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Secrets maintained without my knowledge between DH, MIL and SIL

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by buvanak, May 6, 2013.

  1. buvanak

    buvanak Senior IL'ite

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    During a video call yesterday new things are coming up. My SIL and DH has gone to a movie. This is not at all wrong.
    My husband never told me, but they also know that i dont know about it. They started blabbering about it in yesterday's video call when i was there. They realised and stopped the talk.

    I didnt ask him because It is not wrong. But not sure how many things are hidden between them without my knowledge. why are these in-laws keep insulting me like this?

    They keep making me cry during this pregnancy period. This is definitely not good for my baby.

    I have told him 'keeping secrets is going to affect our intimacy and our family'

    I remember what my MIL told me 2 years before - 'You shouldnt ask questions about what other(In-laws) get from your husband as long as you get what you need?'.

    Am i really in a good relationship?:drowning
     
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  2. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Why do you even care what do they do with their life??? If they are bad to you, you should ignore their going ons even more and act as if you don't care whether they watched movies or went on a picnic.

    And what you MIL said "You shouldnt ask questions......." is right to some extent. Of course, if they are pauper and are suddenly driving a Hyundai Accent, taking tours to US/UK, then you should definitely question. If you husband refuses you a gold earring while SIL is getting a diamond set from him, then you must throw a hell. But let go of such silly matters. Rise above them.....

    Do you have access to your DH's bank accounts, finances, credit card bills, etc by the way? If you are too worried, you can just check casually.
     
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  3. anugamit

    anugamit Platinum IL'ite

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    As long as your DH is involved, you shall ask questions.....Be shameless.....There is nothing wrong in asking....If they pry in every matter, why can't you. Tell your MIL that you are a part of this family and you have every right to know whats going on at least with your DH.


    Was it the case even before your preg, i mean from the initial years of your marriage?
     
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  4. buvanak

    buvanak Senior IL'ite

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    Yes it is the same right from the day of my marriage, i have become tired talking about it. Talking about future and saving money. Nothing works. So i left it.
    But now you know my emotions are really high and something idiotic comes up for me to cry.
     
  5. buvanak

    buvanak Senior IL'ite

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    I know every bit of what he does. But what is really annoying is, too much spending on MIL and FIL and also giving extra money. They are already earning more than enough, but asking my husband to give money.
    No one is really concerned about what is there for our future except me. If I ask about savings, no reply or it will turn into a fight. May be i should improve my talking skills

    I dont care about they going out without me. But still there is some amount of possessiveness right?
     
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  6. anugamit

    anugamit Platinum IL'ite

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    Almost all woman have tendency to go into depression during pregnancy.....We become more and more emotional during this time...so don't tell anything related to money to your DH, just that you need to be taken care of at this time.....Stay calm and relaxed....Whatever bothers you, inform your DH. Don't keep anything inside, just tell him whatever you feel....
     
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  7. ppriya182010

    ppriya182010 Gold IL'ite

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    Congrats!

    Pregnancy is such a golden period where a woman has to be pampered and well taken care. If your DH doesnt do it, ask for it yourself. Dont bother about any external matters. Your in-laws will keep doing what they are doing if you react to it in this way. Dont you see this is what they want? to make you feel miserable? Dont just hand it over to them. Dont dont react. Just be happy. Always think about the baby, read some baby books, baby websites, etc. Ask your DH to take you for a walk, movie (non-violent), mall, shopping, whatever makes you happy.Tell him it will all make the baby happy.
     
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  8. Decentguy

    Decentguy New IL'ite

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    I am sorry for asking this. Your profile says you are in UK. Is your husband and SIL in UK with you? or Is husband in India and you are in UK, Is he on vacation to India leaving a pregnant wife like you in UK all alone?

    My guess is this incident happened in the past and you are bringing this incident up NOW? Correct me if i am wrong
     
  9. coolpinky

    coolpinky Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes accept the fact that how much ever you try to get to know the things some residue will be still left over. As long as they are not major leave it. I have seen families where DH will be pulled away far off from his wife by SILs to talk in private.
    Its irritating but you cant avoid them.
    Even if they talk about veggies and groceries they prefer to talk in private giving us the impression that they are discussing something important.
    In my house nothing is discussed when I am there. I dont care as long as I am not affected.
    So give a damn to all this and go ahead in your life
     
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  10. buvanak

    buvanak Senior IL'ite

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    This happened in past and only now i got to know about it
     

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