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Ways to irritate In Laws who are irritating u.....

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by rams22, Apr 24, 2013.

  1. devipriya

    devipriya Senior IL'ite

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  2. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    hey greenbow,

    Ho come your husband is on ur side? what did u do ? My husband even knoing truth about them have lots of love for his kanjoos sister, Mother and Father...he thinks its his duty to give them everything and its ok if they get all of us cheap gift or nothg...I mean he will do anything for them ignoring their faults....i dnt know how to change this and it pisses me to the greates..
     
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  3. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    U told ur dh this plan and he teamed up with u?

    Omg! Please tell me what you feed him? Please please?
     
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  4. JASIKA

    JASIKA Bronze IL'ite

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    Oh God! I feel you all must be my mil friends...all these years she tried above ways to irritate me :-(

    example:

    1) when i arrived India from US (within 6 months of our marriage), i reached 6am in the morning, and then helped her in cooking in afternoon because she had invited 30 people for dinner that night for no apparent reason and i had no idea about this...then when everyone arrived in evening....I am not joking ...she made me make tea for 5 times until they left... obviously setting up dinner and then cleaning up after them....And relatives were saying "Beta aapko toh jet lag hoga" go and rest...i was like "Its okay aunty"...and my mother in law is standing in corner with her EVIL SMILE...:rant

    2)Then one time when i was visiting my husband in India (during 1st yr of our marriage because he was waiting for his visa to come to US), my mil got sick (cold and fever as per her), i made sure she didnt do anything that 3-4 days..i used to cook different healthy food for us, 3 times a day Tea with snacks served on her bed and again took care of dinner for 5 people she had invited during that time. However, when i got sick later that month (bad cold, fever, puking, cough, stomach upset)...she says to me, make soup for yourself, it will be good ...or she will say half boil egg for yourself it will be good but not once made anything for me and everytime i am about to take medicine, she will interupt me saying ..i dont believe in medicine ...not good for your health :bonk
    My poor husband used to warm milk for me along with chyavanprash and then she would taunt my husband..Beta tu toh pehle kabhi kaam nahin karta tha :evil:

    3) whenever i visit India, she will not cook anything for me..she will make sure that i cook for myself and them upon reaching India....But my husband told me that whenever my husband or SIL comes from abroad, she will cook feast for him and her...EVIL!!!

    4) If i am sitting in my bedroom watching TV, she will come to our room and put all curtains on side and when she leaves i will put curtain down again because even my husband didnt like it plus TV screen wouldnt be clear because of sun glare....If she notices it later she will again do same thing..so after 10 days i once complained to her in a nice way "Mom, please dont put curtains on side, even dh doesnt like it that way"..She got so upset and went out of room blabbering...."

    THERE IS SO MUCH MORE I CAN LIST BUT I HAVE TO RUN OUT :-( short of time
     
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  5. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    MIL was being super bitchy about my cooking the first week she visited us. Also, she used to insist she eat with FIL and DH; I was to serve them and eat later. Then, snide comments about how terrible I am for making DH wait for me to eat and all that. The very first weekend, my BIL visited too. And here's what I did. Told DH, "Hey, make that awesome dish you prepare for your parents." Then, told BIL, "That cauliflower you make? I think your dad will love it. Why don't you guys do the cooking for a change?"

    MIL kept prowling the kitchen saying "My sons never lifted even a little finger at home" And I said, "Come on! See how well I've trained them now on life skills. Just you wait until you eat their dishes. They are sooo yummy" (Actually, not all that yummy, but I had to annoy her)

    She could barely eat her food that day. How I enjoyed the whole drama!
     
  6. greenbow

    greenbow Gold IL'ite

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    Strong relationship with DH = less/no crap from ILs

    My motto is - confuse the enemy. I never let them know my true feelings/thoughts. I am not vengeful, but I am very defensive if someone is trying to attack. My defense mechanism is 'escape' (till they cross the limits). Usually escaping works well, so till now I never had to actually fight back.

    I never utter anything negative or talk loud or be rude to ILs. I simply escape from such situations. For ex, we dont invite ILs to visit us for months in US (they keep asking directly that they want to come, but we give excuses), I dont talk to MIL on the phone. I dont engage SIL in any emails or online chats, cos she has the talent of twisting things. So I simple escape and maintain very minimum contact with them. Even during that minimum contact, I am very sweet and dont show my anger or irritation.

    If they manage to talk nasty to me, I ignore like nobody-ever-ignored-anything. If I am still upset, I put on good movies and block the negativity out of my mind. That drives them nuts, because they are not successful in bothering me and thus straining my relationship with DH.

    I DONT try to be a good DIL. I accept wholeheartedly that I am a bad DIL and I love it. When I have no guilt about that, they can not make me feel guilty.

    I dont let my parents talk to ILs. Absolutely no contact between two families. Hence ILs have no access to my weakness, my family. (My DH mingles with my family/relatives very well).

    If they throw dirt at me, I move away or if the dirt hits me, I wipe off and go on my business like it doesnt hit my self-respect. That will make them go crazy.

    I simple refuse to give them any importance by thinking what they said or discussing what they said with DH. DH and I have a rule that 'no unpleasant talks inside our home'. If I am bothered by ILs or anything else, we do not discuss at home (because the closed rooms adds tension and gives us the urge to yell). Instead we go on a drive and clear our minds. It really helps build relationship with DH and to counter ILs.

    The result is, with a strong relationship with DH, he is very protective and does not give ILs access to me. Since ILs don't have access to me, the only target they see is DH. So they show their evilness to him and since he is the one facing the crap, he totally understands their true colors, hence he teams up with me.

    So the key is-
    1. Confuse the enemy - dont let them know your plans, cos if they know, they will have counter plans.

    2. Ignore their crap - to the point where they should wonder, "Does she not have self-respect? why isnt she fighting back?" ..... their plan is to make you fight, so simple refuse to fight.. this does not mean you are loosing self-respect, it simply means you are not yeilding to their evil plans.

    3. Escape - dont put yourself in the target range for ILs, make sure they see your husband as the only target, so that husband will face the crap and start teaming with you.

    4. Never have arguements with husband at home - go for a walk/drive and talk things out. When you are outdoors, the urge to yell at each other is low, so things will be discussed calmly.

    5. Everytime you and husband fight, put 5$ in a jar - Every 3 months, empty the jar and buy a gift for your MIL/SIL with that fight-money. The more money you put in the jar, the more money you spend on gifts to people you hate, hence the urge to minimize the fights with husband.
     
  7. greenbow

    greenbow Gold IL'ite

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    Actually it was DH's plan. DH called his aunt and she was asking him when will you come to India, will you atleast come to your sister's wedding (this aunt's daughter - cousin sister)..etc

    DH who is used to crooked conversations with MIL, was touched by the genuinely nice conversation with his aunt, that he decided that even though its cousin sister, lets go to India for the wedding, have fun and give a nice grand gift, that will make them (ILs) go crazy. I happily agreed.
     
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  8. Decentguy

    Decentguy New IL'ite

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    All husbands are not same Tulipzz Jee

    That is a misconception females have especially on IL...:rant
     
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  9. greenbow

    greenbow Gold IL'ite

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    Some more -

    1. If MIL calls on a Saturday and says something to upset us, and say we spend 2 hours getting back into our normal mood, then DH and I make sure we go out on Sunday and enjoy 4 hours (movie/date/dinner/beach) to compensate for the 2 hours wasted by MIL.

    2. Say for an occasion, we decided to spend $100 on a gift to MIL/SIL, and meanwhile if MIL/SIL annoy us, we cut down the gift amount to $50.

    3. If MIL asks DH about his job/visa or our plans regarding kids or anything related to us, he does not give them any info because they dont act like our well wishers, so better not to feed information. This lack of information irritates them.

    4. If MIL talks on the phone in a nasty way (SIL is the behind-the-scenes mastermind here), then DH does not call them for a few weeks, cos they have to realize what they said is not acceptable. No yelling/fighting back, simply time-out for bad behavior.

    5. MIL tries to blackmail DH that they will talk bad about us amongst relatives if we dont bend down to their demands. But we dont budge, our relatives know we are good, so why bother. This bugs them.

    Since I havent been to India in a while, I couldn't do these things, but will do at the first chance I get -

    - Wearing nice sarees with my hair loose with just a hair-clip on
    - Flaunting my jewelry on MIL/SILs greedy faces
    - Mingling with their relatives and having fun
    - Buying gifts to all of DH's relatives/cousins
    - Explicitly telling them what expensive gifts I bought for my sister/parents
    - Being myself, being happy, enjoying with DH
    - DH and me visiting my parents/my relatives/DH's relatives homes for lunches/dinners/gettogethers
    - My dad will give his car and appoint a driver for DH and me for as long as we are in India, so going shopping in my dad's car and not showing them what we bought will be fun

    Oh it will be so much fun, cant wait to go to India :)
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2013
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  10. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    Touchwood GreenBow... May you be Blessed with this Happiness Always... :)
     

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