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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by RecentlyEngaged, Apr 10, 2013.

  1. Apr 10, 2013 #1
    RecentlyEngaged

    RecentlyEngaged New IL'ite

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    Hi.. i am following this forum for some time now and now i have a situation which i want to share and get your opinions. Please suggest.

    I got engaged 3 months back and my marriage is in May. He completed his masters and doing his job there. This is an arranged marriage. After the engagement he left to USA and from then on wards he calls me once in two days. I like him (he is very caring and lovable) and he also likes me.

    A little bit about my background: I have 2 elder sisters, and one elder brother. I am very very close with my brothers family(married and have a son), father, and with one sisters family(married and has a daughter). When my second sister got married(2 years back) and left us(to a place which is just 600 km away) all of us are very sad(i know it is very normal). But i never saw my father like that before. He was crying for 2 full days and those memories are very strong in my head.

    Now, i am getting married in less than 2 months and after that i will be leaving to USA. Rather then getting excited and happy about the marriage the whole day i am sad and tensed that i will be leaving all my family and going to a very far place. Initially when my parents said, we got a match from USA, i was on cloud 9. But as days are passing, and marriage is getting near, that feeling is going of and a unknown feeling of tension is rising inside me. What will happen to my father after i leave ? And many other things..I know i should be excited but i am not.

    Is this normal ? How did u feel before marriage ? Excited ? tensed ? happy ? sad ? all of them ? Please advice. Thanks.
     
    RecentlyEngaged, Apr 10, 2013
    RecentlyEngaged, Apr 10, 2013
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  2. Apr 10, 2013 #2
    GodIsOne

    GodIsOne Gold IL'ite

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    It is Normal...It will continue even after reaching US. It took a good whole year for me to get a little comfortable in US. But leave all that aside and think about the wedding and the shopping...come on girl....you can shop until you drop...It is the best thing about wedding..ain't it?
     
    GodIsOne, Apr 10, 2013
    GodIsOne, Apr 10, 2013
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  3. Apr 10, 2013 #3
    tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    You need to have a long chat with your father. Explain to him that being married doesn't mean breaking existing relationships. Tell him it's a big step in your life and you too have many fears. You are looking up to him for strength and that he should be strong and supportive for you. Tell him you will call him daily (I'm married for 5 yrs and I still call my dad daily) and Skype often...

    Don't worry everything will be okay. Good luck!
     
    tulipzz, Apr 10, 2013
    tulipzz, Apr 10, 2013
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  4. Apr 10, 2013 #4
    iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    Hey dont worry..By now your dad must have got used to the fact that daughters will leave them at one point..He will surely not react in the way that he did during your sister's time..Anyway i still understand your concerns since you are moving to the US..Nevertheless,enjoy this time..
     
    iamsrihere, Apr 10, 2013
    iamsrihere, Apr 10, 2013
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  5. Apr 10, 2013 #5
    Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Its very normal. You do have mixed feelings; sad that you will be leaving everything behind and happy that you have something new to look forward to.
    Try not to be sad, these days you can communicate very easily with your parents on skype etc. Yes, geographical distance would prevent your frequent trips back home but thats something you have to be prepared for now.
     
    Rakhii, Apr 10, 2013
    Rakhii, Apr 10, 2013
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  6. Apr 10, 2013 #6
    kamdev1

    kamdev1 Silver IL'ite

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    Indian daughters will leave them their father after marriage. I am sure you father is mentally prepared.
    But still he needs to hear from you that you will always be in touch.
    Fathers also feel the need to be told, that they are loved and will be missed.
    Spend good time
     
    kamdev1, Apr 10, 2013
    kamdev1, Apr 10, 2013
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  7. Apr 10, 2013 #7
    RecentlyEngaged

    RecentlyEngaged New IL'ite

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    Thanks for the reply. You got it wrong. My dad is very normal and supportive with me now. He is not showing even slight signs of sadness. Even in my sisters case he is very happy until she left. It is only after she left he broke down and till this day my sister don't know that. So, i know that will happen even with me. So, I am kid of sad.
     
    RecentlyEngaged, Apr 10, 2013
    RecentlyEngaged, Apr 10, 2013
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  8. Apr 10, 2013 #8
    RecentlyEngaged

    RecentlyEngaged New IL'ite

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    Thanks all for your wonderful replies. Makes me feel better. Thanks.
     
    RecentlyEngaged, Apr 10, 2013
    RecentlyEngaged, Apr 10, 2013
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  9. Apr 10, 2013 #9
    londongirl

    londongirl Senior IL'ite

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    Though it varies from individual to individual ..i would suggest you to transform yourself to reality and make your dad also understand that it is a part and parcel of life. But your dad would definitely making up his mind as he has already faced the situation before. Please enjoy the present to the best..Gud Luck
     
    londongirl, Apr 10, 2013
    londongirl, Apr 10, 2013
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  10. Apr 11, 2013 #10
    GiJoe

    GiJoe Silver IL'ite

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    Congratulations, Get Skype and a unlimited calling plan to India you will be fine after a few days.
     
    GiJoe, Apr 11, 2013
    GiJoe, Apr 11, 2013
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