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Weird behavior started again

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Barbie2013, Jun 3, 2013.

  1. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Hey Barbie....... I had a classmate who was Bald... but he was a real hunky dory guy otherwise... Already booked by a model :rant :rant How I wish I had a profile pic with him :hiya... but NO........ I was ARRANGED with a THICK HAIRED and skinned guy :rotfl :rotfl.....................

    Yes if you're not happy with certain traits.. then don't go ahead with it, I would actually say... meet a person, talk to him and find out if the HAIRS really matter... or is it the grey matter and or sense of humor....

    Recepie for a HUNKY DORY BALD guy..... completely shaves his head (instead of part baldness) and takes his gal out on some trendy bike .. hits the gym and is dressed well in a toned body.. so you can meet n check other aspects apart from the visible ones on the passport size pic........

    Since you, your mom are a bit serious types... u need an active bubbly person... else getting another emotional person like you.. .will get too monotonous.
     
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  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Barbie dear...

    You are right.. If you do not like someone, you have all the rights to say NO with whatever the reasons you have for that rejections. If you are reasonable, then no one is going to say NO to that nor do they speak bad about you. But the way you have written about the bald head guy and the proposal that your parents have chosen for you, and the way that you have looked at whole of this matter only showed how immature you are in that.

    You need lots and lots of maturity at this age, specially as a divorce, who is looking for a re-marriage on practical terms.

    Maturity is not something acting as if you are matured, and then feel bad over it.. NO. Maturity is something that makes you look widely and have a broader mind to analyse, accept and live with that. That infact makes you more happier than now.
     
  3. Helpmeplease127

    Helpmeplease127 Silver IL'ite

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    Barbie, I agree with you. Everyone has a certain choice regarding the looks of a their future husband. Its not something to be ashamed of. I really think you should wait for a man that you find is handsome and smart according to yor choice.
    I have seen cases where the husband or wife will later on turn overweight, bald, lose hair etc etc but thats different because you are already in love at that point.
    Its very very important to be attracted to your partner.
     
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  4. Barbie2013

    Barbie2013 Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for understanding my feelings.
    People only think of a girl's marital status and say at the end of the day that she should adjust.
    Guys always want beautiful girls but girls shud compromise on looks. Thats what ppl think of.But you are different from the crowd.

     
  5. MrsPotluri

    MrsPotluri Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Barbie,

    I sense your anger and frustration. Maybe a little too much, possibly? I can get that maybe....JUST maybe you wrote your post with a little bit of haste and now you feel you have to translate all that you've shared with us.

    I would like to say I do understand that your mom is giving you mixed signals. Name a mom that doesn't! But maybe she feels partially responsible for some of your past and is wanting you to really find a way to happiness. Mom's say stupid stuff sometimes, but is it really stupid? Or is it that just don't know how to manage the words or the emotions they feel and it just comes out sounding like a pile of insult or misunderstanding? I personally think that's the case with your mom and her displaying that "Get married and get out" feeling you have.

    Every mother loves her child, and they absolutely hate seeing us slip and fall in life, they take it as personal failure. So don't lose your cool with her, as tempted as you are to, and just label it as white noise.

    As for your comments about bald guys and Mr. Perfect. I have to agree with other IndusLadies that have commented before, that you sound a little mixed up in your interpretation of 'maturity'. I have a cousin who when we were in our early and mid twenties say, "I don't want Mr.Perfect, I just want the guy who is exactly what I want him and need him to be..." and what was my reply?

    "Babe, what makes you think that guy, "who is everything you want him and need him to be"...would want to be with you???"

    I give you the same advice.

    Not to insult, but to inspire. What have you done to improve yourself and make yourself the best version of you? To make yourself a pleasure to be around for more than just 'looking good together?'

    Being pretty doesn't mean squat when you've got bills to pay, a baby to breast feed or errands to take care of. Trust me, he won't give a crap if your pretty if you can't balance a cheque book!

    Likewise, you aren't going to care if your husband loses his hair, has an extra tire around his waist or forgets to pick up the dry cleaning if you have bigger fish to fry in life.

    Remember you're signing up for Team "Forever, Until I DIE"...

    Instead of looking for a husband to match what you want right now, look at yourself and ask "Am I the best version of myself? Or can I be better as a human being?"

    Men want women who inspire them, someone to grow and improve with them as they age, make them get up in the morning and feel purposeful...being pretty, young looking etc, is the bonus :) SO are you that? If not, start working on it....only when you've done that, will the right guy seem right for you

    THEN worry about people laughing at you.....

    Good luck and God Bless
     
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  6. JustMyself

    JustMyself Gold IL'ite

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    Hello OP,

    Your Mom would have been so unhappy when she saw your married life go bad. She herself would have been upset that she could not help you choose a good life-partner.

    And may be she is wondering how you are being treated in office. Since, you mentioned that you did not wanted to refer the cousin to your company, she may have assumed the worst, and suggesting to quit work, so you could be out of the "tortures in your company (in her mind)". That is how I see it.

    Every Mom would want only the best for their child. Am sure, your Mom is also similar.

    You are currently depressed, and are upset. It is actually visible in your responses as well.

    As another IL recommended, it is better you try and deviate your negative energy towards something else, meditation / work-out / hobbies. Try and heal first.

    It is better to delay the next marriage, till you are healed and ready to face the world without any hatred.

    Cheer up ! All the Best !!
     
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  7. mapleleaf

    mapleleaf Silver IL'ite

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    Our moms become the easiest target to all our frustrations and anger (all of us are guilty of it dear, not just you), try to re-evaluate her opinions and advise......you will pleasantly be surprised to find her side is not all that different from yours, there is just difference in the way it is put. She too wants you to meet a trustworthy and good guy as it is your dream too( hence she gave the looks of the guy the last priority) .
     
  8. sweetyk

    sweetyk Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Barbie,

    If you did not like the guy its ok leave it. Don't stress much on some thing you did not like. I just want to write about your sore feelings towards your mom.

    No one is perfect. Every person has pro's and con's. Now as we grow older our understanding, maturity levels grow. Other day I liked a quotation which I want to post it here dear.

    "A perfect maturity is when a person hurts you,
    And you try to understand there situation and
    don't hurt them back
    "

    Your mom like any other women is frustrated.
    She must be tierd and worried for you and your future.
    She must have heard gossips about your diorce from all your relatives (which must be hurting her and she could not share with you as it will hurt you).
    She wants you to not to help in kitchen but take responsibility of the kitchen for some days which will in turn help you in your future married life.
    She was worried if at all you are not interested to work (job) it will put your life in more trouble as there is no other support for you.

    She is a sweet mom who is just worried for your broken life.

    Dear, for a while just close your eyes and think for all the sweet moments you had in your child hood with your mom. All the care she took after you.

    She needs a break. Take her on a vacation for 2 days. Just spend some quality time with her. Every thing will sort out.

    All the best to you dear.

    ..
    sweety
     

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