MIL cunning or am I overreacting?

Vij99 · Apr 5, 2013

Hi,

Here's what happened today, let me know your thoughts, if you think I am thinking too much or my MIL is being mean.

My son loves paneer and I somehow can't make it that well. My MIL knows how to make it, she wanted to make it and asked to buy paneer, I told her that the little one loves it too, so has a blast when we go out, I somehow am unable to make tasty paneer. I bought the packet a couple of days later, she asked me if there is MSG at home, I said its there but I don't use it as I feel its not good for my 2.5yr old. She said I add just a pinch, I said I still don't use it as here its banned and I went out with DH to avoid further conversation.
By the time I came in, she prepared the dish, I asked her if she added, she said yes and started telling me, Chinese use it all their dishes then every Chinese shud have some problem, I use only in this dish etc and its only a pinch. I said if its banned in US, there is a reason for it and that I don't mind eating it or serving it to DH but not for my son and left the place, I made noodles and served my son.

She knows he doesn't eat spicy stuff, couldn't she keep aside some curry for him alone without spice and MSG? She never does that and when my DH is around she acts as if she is serving my kid food, the one I mix or acting as if he cares for him, all she serves if I don't make food for him is cake and milk and chocolates,sweets anything ready made.

I am angry at her cunning behavior and my DH for being fooled by her.
Am I over-reacting? How do I cope?

SPatel2008 · Apr 5, 2013

Hey Vijj,

well it's hard to tell if you MIL is being cunning and being a mother living in a joint family i understand your concern.

what exactly do you mean by MSG?

anyways, from my experience - i think after certain age - women think they know better and it's hard to change their way of doing things. if it is just this one instance... then may be your MIL just want to prepare the dish with her own way... and i know sometimes women have this belief that if i add this in the dish.. .it will taste better or they just simply not like the dish without it OR it could be that she knows your DH like the dish with MSG so she wanted to just make the dish as normal and get praises for delicious dish.

but with regards to cake and sweet dishes... i too had few moments with my MIL coz in our house everyone loves sweet stuff and luckily i used to say to my MIL that in UK docs dont recommend and so its been moderate but i knew when i was at work... my son had cakes and sweet stuff often. He is due for tonsils op at age of 4.. not sure if that's coz of all sweet stuff but i make sure now they dont give him any such thing coz i have a feeling it does harm my little son.

my advise will be make a note of this instances and try to talk clearly with your MIL. If she is the one who looks after your son when you are not there or at work then you got to work things out with her -your son is her grandson too so am sure she cares about him aswell.

GiJoe · Apr 6, 2013

SPatel2008 said: ↑

what exactly do you mean by MSG?
Click to expand...

MSG - Monosodium glutamate - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Vij99 · Apr 6, 2013

Thank you for the reply dear.

MSG other name is Chinese salt, ajinomoto.
They say its not good to add it in foods, which ppl add to enhance flavor.

rohinipriya21 · Apr 6, 2013

yes, i faced this kind of situation like adding too much spice though she knows my 2yr old son cannot eat spice.but cant help, so I prepare the dish tactfully and insist for no pepper for my son.add how many tons u want for ur son and ur tongue.

rohinipriya21 · Apr 6, 2013

dono how bad is msg but once in a while its ok.

n2n · Apr 6, 2013

MSG is definitely not good for health. Your MIL could have avoided that or kept a portion aside for the kid before adding it.

But consuming a very very small amount once in a while does not create any problem I think. As she said most of the restaurants in India also add MSG when making chinese dishes. Even lays available in India and Middle east (don't know abt US) contain MSG. My kids love it. I know its not good for them but once in a while I give them a small quantity.

outofthebox · Apr 6, 2013

Dear OP,

Its not really easy to say if she is cunning or not, but looks like she is not going to change.

If I were to face such a situation, and if situation is such that only MIL has to prepare food, I probably would do the following:

1) The next time she adds something which is not good for my kid, I would try telling her at the time of eating, (assuming that everyone sits together for eating) that my kid is allergic or does not eat so and so stuff, and will also add my concern that these stuffs are banned. If she continues to add such items very often, then I think it is a serious matter. Why I am telling is to make sure that your husband is also aware that certain things do affect your kid. He cannot be kept away from things all the time.

2) Tell to her clearly & straight that please keep some sabji or whatever separately before you add those extra ingredients.

3) In case of paneer recipes, you can get so many videos on the net...Try to go through more elaborate videos, start learning and make it by yourself whenever you get time in weekends (in case you are working and can't find much time in weekdays) ! Its really not rocket science, trust me ! A person like me who didn't know even how to differentiate dals has managed to learn many recipes...so its really possible with a little bit of interest. Though this suggestion is not really a solution by itself, this is one of the things you can do to manage paneer menu situation !

Even after trying to be as much straight as possible, if things dont change, then I think its confrontation time, and your husband also has to pitch in, if at all you feel its affecting your kid's health, which is of course serious. If its not really serious, then don't give too much importance to the way she behaves, and be straight with what you prefer for your kid.

Hope it helps !

Vij99 · Apr 7, 2013

Thank you ladies.

In spite of letting her to know to keep aside food, she doesn't, I end up cooking every day for my son separately after coming back from work

RPVAIL · Apr 7, 2013

What I am seeing here is ego in the play and nothing more.

MSG (ajinamoto) was in use for a long time and I am sure it is still in use mainly in chinese cusine. In recent times (several years ago actually) it was found to be not good for health or actually harmful. So who ever is aware of this tries to avoid it.

In my home when cooking some chinese dishes we do not use it even though it listed as one of the ingrediants. So you have good reason to avoid that and your MIL should respect that particularly when the food is meant for a child.

I would not think fighting over this would yield any good results. But when you do mention the do s and don't s with regard to food, say so in even tone in the presense of your husband.

It doesn't make sense to have to cook two time to feed 4 people. While preferences are common (like someone not eating salt at all) it is very easy to accomodate them as long as you are willing!