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Divorce is only solution please help..?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Tashsin, Mar 6, 2013.

  1. Tashsin

    Tashsin Gold IL'ite

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    Guy don't take me wrong... I am facing all the things listing and suffering...then I finally realize why this all is happening..if something happen always some thing is behind....I am not blaming my INLawz I am 101% sure about it.....
    Okay now you all tell me one thing..if I leave him..what.I am gonna do.....with whom I will spent my whole life....if DH is doing this type of behaviour....who can assure me that if I met with some one other in future he will not do this...and my son who is just 16 month old without any fault he is gonna suffer a lot...
    I know you all are not wrong..you are worried about me..by try to understand my view point....thanks luna.....
    At any cost I want to save my marriage....
    Give me tips with...so that I can make a change in my husband in his behaviour so that he can understand I am someone in his life....
    Hope you can understand this....
    My question "divorce is only solution please help." If I run away I really don't feel this will gonna a good idea or something but it can finish my marriage.....for me divorce it last thing which I want to do when I am hopeless in this relation....but now I am not hopeless....thanks a lot you all give me good suggestions and tips.
    IL is like a magic diary where we can write our problem and thousands of friends re here for help and advise
     
  2. Peace365

    Peace365 New IL'ite

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    Hi Tashsin,

    I am really sorry to hear what you are going through. I can somewhat relate to your situation but it sounds awful that your husband is physically abusing you. Just to give a background, I too have been through my toxic IL, they used to verbally abuse me and my parents too. I used to to get really upset to really angry. They played all kind of tactics to break our marriage - from wrongly accusing me of several things which I would not like to discuss. All and all it was very bad and it used to drive me crazy looking at how they used to disrespect my parents.
    My husband would not say a word against them, initially. It used to really piss me off, as my IL were torturing my parents, I did not care much about their verbal abuse towards me.
    But, luckily my husband did understood this, took him 2 years to see the truth. All I am saying is that you need to communicate and have a very transparent relationship with you husband it really helps. Being transparent and honest will help building a stronger relation. It takes time and effort but you need to make your husband understand what you feel for him and also your worries.
    About your husband beating you - that's really bad. You should not allow him to do it, you should stand against it. No women deserves this. You should let him know how much you love him and also tell him what he is doing is unacceptable. Try to reason out why does he do it - obviously when you guys are in a better mood, try to initiate a conversation as to where your relationship is heading, try to understand why does he get agitated. If you cant figure out among yourselves you should seek help of a marriage counselor.
    All kinds of insecurities in life come from our dependency on our husbands. I am sure once we can find something we love to do (job/studies/hobbies) we can be more happy and brave in life.
    Take care.
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    Tashin,
    as you want to stay in this relationship I suggest you make a list of triggers.....what made your hubby violent is it
    complaining about In laws ,his drinking..............so on.Avoid these as much as possible

    if he is hitting you ,get away from there.............hide & take your son with you

    when he is in good mood gently suggest that this physical abuse will make him end up in jail if some neighbours complain............i remember reading in newspaper a case where a child called police when his mom was being beaten so its for his good only if he stops..............

    my best wishes are with you................still better to have a plan B.....suppose you decide to leave him(which you should) what you plan to do,where you want to go,how to use your education.............start saving a little money just for yourself............start hinting to your parents & even his.........tell them9and him) if he continuse he may end up in jail(good riddance) & his work permit in Singapore cancelled..........
     
  4. angelvoice

    angelvoice Gold IL'ite

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    you say you are suffering and in pain many many times.. still you are staying there.... nobody is asking to get divorced even though your title itself is divorce is the only solution....
    you need to get a sensible third party involved in this...... you need to let other people, friends, or relatives, or a professional.. somebody involved in this.... dont think that you can manage this dangerous and explosive situation alone.... you need help tahsin... period..
    just like you came and asked for help here... ask for help from people who can help you physically also because this situation involves physical abuse and a little kid.... GET HELP from somewhere.... before it is too late... just stop saying excuses... all the ladies who have replied here are giving you the right advice and plain commonsense.. do not overlook it...
     
  5. Young@heart

    Young@heart Silver IL'ite

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    And keep your and your son's passport ready and safely with you, just in case you need to flee in danger/ emergency.

    I donot know why i am advising you as you refuse to move out of such a toxic/ abusive/ dangerous environment for you and your kid, still i wish you...All the best.
     
  6. Eraser

    Eraser Silver IL'ite

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    Now I strongly feel that before him, ASAP you need to talk to a qualified Psychiatrist. You seem to have some issues - imagination and blindly following something assuming that's path of dharma or no option left kind of. Please get some help to free your mind of unnecessary fears and live to reality.

    Once you are clear, get your husband treated.

    No other solution, your in-laws etc., are just a cover for both your problems.


     
  7. MaritalBliss

    MaritalBliss Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear tahsin, i agree with eraser...u may be suffering from battered wife syndrome, u think it's your fault when he beats u...oh only if u didn't provoke him or offend him..u think it's all yr fault when it isnt. Pls get some help..u say u are worried for your son should u leave..then why let him be in this environment where he witnesses his mum getting beaten...he may also think its ok to beat and become a wife beater too....it happens..it's a cycle. Look, u are educated and working...just be safe...confide in someone...get some help...the next time he tries to beat u, call the police.
     
  8. Tashsin

    Tashsin Gold IL'ite

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    I am totally agreed with you.....but the fact is my FIL use to beat MIL..I feel till now...as they always fight with each other 24*7 and elder Brother of DH he also use to beat his wife badly....as she told this to everyone....but they said this is part of marriage....maybe because of all this DH is behaving like this...beating to follow family tradition..they don't have any daughter from 4 generation....so don't understand outsider daughter...
     
  9. MaritalBliss

    MaritalBliss Platinum IL'ite

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    So u see, it's a cycle...pls be the one to put a stop to it. We are not asking u to divorce but yr DH must know that u will not tolerate this...to him its normal bcos he has seen his mum getting beaten. When he is in a good mood, talk to him that both of u need help from counsellors and he needs help on anger management. Tell him your son is getting psychologically affected by this...Every child deserves a happy childhood with fond memories. Do not deprive your son of that.

    Here there is the personal protection order (PPO) which is meted out to cases of domestic violence. This means if the spouse gets within certain distance or lays his hands, he can get jailed. I'm sure u won't take this action but just letting u know.
     
  10. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    So you are also following the same pattern/rules,after all MIL and SIL have survived the beatings!:drowning
    Did you see the same happening in your own family??
    If it agrees with you then carry on.
    Every person has a different tolerance level.
    Its strange that all the DILs of the house including you are so loving and docile.

    Do you want your son to follow the same pattern as he will be seeing his Mom being thrashed by Father??
    Maybe this thread is just a vent.:bang
     

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