Wisecracks

Wisecracks

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<!-- / icon and title --><!-- message -->Man is the only animal that can laugh. Laughter is a unique blessing that helps relieve stress and boredom. It is presumably for this reason that several politicians, speakers and writers have assiduously cultivated a sense of humor.

When newspapermen outside Buckingham palace asked Gandhiji whether he felt embarrassed meeting the King, clad in a loin cloth, Gandhiji smilingly replied “The King wore enough for both of us”

When one of his followers asked Socrates whether to marry or not, the Greek philosopher said “In either case, you will repent”

When asked to define Economics, the former US ambassador to India remarked “When your outgo exceeds your income, your upkeep will be your downfall”

The eminent jurist Nani Palkhivala, after a short visit to Patna, commented, half in jest and half in despair “Nothing moves in Bihar except river Ganges”

In a moment of heat and excitement, the British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli exclaimed in the House of Commons “Half the house consists of fools”. There was near pandemonium; the opposition was outraged and their leader demanded Disraeli withdraw his words. Whereupon Disraeli quietly got up to say “I am sorry, Mr. Speaker, half the house does not consist of fools”

The electioneering campaign in the US Presidential election had touched a new low, with the rival parties indulging in mud-slinging and exchanging of jibes. A well-meaning Republican Party man approached the Democratic Presidential nominee Woodrow Wilson to help uplift the standard of the debate. <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1:City><st1lace>Wilson</st1lace></st1:City> agreed and remarked “Ask the Republicans to stop telling lies about the democrats and we will also stop telling the truth about the republicans”.

Louis XIV spotting the noted French thinker Voltaire at a royal banquet asked rather sarcastically”Who is that great man in this royal assembly?” – to which Voltaire quickly retorted”I do not carry a great name, your majesty, but bring greatness to the name I have” That Voltaire had to subsequently pay a heavy price for his impertinence, is of course another story.

Adlai Stevenson was addressing a local gathering when he received a note from the audience with just one word ‘FOOL’ written on it. Stevenson was flabbergasted but quickly recovered to say “I have always received anonymous letters with the text but without any signature. This is the first instance I received one without any text but only the signature”.

A renowned American singer advised Oscar Wilde that if he sang for about two hours everyday, he will never have trouble in old age. To this Oscar Wilde said “If I do that, I may never be troubled by old age”

A lady diplomat was vociferously complaining about the seating arrangements at a United Nations function. The concerned official politely explained “Madam! The guests who matter to us generally do not mind the seating arrangements and the guests who mind the seating arrangements do not matter to us”.

Unable to withstand his taunts, a lady told G.B.Shaw “If you were my husband I will give you poison”. Shaw replied “If you were my wife, I might as well drink it”.

Witticisms and repartees abound in Toast Masters Club where it is customary to invite prominent speakers to deliver after-dinner speeches. Edwin Morley, one time president of the club introduced the speaker thus “I am not going to bore you tonight but will present you a man who will”. Yet another guest speaker at the Toast Masters Club commenced his speech saying “I am a poor after-dinner speaker although I am always after dinners”.

Benjamin Franklin invited his friends to a get-together at his residence and the invitation read ‘each man must come with wife preferably his own’

Let not my readers conclude that man’s capacity to react humorously to situations is of recent origin. As a matter of fact this art is age-old and our history books are replete with anecdotes. I will just share one with you.

A court jester once told his king that sometimes insults can be more hurtful than punishments. The king disagreed and asked the jester to prove his point. The next day at the banquet hall, the jester slapped the king on his posterior and ignoring the king’s discomfiture remarked “I am sorry, your majesty! I mistook you for the queen”.

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