Is this marriage worth saving?

Having a baby won't miraculously vanish all your problems.
In fact bringing a child in this world when you are not sure about your own relationship is a very bad idea. In normal circumstances we can dismiss your husbands rude remarks due to stress of not having a baby but physical violence, sorry, but there is no justification for it and is a big no.

 

No my dear, this marriage is not worth saving. I will say why?

A man who has being physically abusive with you twice, will continue this pattern. It is immaterial whether you have a child or not. (Based on many near n dear ones experiences).
He taunts you for being childless. He is very insensitive. believe me this person doesn't loves you a bit. his antics will continue through out life. It is foolish on our part to think that such jerks will change after the birth of a child. A jerk is a jerk, no matter what. Don't waste your life with him.

 

He beat you....what were your hands doing...couldnt you land atleast one slap back on him ???

 

hugs to you dear. he hit you second time... what a &*^%%^$.

Looks like he and his mother needs a baby only to fulfill their status in the society that he is not childless.

Plus his mother is coming this month end. God Bless you dear.Things might take an ugly turn. Be prepared in advance. I don't mean to scare you, but just want you to be alert so that you don't end up hurting yourself.

Ask him, does he want marriage only for a child or for a family with wife?

I don't have anything else to say.... but best wishes in whatever you decide. Keep your cool and then think what you want.

 

Dear op, so sorry that you are in a situation like this. i'd like to share my own experience with you. My husband and I had our first baby almost immediately after we got married. We were over the moon when we found out that I was pregnant. We made sure i ate the best food, got plenty of rest, attended child birth classes, bought the best in market baby stuff, in short we were very well equipped by the time I delivered. Our life was treading the perfect path, so we should have had our happily ever after, right? Wrong! When our baby was born, we were quite clueless. We were both very naive and had no clue about a single thing even though we were so prepared with all the information we needed. Thats when all our marital problems started. Before, We had a to do list that we checked off everyday and our days we well planned and executed. After baby, we threw our lists in the air and tended to the child's needs day and night. Dh was preparing for an exam so he had to study day and night and attend coaching classes which meant more of me alone with the baby. I went crazy with no friends and suddenly being cooped up in the house with an infant who cried all the time. (and as i said i was pretty clueless) all these small things kept getting bigger and our marital life was not so rosy anymore. Before we knew it, we were fighting. A lot. So much eventually that we forgot that our love is bigger than all these fights. Now we have two and we are very happy. we have learnt to balance a marriage and two children, but what im trying to say is, please do not think a baby will solve your marital problems. I dont know about others who have had a baby and had only happy times after that, but there are also examples like me who have had it much harder after having children. Please think about it!

 

Dear snm1984,
Really sorry to know your situation.
My opinion is please don't think about breaking the marriage now.Both of you take some time and think about this.He is also frustrated with ttc phase.You have mentioned that first year of your marriage was blissful.So afterall, you both were an understanding couple.Everyone makes mistakes.Its easy to break relationship,but takes years to make up one.Please take effort to save your marriage.

 

Dear SNM1984,

I go with DIVYA R NAIR,

its very easy to break up things, but to mould it its not so easy...so take decisions wisely when it comes into married life, everyone has problems in their own way, its how you make out of it..

love
soumya

 

Snm, I'm really really sorry that you are having to face all this. You know that I had pcos just like you, was ttcing for 2 yrs and I'm pregnant now. Its a wonderful news that your cycles are regular for last 2 months. How is the day 21 progesterone? Mine came normal only once and I conceived. What I mean to say is don't loose hope, dear, even one ovulation is enough. So don't worry about TTCing. You will be pregnant before you know it. Lots of bay dust to you.

Now coming to the real issue, that is your husband. I know how much support from the husband a woman going through ttc needs, but I can also say that it is still less than what a pregnant woman requires. And others will tell you that a new mother deserves far far more. A man who is so heartless towards his wife now, is not going to be any better later. Any other time I would have pitied an husband for being frustrated over the uncertain TTC process and those infertility treatments and saying what he shouldn't have. But, when he clubs it with his dowry expectations, tries to extract that money from his wife's father under the pretext of infertility treatments and resorts to physical violence to achieve his aims, he looses any consideration.

Snm, please know that, there is a very thin line that separates a bad husband from a criminal one. Your husband harasses you and your father over dowry; he has nothing but a cruel tongue for you over your struggle to conceive and he has been physically abusive with you on at least two occasions. He has crossed this line not once or twice, but four times (from your one post only). Pardon me, for my very strong language, but I can only see a man who should be rotting in prison, living a free life because of his wife's mercy.

 

Dear OP,

I have PCOS just like you and with my husband being extremely understanding and supportive while we are TTC, I feel a lot of stress. I really understand your position right now and the issues just doesn't seem to be constrained to infertility at all. There are much more problems in your marriage right now and I suggest you have a open conversation with him before your MIL comes. Physical violence shouldn't be tolerated in any circumstance. Make that clear to him.

 

Is this marriage worth saving? Many of us here will say no that is because we do not know him, let alone like him or love him. It is your feelings that matter. If you like him too much, most likely you will end up staying with him. If you don't like him, you will be quick to walk out. If you walk out, make sure you are prepared to live alone in every way - emotionally and financially. Don't walk out thinking "someone will take care of you".

Aamrapali