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Younger Sister not accepting to get married

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by buvanak, May 8, 2013.

  1. buvanak

    buvanak Senior IL'ite

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    My younger sister is not understanding the necessity of getting married inspite of all of us talking to her. Parents are extremely concerned.

    I have tried all possible ways to make her understand. But she is not ready to accept.

    She is creating a self pity around herself. She thinks as though she is the only one loving our mother and our mother is not so loving to her and thats why my mother is asking my sister to get married and get out of the house.
    My mother is suffering from brain aneurysm. If mom's BP is high it is life threatening

    My mother is worried about my sister's behavior.

    She is 26 year old. How to bring up some maturity.

    I spoke a lot about importance of getting married, responsibility of parents as well as ours.

    Please share some advice
     
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  2. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    May be there can be some reason for her for not wanting to get married. Only if you can know the real reason / her apprehension about marriage.. you can solve the issue.

    I understand your concerns. It would have been tough situation at home.
     
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  3. buvanak

    buvanak Senior IL'ite

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    Yes Pallavi, I accept, We have tried to talk to her very openly, eg. Any love affair, we are OK to get him married to her.
    She is into nothing. Still she talks like this
     
  4. sarajara

    sarajara Gold IL'ite

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    I strongly believe that this is not a real reason from your sisters side. Please try to find out if she is interested in any one and not revealing it being scared of the problems she might face.

    I believe that there is some strong reason ; let aside your moms health.

    Talk to her friends and seek their help in finding out the real reason behind her disagreement.
    If its your moms health alone.. then talk to your DH and you all assure that mom would be taken care. She might have been worried about your mom that you are abroad and there is no one to take care of mom if she got married. Make her confident and if needed think of getting your mom with you or shifting to india.

    Also suggest her ideas like she can talk to the guy and stay close to mom to help her out after wedding.

    My Best Wishes! :thumbsup
     
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  5. varalakshmi24

    varalakshmi24 Silver IL'ite

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    Is it possible that she is in a relationship that she is not very proud /happy to disclose?Probably if she is what if the guy has asked her some more time for him to settle down? May be thats why she is trying to thwart all your marriage plans. Assure her that if she discloses her affair , you will not force her into another marriage.
    Give her confidence that whatever is the case, even if the guy has any demerits , you will still consider the option open mindedly.

    Also is it possible that she went through a break up recently and is unable to move on? Is she rejecting any specific guy you chose for her or marriage in general?



     
  6. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    She May not be into a love, but even then there must be some reason for her denial for marriage... may be scared / some bad experiences she has seen.. something like that. But you cant help is she doesnt speak openly.

    But as sarajara said, you can try with friends. Even if you are in good terms, sometimes due to distance the ease to discuss something important / confidential / controversial may reduce between sisters too.
     
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  7. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OP,
    Maybe your sis does not want leave Mom who is unwell.
    Explain to sis that Mom will be happy to see her well-settled in life and it would give your Mom great pleasure and happiness to see her married.
    Many times the DD living with aged parents does not want to marry as she feels that nobody would look after Mom.
    You have to convince sis that Mom will be well looked after even after her marriage.
     
  8. buvanak

    buvanak Senior IL'ite

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    You know what, my father is very well staying with my mother. My mother had a tough life. She doesnt respect our father because there had been instances where my father was drinking. We both have seen my father beating my mother when issues come up.

    I never wanted to get married seeing all this but at some point in time understood their happiness lies in all this and I accepted.

    She never talks to my father. My father cannot talk to her and make her understand. Eventhough he made mistakes, we cannot simply avoid him. he has been taking care of us right from childhood

    I have my own problems with my husband and In-laws. This all have gone to her ears through my mom. The big mistake I made in my life is whatever i suffered I told my mom with zero maturity and she shared with my sister. She hates my husband as he was not coming to my home or talking to anyone. MIL plays an important role to all this by controlling both of us and not letting me go see my parents.

    ONly now things are settling down in my family as I now know how to handle them and my husband is also talking to my parents with respect.

    She is not ready to forgive anyone. Her friends are all girls and I have talked to them about all this. She doesnt have any affairs
     
  9. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    What's the rush making her to get married??As long as she is working and taking care of herself well then just leave her alone and she can decide what she wanted eventually.There is no nessasity that everyone should get married.
    Probably she can find good person of her choice.If you make her to do without interst then she can get mad for very smallest issue in the marriage.Sometime time is greatest healer.So you guys relax for now.
     
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  10. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    some what agree with Priya16. May be few years down the line she may herself wants to get married. Anyway 26 is not the age to panic too (if that is also your concern)
     

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