1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

MIL makes tea and snack for everyone except me

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sunshine1970, Mar 28, 2013.

  1. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    482
    Likes Received:
    767
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks Guesshoo you are a real sweetheart. I thought I was the only one. Funny thing I live with them now and the other day when guests came warmed up my own coffee that I had bought after I served everyone tea (and of course no more left for me) My mil noticed and during the second round she said there is a half a cup left you want it I said yes and took it. Small win. I know Rihanna was saying that women have bigger problems than me and I totally agree ( I did not go into all the things this woman does or says to me) but I think this forum is for a place where we can vent our frustrations no matter how big or small they are in the eyes of others. When i signed up for this forum it did not say you can only post stories of extreme torture and abuse. I am just venting on something that bothered me. Thanks for understanding and loved your post.
     
    20 people like this.
  2. soshana

    soshana Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    20
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Op It does hurt when you are left out, when everyone else is included. You feel insulted, you have a right or wish to expect some courtesy if you treat your MIL the way you want to be treated. It looks like you do treat her well and you are a good host, she still may have this MIL attitude,. I really do not have a clear suggestion except not to expect and make a special tea yourself that tastes better and enjoy alone. People may want your tea. why do you go so often there when there is to even enough food for you. I am not going to say not to give her tea or food when she comes to our house because you should not stoop to her level, but you do not have to please her.
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2013
    5 people like this.
  3. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,499
    Likes Received:
    2,343
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    It's the MIL- ego. Many MILs believe they are superior in hierarchy then the dil and they are entitled to seva by the DIL.
    Once (when we were not living with ILs) I had fallen very ill, and my ILs offered to come and look after me. My husband and I declined because we know they coming to help would only mean more work for us. They made a big show of how much they cared about me. Later, when I was slightly better, we visited them. One morning my MIL was coming from kitchen carrying almonds in her hand (we all eat almonds in the morning as a routine), I spread my hand in front of her for the almond and she brushed me off. I was shocked. I looked at my DH and he looked equally shocked.:idontgetit:
     
    2 people like this.
  4. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,499
    Likes Received:
    2,343
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    My sils do the same.There is some left in the pot. Even before checking, I know I wouldn't find any and I am right. This happens every time.
     
  5. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,137
    Likes Received:
    1,307
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    WOW! you handled that well!
     
  6. MaritalBliss

    MaritalBliss Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,087
    Likes Received:
    1,323
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Mils will not serve or make tea for dils..that's the way it is. Pls accept this fact. My mil will not ask me to eat when I visit her during festive occasions..I think her idea is that we are family so no need to be formal. She asks all the rest to eat except me....At first, I felt bad and then got used to it. I cut down my visits and just visit her on festive occasions so I'm ok with how she treats me. When my husband is around she asks me to eat but when he is not, she doesn't..I just do not bother since I visit her only occAsionally..

    My mil has started to feel bad I guess, she packs food for me sometimes since I seldom visit.
     
    2 people like this.
  7. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,090
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, Am spared of tea/coffee nonsense.. .reason being... I rearely take it... my mother ensured I don't ever relish or hook on to these... she was greatly pained during her life... where she was left as a left over or either holding a 1/2 hrly tea stall for rest of the family members... she was v v sure... she's not repeating this crap with her kids.

    Reshubabu, I'd already confirmed in one of the previous posts the same treatment met on me for food & # of plates and the amount of food that shud be cooked and just sufficient for 3 of them.

    So yes it dies happen in quite a few crazy homes.
     
  8. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    482
    Likes Received:
    767
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    The funny thing i I actually ignore it and don't want the food or tea, so now she says oh i'm not going to ask you as you don't eat it anyways. I do not really care, she knows I try not to let it bother me anymore. My mother tells me God has given me two hands and I can make my own tea and food and that is what I do. It's so funny live with her now, am beginning to ignore. It is true they always want to be superior to dil. I have to let it not bother me, which I am there about 75% of the way.
     
  9. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    193
    Likes Received:
    80
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    I think you should be nice to her, but at the same time do not overdo your nice gesture. With my MIL, if I let her do all the craps, she feels more confident and does it next time with greater extent. So, what I have noticed is that sometimes you need to straighten these MIL's , so that they know that we are not fools and will not dance on their tunes. so my only worry for you if you ignore everything all the times, she will think that you are dancing to her tunes.
    So, sometimes giver her own crap back. Do not make tea for her.Do not serve her all the times...

    my MIL came to visit me after delivery ( i thought she is here to help atleast with cooking) ad expected me to serve them food all day....
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. beanstalk

    beanstalk Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    566
    Likes Received:
    879
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Now you seem to be too goody too shoes who does not want to spoil her image otherwise you could have fixed this long back. If it was me, I would ask her sweetly after everybody was served, indeed in front of everybody. Mom can I go and make some for me now too ?? Embarrass her once and she would be careful to not do these things again. And dont be too good for yourself. There may say something about you saying all that in front of strangers. But this is the only way to fix these kind of things. She would be more scared of what people will think about her than what their own family member aka you think about her. ANd oncer she knwos you are capable of giving back, she would be careful to not give crap to you.
     
    2 people like this.

Share This Page