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Manipulative FIL.. please help !!!!!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by deepu999, Mar 18, 2013.

  1. deepu999

    deepu999 New IL'ite

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    I am a new member to Indus Ladies and i really need some advice regarding inlaws.
    Here is my story.
    Its been 4 years since we are married. I am working as a software engineer. Since 2 years we are in US.My worries started just before my marriage , when i came to to know all about my FIL
    He is a very irresponsible person.He was doing his own business, incurred lots of losses and failed to support family completely.And my husband and his sisters had a difficult childhood due to this.And making matters worse, FIL used to physically abuse MIL infront of evryone. Nowadays the abuse has stopped but FIL still controls MIL. He never feels ashamed of what he did or didnt do to his family.
    Even during my marriage my parents had to silently suffer all his tantrums.He is very manipulative and emotionally controls DH . DH is very naive and never opposes his father for anything.
    DH has been supporting his parents ever since he started earning. SILs are happily married now with kids and hardly care about parents.And they expect DH to take care of them (as usual)
    Inspite of FILs opposition, i encouraged DH to buy a house in Hyd(FIL wanted to build a grand house in his hometown).Since then FIL has been trying to prove me wrong in evrything and filling DHs ears with bad things about me :-(. Gradually i stopped talking to inlaws and hardly speak to them over phone only when DH forces me to do so.
    FIL still wants to build a grand house in his native . And has somehow convinced DH that its his responsibility. SILs are supporting it . He even bought a car recently just to roam around. I am really fed up with his reckless spending.
    Even SILs are not far behind. They are too intrusive in our private matters and wants to control their brother in all matters.
    Me and DH are often having fights regarding his family. Sadly DH thinks that i am egoistic and dont care about inlaws.
    Its ruining our happy moments and i feel like there is nothing left in our marriage :-(
    Please help!!!
     
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  2. dahlia

    dahlia Silver IL'ite

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    I'd say be firm with your husband and tell them its not acceptable for anyone to butt into your financial stuff. No one has any business to tell you how to spend YOUR money. We are smart enough to make our own choices and learn from our mistakes.

    You cannot try to change your FIL's ways or his attitude, its his life and if everyone around him is ok with it..let them. But when he does something that impacts you or your financial stability, you need to speak up and tell your husband that you will not tolerate such irresponsible behavior and that he needs to have a talk with his father. You have to think about your future and dont worry about anyone talking bad about you or your family. Its not gonna physically hurt you in anyway, so why bother with all that trash talk? Just be firm with your husband or else the more you give in, the more your ILs will try to take advantage of you.
     
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  3. GiJoe

    GiJoe Silver IL'ite

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    Since you earn start investing your earning in your name, be calm and reasonable with your DH. Do you have kids?
     
  4. moveon

    moveon New IL'ite

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    who is living in ur new home? encourage them to stay in that house sothat you can avoid building a new one at native town.

    let them know that u dont have enough money now as u have to pay mortgages
     
  5. kamdev1

    kamdev1 Silver IL'ite

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    if u keep on fighting with DH, he will never be yours. Win him by ur love n charms
    Else suffer n keep silence. fighting with DH will ruin ur relationship.
     

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