Root cause of Hubby's inclination to his birth family

While I was hoping for a lot more viewpoints and a lot more causes, I guess we have attained a reasonable degree of convergence, hence I am summarizing and closing this post. Thanks ladies for your valuable inputs!

Summary of the root causes of husband's inclination to his birth family over his family:

1.) Lack of teaching on 'responsibilities after marriage' for husbands - First and foremost, nobody told them, least of all parents, may be out of selfish motives, that after marriage one's primary responsibility is towards their wives, not anyone else.
And even if somebody did tell them, it was as a passing remark or in a voice so low that he never heard.

"Right from the childhood in india we girls are taught that your husbands family wud be yours n all that while no such teachings are there for boys.no one says that your wife n kids will be your family while girls r alwaz told that your husband n his family will be your family after marriage..so the boys never get this thing that after marriage wife is also their family. she is alwaz taken as an outsider and remaining part is done by the ils..where they will be having different say for their daughter n dil.."
<mybaby1>

2.) A feeling of loyalty and the need to repay debt towards parents who took care of them. Husbands quite conveniently forget that even wives have such debts to repay but they do not keep running at the drop of hat to their parents.

3.) A social conditioning which makes husbands feel ashamed of enjoying with their respective wives when their parents are suffering the pangs of old age, notwithstanding what's advised in the sacred texts - that pursuit of a married life (dharma, artha, kama) is very important to attain true salvation or moksha.

4.) Something missing from our side due to which they get drawn to their parents' family.
A.) Lack of diplomacy from wives when ranting about in-laws
"Also, most wives give them a convenient out and say "you are good but your horrible parents are brainwashing you" which compared to "you have become selfish and don't care about us after marriage" is not really that harsh."
<Nd123>
B.) Our own loyalties towards our parents
""It applies to both sides, a gals inclination for her family and a boys inclination for his family.Mainly becos of habits/ acceptance pattern and a way of life people get used to.
Now whosoever is left out as minority.... guy in a matriarchal society and a gal in a patriarchal society... starts feeling left out or too constricted in the new atmosphere.. and start crying fowl."
<ShilpaMa>

5.) Immaturity of husband -
A.) Refusal to grow up and take responsibility
"Physical growth without corresponding mental growth.
Nobody will come and tell him everything. Its his life and his responsibility to learn many things by himself.
The one who doesn't know to set his priorities right ..... its high-time he gets up, dusts his but and look beyond his small circle. There is more to life than what he thinks."
<metamorphic>

"It depends on the son, actually. The inability to grow up and take responsibilty and try to think clearly and objectively are other reasons"
<polymorphic>

B.) Husband not learnt to think for himself and control his life.
"when a grown man cannot think for himself , then others will control him.. like they say -" if you do not control your life, others will control yours". I dont have anything against husband looking after parents needs, except i dont accept their control over my life. It is when inlaws tries to control everything in the son's life in the name of selfish love and getting involved that creates problems."
<polymorphic>

7.) Husband not taught to be independent, perhaps deliberately.
"Parents not teaching children to be independent.
Grown up man not understanding that he needs to think with his OWN brain and not implementing whatever is told by his parents."
<lucky22>

8.) Cultural status quo rooted in patriarchal male set-up where husbands/males and thus husbands' families too, are the rulers and women the slaves who need to adjust but not the husbands

"It is been the culture followed in our soceity.
1. They had to show the male chauvinism
2. In-laws brain washing words and the dramas to them(most of the in-laws doing this)"
<deeparani2>

9.) Commonality with birth family, habituation and already gained approval - shows how lazy and 'miserly on effort' husbands are who do not wish to adjust because for adjustment one needs to make efforts and a bit of sacrifice too, like giving up on some conveniences/habits. Moreover it is easier to retain an approval than gain new approval/acceptance of self

"I believe the most important reason is the husbands have more in common with their birth family. They all think similarly and if they don't they have already established a dynamic of handling differences.
Additionally, they are used to a certain level of approval from their birth family and don't want to give it up. Its easier to hurt the wife or live with her disapproval."
<Nd123>

"Some ppl get soon adjusted to the other partner or family and their life's song... others who're not able to be at peace becos of lack of their own adjustment capacities or those of their birth family who constantly keep reminding them... that this is not you and your folks ... are seldom able to find happiness in marital life. This becomes a strong reason for restricting a gal/guy's visit to their folks and frnds post marriage to ensure that s/he's not reminded of any other way of life and simply resigns to the ways of their new home. Some do it willingly and some with resentment."
<ShilpaMa>

10.) Treating marriage vows and the whole rites as merely a ritual or joke to be forgotten.
"They say it only during marriage but what happens later,they comfortably ignore/forget it and be more loving to their parents than ever before..."
<TheBeliever>

Brainwashing.
While this is not the root cause , as here we are trying to explore why husbands get brainwashed against wives rather than anything else, just listing it down here. The following answers why MIL brainwashes.

"Because the root cause of the problem especially the MIL has a fear that what she did her whole life i.e controlling every member her husband her children should not be done by other women in the family I.e the dil so they misguide their son by misleading facts and emotional drama as soon as the son becomes eligible to marry. Before marriage son''s are told to be independent smart confident but as soon as he gets married he is asked to be dependent for the old parents, not to act smart, and confidence will be quotted as over confidence."
<rama84>

Selfish insecure parents brainwashing kids against the new wife! It all begins there....
<tulipzz>

This is where it evolves after the marriage, but it began even before - husbands are already inclined towards birth families even before marriage and refuse to change.