Should I Accept Or Not

distressedgirl · Jul 5, 2013

Hi, I am a 26 year old female, I have been browsing through this forum for quite some time. Now I am in a tricky situation in my life, I am very confused. Hope people here would help me. I was in a relationship with a guy for 4 years, every thing was going very good.he was the second guy in my life, the first one cheated and left me. He was the guy I yearned for, he was perfect for me in all aspects, I would never get a better person than him in my life. I felt lucky that I met him and thanked GOD that the first guy left me. We both were very keen in marrying each other until my parents opposed this marriage due to caste differences. his family agreed for the marriage but my parents didnt. I was unable to convince my parents, he was very heartbroken. All these happened a year and a half ago. My parents wanted to marry me to some other person of their choice. A boy's family came to see me and they were very much interested in me.

I didnt want to marry the guy my parents had chosen and I was fighting for my love, when someone sent a mail to the boy questioning my morals and thereby warning the boy and the family against marrying me. Myself and my family were shell shocked on hearing this issue, still now we are unable to find out who had sent the mail. I am pretty sure that the letter was not sent by the first or the second guy with whom I was in relationship. Meanwhile my guy was still fighting for marrying me and I resisted him and told him to move on but he is not accepting it.

Now almost a year and half has passed, remember i told a boy's family came to see me before, that boy has recently started talking with me and expressed his interest in marrying me, I told him about the mail he recieved long time back, his entire family knows about this, he says he and his family are ok about this and this issue shouldn't stop him from marrying me. He also told that he trusts me lot and marriage should happen. i told him that starting a relationship based on suspicion will not work but he is not listening.

Now what should I do, should i accept his proposal or should I not considering the fact his family has got bad news about me even before the relationship has begun. and even if i accept his proposal should i tell him about my past or should I hide it. Please help me out.

hotchillipepper · Jul 5, 2013

If you dont love him then you can skip him. ILs usually can be very tricky. They are their very best Before marriage and probably till 1 year after that. but there are bound to be frictions and there are big chances that your character will be assassinated at the drop of the hat. This guy might be extremely understanding Now but in the moment of weakness/frustration/anger he also might join the gang. These might sound pretty filmy now but this possibility of future might be very bitter. Better search someone from scratch. You might want to ask this guy to give you the copy of letter to get the handwriting checked or do some detective work to find out who wants to stop you from getting married. Because if he did once he might do it again!!! He might be your ex or someone you never noticed. its best to find the truth and deal with you before its too late.

RadiantFlower · Jul 5, 2013

I wouldn't.
I feel a marriage shouldn't start out on a wrong note - if you accept this proposal you would be putting yourself in a very vulnerable position, and especially in the Indian social context, things can quickly take a turn for the worse.
Before you know it, the man and his family would turn against you and you could even be turfed out of the marital home.

distressedgirl · Jul 5, 2013

Thanks hotchillipepper for the reply, In the first place I don't love the boy, Its just over a month he started talking to me, he wants to marry me, he says he doesnt take that mail seriously and he trusts me. As far as the mail goes, I tried but I am unable to find out and I am sure its not from my ex. now I am confused about accepting the proposal.

friendlygirl · Jul 5, 2013

I wouldn't marry him if I were you...I will try to convince my parents about my true love....
Like our friends Herr have mentioned... they waited for a year.... judged you and are coming back... A relationship with this kind of a start is risky.....

How did this guy react first when he came to know about the letter one year back?

distressedgirl · Jul 5, 2013

@friendlygirl they didnt tell anything. We also left it as it is.

polymorphic · Jul 5, 2013

Better to make things very clear about why he suddenly became ok with all this? Are you sure past affairs will bring a problem to your future marriage with this guy. If you like this guy, marry him. If not, the next time some proposal comes, its better that your parents inform them clearly of your past affair rather than a third person sending them.

PS: Your paretns may feel happy that someone is ready to marry you inspite of knowing your past affair, but this does not mean you have to just say ok to any guy. Dont feel grateful for the person marrying you is what i am trying to say. Whatever happened in your life is in the past and so dont let anybody pull you down because of that.

distressedgirl · Jul 5, 2013

@polymorphic The problem here is he doesn't know about my past, he says that mail should be fake and he trusts me that I have done no wrong.

rose2000 · Jul 5, 2013

If i were you, i wouldn't accept this proposal. You were in relationship with 2 guys and this new proposal has got this email. This guy doesn't know abt your past and thinks the letter is fake. If you reveal him your past now before marriage, it will confirm the contents in letter and not sure how they are going to interpret it. If you dont tell about your past and end up marrying this guy and if he comes to know about your past after marriage, then you life is going to be a hell.

polymorphic · Jul 5, 2013

OP: sorry it was not clear to me that you had not set the facts right for the guy . If you want to conitnue with this guy, you should either have the courage to tell him the truth abt the affairs. In our society, these past affairs are best told before marriage so that no misunderstanding occur later on, i think.