after 10 mins I realise he was talking and would telll sorry not even a single sentence of yours went in to my mind :) Well believe me this happened yesterday too when we were driving back from work... Unless there is a serious communication gap or mis understanding I wouldnt worry about it.. May be his mind is already occupied with something iimportant or unimportant..
     
  3. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    Maybe he doesn't know what to say...some conversations are abstract. Sometimes after many years, some things are understood.
     
  4. SUBHAARCHIE

    SUBHAARCHIE Gold IL'ite

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    hi priya,
    Social upbringing teaches men to be less expressive…It’s common for women in a relationship to feel their men just don’t respond when it comes to talking…it’s just the way most men are…
     
  5. rosemary12

    rosemary12 Silver IL'ite

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    If you can try reading "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" book. It would tell you the basic difference between the way men and women brain is wired.

    I have noted the above scenario with my DH too. When I make conversations with him when he is free, he is very receptive. But when he is driving / reading a newspaper, sometimes he goes to mute mode, not even aware if I am talking to him or not. May be because unlike us, they are more of single tracked brain, and unable to concentrate on 2 or more things simultaneously.

    H reads newspaper, W talks to H, H does not even seem to hear W, W thinks H is ignoring her, whereas H actually was not even aware that he was being talked to.

    I have seen this happening in a lot of cases. So my assumption is this what happens with you too. I may be gravely wrong. I just shared what I know from reading a few books, and my own experience! :)
     
  6. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    back off.Dont talk anything.Let him stat the conversation.Then reply to him.Do it few times.
     
  7. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Come on Gals, learn this technique, instead of cribbing. It has helped men escape from unpleasant nagging for ages and ages. High time we adopt the trick in our lives and learn not only to ignore but completely and truly un-hear their obnoxious talks (eg: MCP views, my mom this, my sis that, etc). :rotfl
     
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  8. bharthi

    bharthi Junior IL'ite

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    Hi Priya,

    Have you thought about having conversation on topics that is interesting to him? See, I can go on and one about kids, their education etc. But my husband completely tunes me out after a few minutes only wanting to know if a decision is need to be made.

    On the contrary if I talk to him about economics, he would be all over. This doesn't have to be arcane things. We explore topics like why are same products less expensive in the US than in India (even the ones made in China), why what happens in Syria matters to America? etc.

    At first it was hard for me to get into these topics. Now, he knows that I genuinely show interest in his topic. Over time, he is starting to show interest in having conversations on topics that is interesting to me, even thought it might not be interesting to him.

    Finally, explore some common hobby. That would bring a whole gamut of things to talk about.
     
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  9. Chapra

    Chapra Platinum IL'ite

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    Priya, I think most of the men are like this. My husband does this all the times. Not intentional though. Unlike women, men cannot multi-task. They cannot drive or read newspaper or watch movie and respond to us. Initially, I felt so bad that he is not responding but gradually I understood that its his limitation. Now, I dont crib that he is not responding :) Rather, I pause the movie and speak with him. He ought to respond!!!! How is it? :)
     
  10. greenbow

    greenbow Gold IL'ite

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    Instead of telling how it bothers you, why dont you simply ask your Q again... say "What do u think.. it was supposed to rain.. hmmm?"
    These are small things, if he doesnt respond once, get him to respond by repeating your sentence.

    my DH and I have known each other for 9yrs.. when he talks about something boring, i say 'you are boring, after these many years, we dont have any interesting topic to talk'
    then when he says 'ok, you talk something' .. i say, 'we have talked about everything all these years.. nothing more to talk..'
    We make the situation light instead of worrying why we are not talking. He teases me saying.. u r bored already?
    Some days are just dull. Thats all. Take it easy.
     

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