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The relevance of men's posts in relationship section

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by nemesis, Jun 26, 2013.

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  1. Quebec

    Quebec Platinum IL'ite

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    [​IMG]

    yes that's me.... The predator..... Always trying to take advantage of innocent ladies here..........

    Somebody stop me.........!!!!!!
     
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  2. aminroop

    aminroop IL Hall of Fame

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    not true. I think sokanasanah gets the most likes for every post that he cares to post. also, nemesis gets them a lot for his one-liners. oh and quebec's poems.
     
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  3. Quebec

    Quebec Platinum IL'ite

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    Ah aminroop so wise you are......

    Yes yes.... Quebec is the best........

    Jai Q baba ki ......... Jai ho jai ho........

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2013
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  4. Ajith

    Ajith Silver IL'ite

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    Though you had asked about male members' post, let me tell what effect IL has on Indian men like me.

    I started reading IL's relationship forum to know about women's issue in general and also to find solution for some marital issues that I was facing. In that process, I learned what makes women happy and what they really expect from their husbands. It affected my behavior and attitude positively to certain extent. For example:


    • I don't let my wife load the dishwasher and I do the dishes before going to bed
    • Talk for more than 5 mins to my in-laws (it used to be less than a minute)
    • If possible I try to help with laundry
    • Consult with her before buying big ticket items
    • Spend/Talk at least for 15 mins with my wife after dinner / before going to bed
    • Stay in my FIL's house for few days when visiting India
    • Send Rs.10,000/month to in-laws to offset their monthly expenses
    It may look trivial to some of you but I wasn't doing the above until I started reading IL.

    IL also has negative/unwanted effects on me. The posts made me realize that I am far better than some of the husbands of ILs. I can never hit my wife or be disrespectful of in-laws or be stingy or very controlling or have secret affairs. I guess most husbands are like me. After reading the sad stories here, I feel my wife doesn't show the love/affection that I deserve. My wife has no issues with MIL/SIL because she hardly talks/interacts with them. When I see ILs desparately trying to get a job - women with immigration issues, education issues, experience issues are trying their best to find a job (due to their interest to work or forced by their husbands). Yet my wife with no immigration/qualification/experience issues and a job that she can have anytime refuses to work. While I was OK with it initially, after reading the posts in IL my anger level is up.
     
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  5. indianguy2010

    indianguy2010 IL Hall of Fame

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    Saying that all men in this planet would behave in one singular way , when confronted with a problem, would be the stupidest answer in human history. Every man's (woman's too) behaviour , way of thinking and attitude towards love and sex are conditioned by two very important things :

    1) his own biology

    2) his cultural background and brought-up.

    Individual men would vary widely in their cultural background and way of brought-up and hence their attitude and behaviour in the contexts of love and sex too. No denial of it.

    Nonetheless, there are some common biological factors, which would be more or less , the same for 'most men'. These also would vary to some extent between heterosexual and gay men. Yet, one is scientifically justified in making generalisations in at least some contexts of love and sex.

    For example,....men are visually aroused and women are emotionally aroused.....This is the reason which leads to the often debated 'male ogling'..............and the another issue of '**** watching'. I am not here to say, that 'male ogling' and '**** watching' are right, because there is a biological justification for it (JAG, please note...........this point is for you). It is also, not to say that due to this biological wiring, all men will continue to behave this way only.........and you poor women, you are all condemned to accept it as normal. Certainly, that is not my point.

    My point is.........understanding our own biology makes solutions possible. It gives us fresh insights to think of an alternative solution. Let me take '**** watching' as an example.

    There are two ways a wife can behave in husband's **** watching . 1 ) First way.........She can get enraged every time, the husband watches **** , fights with him.........feels so insecure , when the husband gets visually aroused by looking at another nude woman in the computer's screen. She argues with him, the next day also ,telling him ,how hurtful it is , when he watches another nude woman in her(wife's) presence. She keeps telling him that the way he spends all his time at home in ****, leaving her(wife) alone. Fights escalate....husband thinks, she would never understand him, it is better not to any effort for a solution. He ignores all her objections........continues to watch more and more ****, by neglecting her............she continues to build more and more resentment............their emotional distance increases and so do their physical distance too. Soon, both become each other's enemies in the same home.

    2) The second way : The wife understands that '**** watching' is something which gives him visual variety, while sitting at home itself. At the same time, she has a discussion with him, convey to him that it is hurting to her. He needs it and it hurts her. The optimum solution, both husband and wife, arrives at after mutual discussion is.......he would not spend his time at home on **** watching, while the wife is with him. Rather he would spend his quality time with her activities like talking with good listening and sitting on sofa watching tv etc. He is allowed, by her to watch ****, on the days, she goes to her mother's house in the weekends or at the other times, when she is not at the house. If he feels like watching it , even when the wife is there, then it should be for the minimum least time............not for hours together..............say, not more than 15 minutes. The rest of the time, he should spend in quality togetherness with her.

    She does not like him watching ****. Yet, she could come to a consensus solution, wherein she allows him to watch ****, with no or least hurt to her.

    He gets what he wants , of course with some restrictions. In appreciation of her magnanimity in allowing him to watch **** at home, he reciprocates by understanding how sensitive it is to her........in appreciating, how hurtful and insecure it is to his wife, while he watches another nude woman in computer screen. He appreciates, though it is a non-live , figure on computer screen only, it is enough to hurt the wife's sentiment deeply. So, he takes every effort to minimise his **** watching to the bearest minimum. He is becoming a more sensitive husband and she is becoming an understanding /caring wife.

    I am not trying to say, who is right or who is wrong here. The point is, rather, maintaining final peace at home, by coming to a solution mutually acceptable to both, with least hurt to each.........neutral mood at home...........a mutual friendly feeling at home............which leads to love and passion.

    You guys can ask me, why women only ? why not men understand women's biological needs ? yes, it is true for both genders. Women , in times of stress, appreciate , simple bodily displays of affection like long cuddles (not necessarily followed by love making) hugs and a netural looooooooong conversation, where the husband carefully listens to her............or a two-some coffee in a restaurant with a long talking. A husband should appreciate the biological brain wiring (these are words many here find controversial)of women, that this way of being available emotionally...........in the form of long cuddle, hugs and two some togetherness with a coffee outside and long neutral conversation ( I AM DAMN SURE, THESE ARE THE FEW THINGS, MOST WOMEN, MISS IN A MARRIAGE)

    The understanding by the husband that how this display of physical affection helps the enormously during the times of her stress.............makes him a caring husband , a loving husband.

    Now, another argument crops........a woman posts, "You are bracketing all men as **** watchers. Why not women ? I am a woman, I love to watch ****.". Well, it may be true. But how many women love to watch ****. The numbers are exceptionally minimum (IG has not found it out, this is what research says). How many husbands have ever complained , "Oh..my wife spends all the time in watching ****. I am being left alone" ?

    Coming to cuddle, hugs and non-sexual display of affection, again a woman can post soon, "Oh IG, you are bracketing all women in one group, yearning for non-sexual display of affection. My husband always enjoys such non-sexual togetherness himself." Well, it may again be true. Your husband may belong to the exceptional minimum men, who , like women enjoy, non-sexual physical display of affection. But think , how many husbands have ever complained , "Oh..! My wife always uses me as a sex object. She uses me only when she needs sex. She never gives me things like cuddles and hugs with me. The only time, she needs me is when she wants sex. If sex is the only thing she wants from me, when will she want just me ?" I have never heard any husband saying these lines............and do not hope I will hear these lines from any husband in future.

    Mind it friends............exceptions are there everywhere for anything in this world. But exceptions do not make the rule invalid.

    Understanding our biological behaviours is not to condemn that we are supposed to live with one rigorous behaviour only , which our biological brain wiring has compelled on us. Rather, it is to make us more tolerant individuals towards the opposite sex...........and much more..............being able to find out a mutually acceptable solution............which leads to final peace at home.

    Do I make some sense to you, Poornima and JAG ?
     
  6. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Men on IL are equally biased on their responses based on the happenings in their life...

    There are few who lighten the mood... few who spell it like you, few who need more details to understand a new concept for them and few WHO are ready to draw swords .. the moment they feel threatened or reminded of BAD wife to their LOVING parents..............

    Actually I haven't been able to find a man who can think or react like my H, to understand his MALE perspective... and for his family........... I need to read more of replies from MILs and SILs (women who think unlike me) and also of MEN who say YES YES YES to the women related to them by BLOOD.

    Eg: Recently there was a post where a lady mentioned that her brother loves and forgives her if she says sorry for her mean behavior cos thats how he's used to her growing up with him... however none of the men ever try to say this truth but some simply curse their wives for making faces on their sis or mom for not being able to forgive for their meanness and obv NO SORRY clause.
    I only remember one useful thread (from my needs).... Confessions of a Momma's boy..............
     
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  7. cedantseq

    cedantseq New IL'ite

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    well mens comment do count.
     
  8. steve

    steve Platinum IL'ite

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    I think most men are disinterested in getting involved between MIL/SIL-DIL in real life and on the net apparently. To him, they are all his people. To her, they are his people. Figures.
     
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  9. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Steve I agree to some extent... but then a few threads by men do get started with... meanness of my wife towards my Siblings and parents and rarely with meanness of my parents for my wife (Exception : Confessions of a Momma's boy)....
    SO def ALL are MY FAMILY theory suits fine as long as the bld relatives are not in pain.

    Some men have it on their profile... MARRIED...
    SPOUSE - NOT worth talking about.

    I rarely see this description for a female profile.... women are yet learn to be thankless to the spouse.
    If there was an option of PIL-
    Male profile wud say - Who are they
    Female profiles wud say - Am here to maintain my sanity by venting about them.
     
  10. catwalk

    catwalk Gold IL'ite

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    I don't care if he watches those movies whole night... I am irritated when he force me to repeat those actions in bedroom.. He says it is NORMAL.. How can that be normal.. the worse thing is, he blames me when he fails to perform all those wierd things..
     
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