Disappointment with second DD gender scan

Discussion in 'Pregnancy & Labor' started by stuti, Apr 25, 2013.

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  1. Decentguy

    Decentguy New IL'ite

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    It is not your fault. Just ignore inlaws and parents. Just think about your health and the baby's health
     
  2. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Stuti,

    you may have reasons to feel the way you do. What is bothering me is that you are unable to differentiate between things that are in your hands and can change and the ones you cannot do anything about.

    You cannot change the gender of your baby - you can change your attitude.
    You cannot change what people say - you can change how you react to that.
    Your acceptance of your situation alone will allow people around you to be accepting and supportive.
    Find a shoulder which can understand you, vent it out and be done. Come out strong and loving after that. Don't carry this as burden.
    Fair or unfair, just or unjust is just our perception and it can and should change. If you are in the mood and have the time, go through this thread Cheeniya's Senile Ramblings - IndusLadies
    Give your self a hug, any time the thought comes, shrug it off - have a dialogue with God and move on.

    I am not sure how far along you are in your pregnancy. But now is the time to enjoy your pregnancy and to look forward to receiving your bundle of of joy, for that is what she is going to be. It is not fun being "a guilty and depressed mother" - not just for the one you are carrying but also for the one you have already! Now cheer up and embrace your pregnancy and move on. Best wishes and hugs to you. Take good care of yourself.
     
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  3. stuti

    stuti Junior IL'ite

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    Naksh and Srama...Thanks for your supportive words.
    I am very sure that I am going to love this child in the same way as I love my elder one.
    I want to try to change my attitude and I am trying..thats why I seek support here to get motivation and improve my understanding of the situation from all you ladies.
    I vented out my frustation on my luck ,on God ...whatever it may be...
    But I am sure with everyones support I will be able to handle the situation better.
    thank you from bottom of my heart
     
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  4. Decentguy

    Decentguy New IL'ite

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    Stuti

    Great understanding. Concentrate on your health and the health of the baby. Make her feel special when she comes in this world. Give her all the love and attention she deserves.

    It is not your fault, your husband, God. No one's fault. It is how it is.

    Initially I was surprised that you had this attitude that you were feeling depressed, you being a girl yourself. But I know how you felt. You felt like you let everyone down. That is a feeling which will go as time goes on. Your inlaws and parents came from a different generation so they are thinking from that angle. You cannot change that. You are born in a world where you have all the resources you need. Just prove everyone wrong.

    All the best...I am sure you will be a terrific mom and your new baby will be happy to have you as her mom.
     
  5. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    I just feel sorry for you that you think God should be sitting out there trying to make you a perfect family when u don't have it in you to make your family perfect. I also feel sorry that inspire of the blessings you have in your life, you don't have it in you to appreciate them.

     
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  6. stuti

    stuti Junior IL'ite

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    Thanks diva. I read your posts regarding "Lucky to be a girl" and I saw how EVERYONE was pointing at you that you always force example of your life on others because you said that u had a perfect childhood, perfect life and got best of everything. Then how will you understand other's pain. Let me not say more as that thread speaks a lot about your personality.
    Thanks anyways for your support. Thanks for your kindness !!!
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2013
  7. teacher

    teacher Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,

    I second Naksh...

    In our family we have more girls than boys. The first born has always been a girl for several generations. So when a very close relative had a boy first we were surprised but it was fun. Her second pregnancy-we were all hoping for girl, particularly the mother. She is very much a girly girl and likes make up, clothes, the works. She would plan all the things she would do with her girl...the scan showed a boy and she was disappointed because of her 'dreams and plans.' It turned out to be a very difficult pregnancy and the whole family spent the last 6 months of the pregnancy just to keep the baby safe. All those dreams went out the window because she was too busy focusing on what she needed to do. The baby is here and she is hoping that maybe the girlfriends will be girly girls. We tease her and say "what if your child turns out to be gay?" She just says, "I hope the partner is stylish and natty."

    It is inevitable that you dream and make plans...I will do this with my child, I will do that...it may take a little while to adjust those to suit your child (in this case gender). Don't torture yourself over these feelings...you won't remember any of this when you pick out that prom dress or that first saree...you will be living in that moment and not for your future plans. It will be all about your child's plans for the future.

    Good luck.
     
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  8. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    I know a wonderful mom who had a boy for the first and was wishing for a girl. On the scan, she found it to be a boy. Her family and she were disappointed. Within a week, there was a problem and the baby could not survive. Now she wishes she didnt feel that way.
    I refrained from posting before but lady, you are stretching it too far. I dont deny that women do feel the way you do, but they get over it very soon because after all, the baby is a part of you. I feel your daughter is sooo unlucky to get a mother like you.
    You may swear at me....I dont care!
     
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  9. cutemonster

    cutemonster Platinum IL'ite

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    That's much better stuti!
    You know we can never please everyone in the society, be it our family or friends.
    One thing more, I think since you have now planned to bring a baby in this world and you are trying to accept the fact that its a girl so please make yourself much stronger person.as a mother of girls you will face many challenges and people will say lots of things , so Although now you could cry and feel sad that you are having two girls but later you have to be their pillar of support.
    Be a person whom your daughters can look up to!
     
  10. stuti

    stuti Junior IL'ite

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    Rose8282,
    If only you would care to read my inbetween gradual flow of posts, you would realize that I am already changing by the support extended by some lovely ladies here. I am already feeling better and working on changing my attitude. I am here as I know something is wrong with my attitude and I am not ashamed to admitting it and seeking help and I am getting help and wondersul advise here. I wrote my first initial post with a lot of frustation , anger and bluriness they day I got to know the gender. But things started clearing out a day after.
    But without going throgh all the posts inbetween, you are too quick to jump to conclusion and thats an amazing way you help others.
    Think before you curse others who are already in a guilt of feeling the way they felt. Maybe your family is more unlucky than mine to have such a judgemental person as you among them.
    Maybe you should try getting some help too.
     
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