dont want to cry and heart is becoming heavy because of it..

Stay in America. They are threatening your son in some form (my assumption).

 

Dear Leesa,

Hugs to you and your little one.

As I understand it your Inlaws are still with you visiting and spending time with your son .

They have used this time to influence him and tell him a lot of rot.. they have probably put it in him head that he would loose his parents and/or his other set of grandparents if he takes their name or love them. they have threatened him some sort of bad things that would happen to you if he did something.. they have played with his little mind and twisted things around.

As his parent you have to build your relation with him and get him to trust you and himself. Only you can do that.

Girl I am so angry with you for letting this happen, eventhough you had a bad experience with them when you were in India.

FIRST THINGS FIRST - "SEND YOUR INLAWS BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM" If its not possible due to some reason, take your son away from them - they are bad for him. He needs to be away from them and he needs you to reassure him.

You also need to take control of your life. The first thing to do is to take control of your kitchen. this is your home not theirs ... cook what you would like to eat, what your child will like, and make enough for everybody. If they do not like they are welcome to cook for themselves. Treat them like guest. If she screams makes a scene just watch quietly without any emotion or reaction or is continue to do what ever it is that you were doing before this meltdown started. Dont pay any attention to it. It will stop.

If your FIL Threatens to drink pestiside, poison... etc calmly tell him that you are going to call 911/ police and inform them as suicide is a crime and the police will take him to jail and will also cancel his visa and send him home. And this will mean that they will blacklist him and will never ever allow him back into USA. Just say this and pick up the phone. Then see that fun.

Never ever leave your child alone with them. no matter what they say or what they taunt.

Spend every moment of your time that you can with him. Involve him in your chores, when he cries or whine - let him for a minute.. then very lovingly tell him that you cannot understand what he wants or what he is saying as the tears are mixing up the sounds... so can he calmly tell you what the problem is so that you can help him fix it. This will take time but will reinforce yours childs faith in you... which is most important

With all this day to day dealings with Inlaws we forget to focus on what is important.. our child and husband. So cut down your interaction with inlaws, stop reacting to everything that they say or do... focus on your child.

I wish you happiness and love
Mani

ps check out the thread here " it happend only in Inlaws house.." for a few laughs and lots of tips to deal with Idiots like yours.

PPS : Dont CONFRONT Doesn't Work will tell you from experience . Instead find a solution.

 

Don't go back to India dear for ur life will be worse. Better take control of ur life and home. U need to take care of urself and ur LO so don't fall in the trap of ur in-laws.

 

Leesa, I feel so sad that someone can manipulate a small child.

You said that you cannot complete cut relation with them. I suppose you are in US and inlaws in India. Try to accompany your son when skype with them. If ur DH not present, simply disconnect in 5 min and later blame it on modem/internet connection,etc. Plan some outing/playdate/potluck around the time they want to skype. You just have to make it look like its all happening naturally. In the meantime, try to get your son spend more time with your parents, thru skype,phone,etc. Basically to bond with them and for your son to get attached to them.

I guess all in-laws play this emotional game of falling sick, heart pain, as soon as their son tries to confront them or even ask something logical. You can never prove it as drama. My DH's parents always does it. Always same chest pain or stomach pain or head pain. I have lived with them for 6 months, never seen such healthy people, they didn't even catch cold. But in front of their son, they will always portray as if they are struggling with health. And DH always always believes it without any thought.

For you, good thing is ur DH believes you. Keep him informed about ur ILs behavior, but don't complain on his parents constantly. Try to spend more quality time with your son, son with ur parents.

 

leesa,

i really felt bad reading your post, what happ is happened, u cant change
but you can change the days coming
you have to be strong for your kid, i think he is really scared with something
thats y he is crying everytime you ask him
poor thing, must be feeling terrible
but dont worry, kids forget things very easily
talk to him every time, paly with him, make him forget the things he is scared about
you know a mother can do wonders is she sees her kid in trouble
so you can do it dear, the first thing you have to do is make him feel normal
help him in getting rid of is fears, if he is scared of talking abt ur parents, dont force him
give him time, cut of all contatcs of your in laws and ur DS
even if they are grandparents, if they can do something horrible like this to a small kid, they dont deserve to be treated as grand parents
concentrate on ur kid now, and leave everyhting behind, ur inalwas health, their words
nothing shoud bother you now, only your kids health
you are very kind and gud at heart and thats y u still fall for their traps
but remeber everytime what ur son is going through becauase of them

be strong and you can do it dear..prayers for you