Miserable Outings

That is sad....he really doesn't know what he is missing.
Let him go to his mommy and you plan your family day with the kids at home. Even if he is at home...just ignore and exclude. If he can't enjoy...let him not stop you from enjoying your family time with them.

Sometimes leave both of them with him and have some time for yourself. Let him know what you have to go through dealing with the kids on your own. The kids will also appreciate you more .Like a poster mentioned ,do spend some time with only DD as focus.Be her role model rather than her father. Let her copy your behavior than his.

If your daughter is really young(below 10) then doing simple things like getting her similar bangles as yours or earrings also helps bond. You can have nail painting season with her or anything similar.

Once they are in their early tens...you have to do the opposite. They don't want to do anything that mom does because it is so uncool. Puberty is specially a very good time to make lasting bonds with a daughter. That is the time to make her aware of the special bond she shares with only you in the family.


p.s...sorry ...quoted the wrong post....:bonk

 

Dear Shilpa,

Hugs & TLC to you your DD & DS. And one tight slap to your BH.

Others have given you great ideas ..particularly about spending some one on one time with DD I would recommend the same.

Had a similar situation ..not as bad as yours but my BH also has a somewhat negative outlook ( this I think is hereditary for his fOO) for everything and ofcourse getting ready atleast 30 mins after the scheduled time. Whenever we have to go out he will never be ready PILS if they have to go with us will be restless ... all long face etc. Now I tell him a time 30 mins before schedule. Joke between my DS & me is that we will never be able to watch a movie from the start if we go with BH .. and when we do manage to get to the theater in time we congratulate and thank him ... this from a 10+yr old got him thinking. he now tries to be on time. So I am hoping and praying that your daughter will be able to get your husband moving... Get your daughter ( may be in an excited manner)to tell him to get ready so that you guys can get going on time..explain to her the importance of being on time and schedule like in school so that you all get to do all the activities as planned. When your H takes time and causes the delay... let your daughter explain her disappointment to him ( Papa you are making us late that is not a good habit as per my teachers - pl let the teachers take the blame here). see if it works... it will take time.

Please have maids that are available 24x7 its required for your sanity. Also teach your DD to pick up after herself and DS if he can ( I do not know much about his health issues but it may be nice to include him as well in this so that she does not feel picked on and he feels included)

Also try this - tell BH that you will leave at such a time. at that time if he is not ready, call a cab or get an Auto and leave with Kids and ask him to meet you at the mall/restaurant by such an such time. If he is not there in time again go ahead and order food and eat with children on time. may be he will learn.

Its always a uphill battle to teach our children to look at the positives.. When DD is upset leave her for a few minutes... then divert her attention from the subject by pointing out to something that will interest her. Kids are like that when they find something interesting they will forget their complaints. May be later when you have some quite time with her you can ask her about her behavior and what she thinks about it. Get her to introspect and decide what is better a positive or a negative thought. I just thought that this maybe helpful.

Shilpama I have learnt a lot from you in the past years and have always admired you for how you handle everything. I wish you all the very best and peace of mind.

Lots of happiness
Mani75

 

Hi Shilpama,

I meant you could make her see the funny side of it when things annoy her. Making faces like her dad and losing her cool of course is never going to help. Perhaps you could ask her after each episode whether she enjoyed being a mean person. And then ask her what SHE could have done differently to make things better - with respect to her mood. Sort of tell he that she has control only over her behaviour and not others'.

You've probably tried this but has your husband noticed that your DD is emulating his undesirable behaviour? If not, it might shame him a bit into changing if you brought it to his notice in a very matter of fact manner?

 

Hey, shilpama why u r inactive in other threads now a days..

 

Hi Shilpama,
Hugs to you! You really are a superwoman trying to juggle all these crazy things. I totally see where you are coming from. If we are all going out, by the time we load everyone in the car and leave, i have zero energy left. I feel drained and sapped. And even in the car, one of the two is always whining/crying/screaming. Those noises in small, closed spaces can seem like absolute torture. (my DH helps big time)Luckily our destination is usually some fun place for kids so they are happy once we reach there. Although i have no solution for you problem as a whole, you can try one thing we do. We usually (at least aim to)leave earlier than our original plan. Let's say, our plans need us to leave at 11 30, we aim to leave by 11 and get ready accordingly. It almost never happens, but we finally leave by 11 30, which is good enough. If you are the one who plans, you dont even have to tell the original time, you can only tell everyone that you are required to leave by 11 30, if you want to leave by noon. That way your H will go take a shower at 11 30 and not at noon... This simple trick makes a difference

 

Hey shilpaMa
Long time no see??

Sorry i dont have any suggestions to make, i am sure other ILites might have already given you some excellent suggestions.
I came to give you the hug that Shantana was talking about.

All i can say is ...dont worry this phase too will be over soon.

 

Hi ShilpaMa,

Its been a long time since you have been around here, but I am guessing that you wanted a time off from these threads also !

I really don't know what could solve this problem of yours but its clear that your daughter is aping her father's behavior and what can be better than NOW to divert this. Many have given you wonderful suggestions. You can't change your husband for sure and its only possible if he realises that himself. So its better that you mold the clay (your children) as they are capable of absorbing things easily compared to adults.

I too don't know what to suggest you and hope that many more will come out with good ideas. I just came here to pass on my HUGS to you and lots of wishes for things to start getting better.

 

Gosh You have a MIL in the name of H....Sorry for these words....

:bowdown:bowdown to you. You are one Super Woman. I guess we women only are increasing our boundaries of tolerance....WHY???