Uncomfortable behaviour of my friend

gopikarenjith · May 15, 2013

Re: Really Really need your advice badly

define your priorities as she define hers...

olivellam · May 15, 2013

Re: Really Really need your advice badly

Take the lead, like from Monday start saying oh i am dreading about the coming weekend, i have this, this and this lined up, slowly start the nagging and increase the pace and the frequency, by Wednesday she should know your schedule by heart. Put up a panicky face on Thursday and a sad face on friday as if you dread the coming weekend. She should feel scared even to approach you for something, even better ask her if she would be able to help. Do this religiously for 6 weekends and she'll stop even suggesting parties to you.. Good Luck!

JustMyself · May 15, 2013

Re: Really Really need your advice badly

Hello Laxmi1980,

Yes, I understand where you are coming from. We definitely need our family time as well.

If I were in your shoes, I would say something like, "Me & kids/DH have plans of watching movie(or any other plan) at home today.. I try to spend more time with family during weekends. You guyz proceed, Probably, will join when there is a family outing, so that I get to spend time with them as well as you guyz.."

Also, to make this easier, try few outings/plans (not at home) for weekends with your family.. that involves only you & ur family, and NOT her.. like family dinner, movie, temple-visit or any-other friend's bday etc.

When reasons are genuine, the person wouldn't get offended as well. And every time, you say a No, keep repeating explanations.. that includes specific words like ".... I try to spend more time with family during weekends. Am ok on other days (if you really are !) You guyz proceed, Probably, will join when there is a family outing, so that I can spend time with them as well as you guyz.."

Hope this helps.. Good Luck !

Cheers,
JM

Laxmi1980 · May 15, 2013

Re: Really Really need your advice badly

thanks gals and guys but probably i could not explain the problem well. My friend is involved with many different groups and she is tagging me everywhere. These are mostly potluck groups. Now these people finalise dates for potlucks way in advance that suits everyone. Soon after this upcoming party date was finalised I called my friend to say I have problem being part of this group. But she hardly understood what I meant to say and convinced me again. Let me tell you the real problem. This group consists of single women (no offence meant here, mostly separated)mostly. Now our friends group (common to both husband and me)is being resentful because a few times I did not accompany my husband because I had already committed to their party (comprising of singles). ?Though my husband has no problem I can well understand that people will not stop talking. I dont know if u can feel it but this pressure from this friend (who is also married with a kid) is taking a toll on me and my family

Hyral · May 15, 2013

Simply, stop interacting with her...make lame excuses and she will get the hint...if not tell her frankly...after all...ur relationship with ur DH is more impt than friendship with her.....and now again if she compares her DH with urs...tell her...be happy with what u have and pls dont complain abt ur DH coz I dont like to listen such comparisons simply tell her frankly...

Pallavi4me · May 15, 2013

Re: Really Really need your advice badly

If you want to keep away from someone, it is easy .. Just ignore.. their invites / calls / tagging.. they will understand that you are interested in being part of that group. Thats it. No need to crib about it daily..

You have to know to maintain your peace. sorry to be harsh, but you seem to be worrying about the non-issues.

123thirumala · May 15, 2013

Re: Really Really need your advice badly

for the sake of others dont neglect your husband just ignore them by using sugar coated words

Shanvy · May 15, 2013

Re: Really Really need your advice badly

we are grown ups, we actually know our priorities, but we still cannot say no is it because of just losing that friend, or there is something that comes back to bite our ***.

Laxmi, high time, you say no when those parties clashes with your family time. you need to tell her or SHOW her that your priorities are different and you will not compromise on them.

Honeyteddy · May 15, 2013

Re: Really Really need your advice badly

lakshmi!!! why to commit well in advance, when she tells her plan you dont commit first, simply tell somethng like my hubby wants to go to other place or i am having some other important work which we already planed. resist your self from commiting, if you didnt get any idea what to tell atleast tell her we will see.
later on that day skip and next day simply tel my Dh didnt agre to go as he already promised for some one else, just like that give some excuses and skip. Do this for 5-6 times next time she automaticaly stops. You know some times involving hubby ( just using the name ) clears some problems. My personal experiance. try your's.:thumbsup

rose2000 · May 15, 2013

Re: Really Really need your advice badly

ditto all. don't agree/commit to it saying that it is way in advance and you would only know just 1 week before that event if you will be free and if you really are free that week, then go ahead and join it. Or just simply ignore her phone calls/emails and she will get the hint.