end of 24 yr marriage?

Hi,

First of all appreciate you for trying to help your wife.

Its just frustration on her side and nothing else. She is tired. Appreciate her for what she is doing when ever possible. After kids go to bed take note book and sit down with her. Talk to her calmly and understand what is more stressful for her. May be its her job?? is there any possibility that she can take a break.

She just needs some rest. She is tired of cooking, working outside etc. Her life is kind of routine with all chores and all this is frustrating her.


My suggestion to start with.

1. Plan for a week vacation. Take less efforts from her and plan by ur self.
2. After coming back. Sit down and jot down all the tasks at home. Share amoung your selfs.
3. If your finances work hire outside help for cleaning, ironing etc.
4. Atlast if it works let her take some time off from work and stay back home for some time.

Again I am 100% sure its stress, frustration etc happening. I am a working mom with 1 1/2 year old toddler. I my self feel loads of frustration with office, home, work etc...Trying to be patient though .

Trust me give her more love she needs it now. Don't think of divorce, its not a good choice for these temporary problems. You are responsible for kids. Kids life will be hell if you divorce her and them.

Throw out the issues not the relationship.

..
sweety

 

Hello OP,

I thing i know exactly what's happening in your life, because my hubby's friend went thru ' the same. High lights of his problem - His wife went to the extreme .. Yes she called the police, police came and warned both of the them- she suspected him with whatever female he talked to- believe me..he is a strong built may be 200 lbs or more and she is an ordinary indian female - less than 140 lbs- she hit him and during the fight she hit her mother inlaw too. Sound very serious right... These things happened may be 2 yrs back. They have two kids boy 6 yrs and girl 5 yrs now. These are the obvious signs of post partum depression and she is on medication and she is behaving normal now...i'm not saying 100% lovy dovy with her husband But they are having less problems now adays. YOUR WIFE needs treatment. Pl don't take extreme measures for the sake of kids. She will be ok once she is on medication. Give your kids MOM a chance.

 

I believe, lot of you ladies will be curious about hitting mil episode she was throwing corelle plates on her husband, but her hubby escaped but the frozen mil got hurt by the broken plates. Oh boy... It was so scary after this chaos we got a call from her hubby and we ran to their house convinced all the affected parties but the dil was not at all asking sorry to her mil she was so stubborn ... Her mil was not very bad... But like anyother typical mil. We took her to our home for couple of days.

 

It seems that you had kids very late. Its very very difficult to handle small kids when you are nearing forty. Moreover, it looks like your wife went through two delivery within the gap of one year. Her body must be fatigued by this and age and maybe premenopause too. This is the time when hormones make huge changes causing mood swings and irritability. In all such time the kids are small and must be demanding her energy and time continuously. Its a tough situation for her.

Get her a full time help to handle the kids. Don't worry, soon they will start full time school and will be out of the house for most of the time. This will give both of you a breather. Compensate your wife strictness by giving love to them. My mom blames my dad even today, after I'm married and brother is well-settled, that he spoilt us. Don't take the accusation too much to the heart, laugh it off.

 

Tis true
Probably she is missing some "couple" time away from the kids...some exclusive pampering specially on the two days you spend working long.

 

Post partum depression after 4 years? Can this happen? I think it's unfair to expect the husband to be calm and composed after being so supportive. You are already taking care of the kids 5 days out of 7. What does your wife want? Ask her directly...she can't be like this forever. You need to come back to your life and if she is not willing to compromise, it's her loss.

 

She is frustrated, even though you may be helping a lot, she may see it is trivial wrt to what she is going through. does she miss her people?, can her mother come over, she will enjoy her stay may be. Is your wife working full time?, if a she needs to go part time ASAP or even abreak from career.
Even if she is sahm, she probably is not able to control the toddlers And she feels like a failure.
Get a baby sitter for the 2 evenings you are not home, kids will behave well and will be so happy with someone who can play with them. Go to care.com or such sites and research. It will get better in 2-3 yrs, if you don't fix this now, it will affect and ruin your marriage.

 

Also looks like you are doing a super good job, your wife is not able to appreciate this for some reason, she is unhappy, and you are unhappy, some disappointments, some expectations may be unrealistic in your wife's part, to clear,. But a check up would also help.

 

Well you both had kids pretty late in life after 20 years of marriage , was it by choice or something else?
People get used to a certain routine and hate it if it gets disturbed , maybe the arrival of kids upset her routine.
Child rearing is tough and requires a lot of patience, energy and the bulk of it is considered a Mom's job , if the father pitches in he is praised.:bowdown
No accolades for a Mom as its her duty.
Get a nanny if you can afford it.

 

according to me it is may be due to pre menopause stress.
at this age handling smaller kids even for their own mother is a difficult task as harmonal changes begins.
so i feel she must consult a gynae first.
after 40+ it is quiet natural to get irritated as husband's who are in their 40+ busy in their jobs.so your wife needs some kind words like had your food? how was your day?