Minor problems with MIL

Dear ,
Iam a cleanliness freak and so I can understand your feeling..But if some one else is sharing my duty I would leave it to their wish and just stay away..here you can start cooking and clean the place daily.she can just take care of the baby...Iam sure then your kitchen will be spic n span.But again that will be a problem for you only as you said you are already held up with phd work n all.So what she is doing is a favour and you are at the receiving end..So cant do anything than ignore and understand it.her bedroom is her area alteast for the time being..and so you dont have to worry much....anyways she will leave after some days..moreover you are enjoying lots of benefits from her..If you still find issue why cant you think of bringing your mother than MIL...your mother will definitely know how to deal you..but you cant expect that from MIL...

On your MIL being social..I think thats a very common wish that anyone will have..after all we are all social beings..Its only a problem when some one says I dont want to mingle with others..So facilitate her to make friends with others like some one suggested which will inturn help you..you can just relax and enjoy that time..

 

OP, its all not bitchy responses. Everyone is trying to make you see things in a different perspective. Thats all.

Some suggestions:
1. During weekend, you cook and clean the kitchen according to your taste. Tell your MIL that she needs rest. That way both are happy. I am cleanliness freak too. But believe me, with kids, being clean all the time will take a backseat eventually.
2. 15 month old still waking at night-I am sure your dr would have advised that by this time, he/she should sleep thru the night. Try out some common ways to make your child sleep thru the night. Thats the biggest relief, not only for you, for your child too. Trust me. You will wake up happier in the morning, and so do your child.
3. Try to meet your DH for lunch and tell him very casually maybe we will keep these lunch dates to ourselves and don't talk abt it to your MIL. Kind of secret rendevous, will be thrill for ur DH too rite?
4. You mite not like to socialize now due to ur PhD. But as your child grows, you need friends, your child needs playdates. Its a part of life you cannot neglect. Start socializing. Look around, there could be Indian families and elders with whom ur MIL can interact.
5. I understand you are under a lot of stress. Try to relax. Listening to fav songs. Yoga, if you can. Pray if you are spiritual. Going for a stroll in a park with your child. With the weather getting better, try to spend time outdoors. Going for a movie with your DH. Shopping!

 

rkmichigan,
Seriously, let her go back to her home, and you try to manage on your own. See how that goes. And then you can decide between the lesser of the two difficulties. Either have her and adjust with that 'difficulty' or let her go back if that is less difficult of the two.

 

Lot of people would die to have a MIL like yours. At least you can concentrate on your Phd and not be worried if the nanny who is watching your child is really being nice to your kid, or worried about when the day care is going to call you to pick up your kid as the kid is throwing up and has a 101 temp. Believe that is more stressful with child being sick and all.
So for now let go of the cleanliness part, then go to your room if you are tired and don't feel like talking. Occupy her when you have energy, but her state is really bad also. I would not like to do all that for my grand kid and then have no one appreciate me.

 

Please send your MIL back home and you and your husband take care of your kid. After all the kid is your responsibility, not your MIL's. Adults do need conversation with adults, not with kids. If you cannot give that adult company ask your husband to do it. Again after all it is his mom and his child. You look for company for your MIL among your friends or other Indians. Hire cleaners to clean your house. Allow her to cook, may be it helps her to relax. It is difficult to look after a toddler for the whole day.

Best option is put your kid in day care/ hire a nanny and please send your MIL home. Instead of being grateful for her help I feel you are resenting her.

 

Absolutely. And, I think people who are blessed with such an excellent MIL do not realize it sometimes, and start noticing and complaining about smaller issues.
Maybe they can read this thread to get an idea:
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/relationship-with-in-laws/209626-it-happens-only-lawss-house.html

 

Think about it like this..

You are by nature a quiet person and prefer peace and quiet moments after spending whole day , maybe in company of people.
Your MIL is a chatty person, spending whole day quietly / having one sided conversation with a toddler.

You need a find a balance here. Talk to her for a little while. And then her that you want to rest. For quiet time go to your bedroom. Its a small apt - what do you expect her to do - go to her room when you get back? She probably wants some adult time as well with her son and DIL. As it is she being a social person, is cooped up in the small apt with no one to talk to. I doubt you all go out in the evenings since being really cold right now.

Yes she may ask silly questions because they are not exposed to lot of worldly facts.. my frens Mom asked her bro to visit her daughter in US - he was going to Italy. According to her anything west is close by to each other. She is a nurse in India.

Be patient with her.