H4 Wife - Things to do?

Re: In the same boat too...but not for long

Hello ladies,

I m Richa & also sailing in the same boat. On H4. Moved here 8 months back & looking for some work opportunities.
Can anyone suggest me something.

 

Re: In the same boat too...but not for long

I am also on h4 and now I am doing my Masters here.I tried for job,but nobody was ready to sponsor my h1.
I applied for F1,lets c now. This is the only way i have found.

 

Hi, you can start earning by taking survey. It won't make you rich but you can easily make $200 or more per month by spending just an hour or so on Internet everyday. (Watch out for scams and frauds).

 

Re: In the same boat too...but not for long

hi Namrata

this is Meena.Even i am planning to do masters can u suggest me something? actually i am in a confusion mode weather to do Masters or Job .

 

Re: In the same boat too...but not for long

Hi Meenan,

I have done a lot of research about this and also have a masters in the US. It all depends on what field you want to study in and what is your academic/professional background. We can talk about this in more details if you like.

 

Hi All,please help me out.I am really depressed.

I have been married for more than a year now. I am on H4 visa and came to US last year. I worked in India for around 2 and half years.I tried to file my H1b last year from my company...but unfortunately did not work out. This year my H1b visa did not get picked up in lottery.

My personal life is also not going well. I decided to give GRE and TOEFL. My husband was fine with me preparing for GRE but he was not emotionally supportive and helpful...He used to always fight with me during my exam...He was not concerned that it was emotionally disturbing for me. A week before my exam, I asked him to come home early (by 7.00 PM) so that he can help me with cooking. But purposely he used to come late and after cmin too he used to watch a full length movie.He never helped me with anything,on the other hand he used to call his mom and complain that I am asking him for help.During a fight ,he even went to extent of booking my ticket to India. He always keeps threatening me that he will call my parents.He has called them many times and keeps complaining about me( at odd timings). They get very tensed.I am really worried about their health.I have told him many times not to do that, but he continues to do this.

With all these fights too, I gave my exam and secured admission in a reputed university.I cant explain how tough it was for me to forget and study.Now that I have secured admission, he is happy with it. But a new problem has arised - Financing for my MS. I always felt that he was not interested to finance entirely for my MS. His family members are to some extent responsible for brainwashing him.He always drags my Dad into all this.One of his family members told me indirectly that they want my dad to pay half of the amount. When I confronted my husband, he denied all this.I made it very clear and loud that I am not interested to do MS if he is expecting anything from my dad.He said that he would be sponsoring completely. But I still feel that he has some issues.

I have tried my best to keep my dad away from all this. But he keeps dragging my Dad for some or the other issue. Last week he was working with a bank in India and submitted all documents with the help of his family members. His family members are helping him as they have all his documents.Now the issue is that he feels my dad is not contributing and making any efforts to talk to bank guys and get things done (My dad only suggested this bank).His family members are helping him out as they are in the same city but my family lives in another city. My dad can hardly do anything.First of all why is he expecting him to do?

My husband is going on hurting me emotionally.I dont like him anymore. I dont want to see his face daily and stay here. Day by day its becoming unbearable.I keep on crying the whole day, dont know what to do. I am so depressed and feel very lonely. If this continues , it will affect my physical and mental health.
This time, I want to do something.I want to go back to India and get back to work. My husband's visa is for another one and a half year .His GC is in process but not sure if it will work out (50% chances).If it doesnt work out, he will come back to India after his visa expires. But if it works out,I will have to come back on H4 visa.He is not willing to move to India under any circumstances.

I cant stand him anymore,I need a break from all this.
Guys please help me.What should I do ? Pursuing masters is a good idea with a man like this? Will he let me study peacefully?? I am sorry for the long post.

Thanks,
Ria

 

Dear Ria,

Hugs to you. Firstly, I think you should move this post to the Relationships section. Many of the expert and experienced posters will advise you there.

Secondly, the answer to your question would depend on one big factor - what is the alternative you have if you don't study further? Most likely, in the current economy, you won't find a job in the US unless you add a masters to your resume. Can you be happy being dependent on your husband forever? Two years of struggle and fighting might be worth it if it leads to you being financially independent and a vastly better standard of living for your family.

Also, about financing, have an honest conversation with your husband. And if you feel your husband isn't being forthright about what he expects from your dad, you take it in your hands and get a loan from an Indian bank. You can put your dad or some other close relative/sibling as guarantor. Once you have a job, you pay the loan back. Of course, don't make your dad pay for any of it.

When you are studying, change your visa to F1 (student visa). Don't continue to be on H4. On F1 visa, you can work on campus during your masters and after finishing, you can convert it to OPT (work permit) for a year. That way, you will no longer be on your husband's visa. And after graduating, you can get a job and have an H1 and decide accordingly. Do you know when your husband is getting the decision for his GC application? How much time has it been since he filed for it?

Guys tend to make their wives' life difficult when they feel the wife is 100% dependent on him. If you take charge and show him you're independent (in terms of financing your education), his attitude might change a bit.

Hope this helps.

 

I too agree with AS86. Why do you depend on your husband for loan. You can do by yourself and continue your studies. You can apply for F1 and H1 after a job. Try to act independantly, that may try to change him...

 

Re: In the same boat too...but not for long

hi namratha

thanks for replying i would like to talk more about this.I am for B.E computer science background

 

Re: In the same boat too...but not for long

hi AS86
thanks for replying.i ve completed B.E in computer science
and i ve 1 and half year of experience working in IT feild.
can you give me any suggesions on what i can do?