plz suggest me

shama146 · Sep 9, 2013

hello friends,

Just to brief you guys I got married to a very abusive man who literally made my life hell. You can check my first thread. I am living with my parents for the last 7 months. In these 7 months my so called DH tried many things so that i should go back to him. But this time my family and I are determined that I don't want to go back at any cost (as he has done these tricks before also and I got fooled).

Now my DH has sensed that I won't be coming back to him. So now from the last 3-4 weeks he is sending me horrible messages saying either i should come back to him or I should leave him. He is such a shameless creature that he wants to remarry again (he hasn't told me, but i know). he says he has got such a good salary, so why should he spent his life like a bachelor waiting for me. Friends I don't want to remarry again in life, as i am so pissed off from all these things. Now my only aim in life is to teach this man a lesson in life. he destroyed my whole life and he shows no remorse for this.

I want to file a case for mental and physical torture against him, but my parents who are old and mentally very weak are telling me to get mutual divorce. They are against any court cases as they say it drains a person completely. they say let him go to hell. we should not involve our self in those matters. It's better to leave him ASAP.

My DH also wants this that i should leave him ASAP, so that he can remarry again (though he is not revealing this to me, but i can make out very easily).
But I don't want to leave him so easily. I also know that court cases are very taxing both financially and mentally, but by mutual divorce he will get his way very easily. Again he will destroy any other innocent girls life.

please friends help me out, as to what you guys think would be the correct step. my mind is not working. Shall i go for mutual divorce or drag him in the court by filing a case. Need your sincere advice.

dark · Sep 10, 2013

hi
sorry to hear this.
you are not going to achieve anything by teaching him a lesson , leave it to god.\
try and look after yourself and do what is best for you.
people will give you many advices but no one would stand next to you.
do what you can and leave everything on god.

shama146 · Sep 10, 2013

Thanks dark n Jillma for ur suggestions. Ur posts are inspiring.

jillma u have been in ths situation, so u will understands how tough this phase is. thanks once again friends.

jillma · Sep 10, 2013

shama , your post on 2nd sep on False Ray of Hope .... so accurately reflects my sentiments GR8 Post

sanvi5 · Sep 11, 2013

How long are you planning to stay away from him to teach him a lesson.

If its for a certain period of time like few months to 1 or 2 years then its fine but if you want to stay away permanently still being married to him it may not be possible.

I read somewhere that a spouse can file for divorce and then you have to attend certain number of hearings and then divorce will be granted. even though you may not be interested to divorce him he can still apply for divorce.

If your super pissed with your husband gather evidences and file cases against him make sure if you have any joint properties you get your share and then divorce.

Just staying away may not teach him a real lesson. At some point he will be frustrated and he himself will apply for divorce , so dont waste time and put in some action.

Betrayed · Sep 11, 2013

Abusive men never change and trying to teach him a lesson will only hurt you more. If you are planning to leave him, leave asap. Hope you find peace and happiness you deserve!

justice218 · Sep 11, 2013

Dear OP

I have been through something similar as you. I used to think the same at first, where i wanted to teach my horrible husband a lesson, and so i started the saga of filing complaints, going to lawyers, running around courts, filing additional court cases if the initial ones didnt put pressure on him. And after all this, that disgusting man went on with his life, got a new job and enjoying his life just as he was when he was a bachelor and making me villian in this story.

What did i get out of all this you ask? Well basically a whole lot of agony, stress, loss of precious years where i could have gotten on with my studies and moved on with life.

people like ur husband and my husband dont learn lessons that easily and they certianly dont learn lessons from innocent people like us. I say leave it to fate and let GOD do his job.

I always think that my name came up before my husbands on the karma list , so i'm going through all these problems now. but i have slowly built the hope and continuing to do so. his day will come soon.

i know the anger you feel. please do what your heart says, going through court cases requires a lot of support, especially from parents. please think calmly, go through all the posts in this forum and make ur decision wisely.

Nonetheless, if you still feel you need to teach ur husband a lesson. I wish you all the very best and pray that god give you the strength to go through everything. :thumbsup

shama146 · Sep 11, 2013

Thanks sanvi, betrayed and justice for your valuable feedback.

@justice: So sweet of u to share your personal exp. at times i too feel the same way. it's useless to drag him in court.