I regret my life!

cutekid · Jul 22, 2013

You know the culprit is Mood swings-Due to pregnancy harmones and its perfectly normal.

Tell me why you didnt think about all this earlier or did something about it?

Its just a phase and you are anxious and worried. So relax and once your baby is born and well taken care you may think of working.

DGcreative · Jul 22, 2013

Loved the way mp1234 & pman16 answered. There isnt much you can do here...or can you? If you keep regretting you can do nothing...nothing for your self independence nothing for the baby either. Use this time to feel positive about your motherhood phase & take some short term courses. If you are creative types take up some hobby & develop it. You can start with youtube videos to learn new crafts & skills & then develop & market further.

Count your blessings...you are young, have a GC, a Hubby who takes care of you, a pregnancy. If you keep thinking of the MIL who stays far away from you (assuming they stay back in India) You will not be able to do justice to your life & keep regretting.

Take hold of your life.

Rise · Jul 22, 2013

Dont try to keep the world happy...cause you will be sad at the end of it...... we have only one life ...live it the way u want.... it is not necessary to please everyone you meet.....

Silentscream said: ↑

I always wanted to be an independent career woman as well as a good wife and daughter. But due to my orthodox parents I was never allowed to work, and got married right after college. Luckily they let me complete graduation. It has been 4 years since I am married and no job, as I only started looking for job since last year and I was on visa. As soon as I got my green card I started searching for jobs but even a waiter's job needs experience and I dont have it. Even my personal network isn't so strong. I didn't even study further afterwards as my husband wasn't too forthcoming about it, so no money no further education. Not to be mean about housewives but I feel really insecure living as one and completely dependent on husband or parents. I mean I can't trust him blindly. Now I found out I am pregnant and I can't stop crying. I feel like my life isn't my own and will never improve but it will only put me in a rut. I will be even more dependent on my husband. His life will be very little impacted after kid apart from financial responsibilities but my life will only go downhill. The remaining freedom I have will be gone. Even my MIL (whom I hate the most in the world) brags about her other daughter in law earning a lot of money and a high position while making me feel insignificant. Obviously after the baby comes my MIL will grow too insecure and limit my visits to my parents and would want more time and hold over the baby. Not to mention her constant comparing me to her other DILS and her own daughter. After my baby comes she will leave do the same with other grandkids and my child. These things may seem too small to others but it is too much for me. My head will explode it seems. I can't share these things with anyone else. Every one will think I am insane. But I am just not happy about my life:drowning. Please don't judge. I just need some advice and insight. Thank you.
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beanstalk · Jul 22, 2013

So OP,

Why is it late now to do what you wanted? What is the problem? You do not have higher education done here. You do not have experience. Pretty easy to fix don't you think?

You did not go for higher studies because your husband did not supported. Well you can do that now. Its not too late. You can take more practical/work oriented courses. You can land job afterwards like any other newbies does.

If education is not your preferred route, I know women who did online courses and became teachers. They slowly did courses until her kids were 5 and then started substituting and then got full time job after she had enough experience with substituting.
I also know somebody with no experience, who joined in a job at helping in daycare after a bitter divorce in US.
I also know a mother of two kids, who wanted a job, so she started helping at the Indian grocery shop for some money and then started working at one of those little bank outlets in supermarkets.
I also know somebody who is stay at home mom of 3 kids mostly teens, and is now planning to write a book and has been asking me questions about how to start blogs, make money through ads etc.

All these women had no experience at all. All one needs is determination.

There is no end to what you can do. Why regret life? Life gives you enough opportunities. You might have missed some, but there are still plenty more. You have but only one life, rather than regretting ti, find ways to enjoy it. For example you are going to a wonderful phase and will soon go through the best moments in your life with a baby in your hands. Your life has in no way been wasted.

Gauri03 · Jul 22, 2013

I want to share a post I read on another forum. This was a few years back when I was going through a similar dejected phase. I don't know this lady but she has been a huge inspiration to me. I saved her post and still read it whenever I need a boost of motivation.

"I am writing this for all of the ladies who wonder if they are too old to go back to college or start a new career.

I went back to college at 40, got my B.S. at 45. My former career was as a musician and I always kind of felt like I was too "creative" to be a "real" scientist. I graduated with high honors, got scholarships and awards, but attributed all that that to just having the follow-through-it-ness of an empty-nest mom on a mission.

Genetics always fascinated me. I did my internship at a genetics testing place with some intimidatingly smart, admirable women doctors. I discovered that I had a knack for karyotyping (organizing chromosomes by sight). I mean, c'mon...moms know how to organize things, right? My creativeness was actually really helpful for the pattern recognition needed to sort out chromosomes- a skill I possessed that they said they had never seen the likes of.

Fast-forward five years. Out of nowhere, they contacted me. I met with them this week and they told me that I was the best intern they ever had! When they recently lost a full-timer, my name came up. After 5 years and many many other interns, they wanted ME to fill the position doing tissue culture and karyotyping. I could just pee. It's everything I worked for. They are eager to teach me as much about genetics as I am willing to learn. I will learn ALL THE THINGS! Best week ever.

I am closing in on 50 and I have a new career and I actually feel like I am a real scientist! Moral of this story, you are NEVER too old. There are a LOT of us out there. Don't let rules get in your way. They are ILLUSIONS- THERE ARE NO RULES! "

Your issues with age, baby, education and family are illusions. The only thing holding you back is your own mind. If you want something badly enough, you will find a way to get it.

sanvi5 · Jul 23, 2013

Now u found ur pregnant so be prepared for the baby's arrival . Go step by step. Dont think about too many things at a time.

Your matured enough so for the comming nine months please be happy and only think about your baby.
After baby's arrival take care for few months and then take help of your mother in law to baby sit your LO and join some college course small and easy one's.

Meet education councellors they will suggest your short and easy courses and though which you can get job easily.

I have seen many women who do short courses and got jobs being on green card is not very difficut for you. I am sure you can pursue a career after your baby is born. Think about the possible things dont regret for what has happened. You may be facing hard time but believe me from your post I understand your life is far better compared to other problems.

soulful · Jul 23, 2013

Now go back and read everything you have written.

you regret about the past which you cannot change.

you are worrying about the future which you have no control over.

are you enjoying the present on which you do have control? NO!

It is all about choices and what you choose to do with the present.

If you want to regret the past and worry about the future, you will be unhappy and THAT will be your choice.

If you count your blessings and and be happy, THAT will be your choice.

your happiness lies in your hands.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Wish you a safe, healthy and happy pregnancy.

Silentscream · Jul 24, 2013

Thank you for your reply and apologies for my late reply.
I do love my hubby, but there are ups and downs. Trust issues I blame myself for them, as I have very high expectations from a person. I also believe that it is not wise to trust blindly. Hence my apprehensions. I wanted to have a career to prove my worth and just to satisfy myself as a human being that after my hubby or parents I won't be destitute. My husband never encouraged me much for job or education. May be he doesn't take me seriously.

Silentscream · Jul 24, 2013

Gauri03 said: ↑

I want to share a post I read on another forum. This was a few years back when I was going through a similar dejected phase. I don't know this lady but she has been a huge inspiration to me. I saved her post and still read it whenever I need a boost of motivation.

"I am writing this for all of the ladies who wonder if they are too old to go back to college or start a new career.

I went back to college at 40, got my B.S. at 45. My former career was as a musician and I always kind of felt like I was too "creative" to be a "real" scientist. I graduated with high honors, got scholarships and awards, but attributed all that that to just having the follow-through-it-ness of an empty-nest mom on a mission.

Genetics always fascinated me. I did my internship at a genetics testing place with some intimidatingly smart, admirable women doctors. I discovered that I had a knack for karyotyping (organizing chromosomes by sight). I mean, c'mon...moms know how to organize things, right? My creativeness was actually really helpful for the pattern recognition needed to sort out chromosomes- a skill I possessed that they said they had never seen the likes of.

Fast-forward five years. Out of nowhere, they contacted me. I met with them this week and they told me that I was the best intern they ever had! When they recently lost a full-timer, my name came up. After 5 years and many many other interns, they wanted ME to fill the position doing tissue culture and karyotyping. I could just pee. It's everything I worked for. They are eager to teach me as much about genetics as I am willing to learn. I will learn ALL THE THINGS! Best week ever.

I am closing in on 50 and I have a new career and I actually feel like I am a real scientist! Moral of this story, you are NEVER too old. There are a LOT of us out there. Don't let rules get in your way. They are ILLUSIONS- THERE ARE NO RULES! "

Your issues with age, baby, education and family are illusions. The only thing holding you back is your own mind. If you want something badly enough, you will find a way to get it.

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Thank you for your wonderful reply. It is truly inspiring. I am not so academically inclined but I can always work harder. Thank you.

pman16 · Jul 24, 2013

Silentscream, think about getting into software industry by doing a testing course from a reputed institution. Many of my friends have got back to work force after a careeer gap of 10 + years. Give it a shot.