headless stubborn Wife

hello mayanmaya,
i can accept that not only husbands create problems,there are women who creates lots of problems..what i can suggest you is wait till she delivers baby..because in this time u cannot say anything bad to her because there is a chance that emotions will affect the baby.So,if she needs her mother to come,let her come and wait till her pregnancy..After that, talk directly to her mother in separate place,and warn her who commented badly..But,i suggest,after delivery,u both please go for some counseling centers that may help u solve problems..Do not allow third persons(including ur mother,sister,her mother,her sister etc...) to interfere in ur personal problems with ur wife. This may aggravate the problems..iam giving suggestions believing that what u have said in the forum is true..There is nothing wrong to be rough,when people around, really are the problem creators..because that is the only way they can be handled..
Thanks

 

I've read some of replies here and I completely agree with Ria and some of other posts. Your wife is so used to being spoiled by her parents, her immaturity will not stop until you take serious steps, and I am not talking about divorce, such as do not beg her all the time. She's a full adult and should be able to tell when she's hungry or not, there's no need for you begging her to drink, eat. She has been taking you for a drive for a while and it's up to you to put a stop to it.


There are billions of women pregnant and dealing with all of the difficulties, hormonal changes but not all of them acting this way. Tell her she's not a kid anymore and you are not her father. She's your companion, your wife, she needs to understand your sorrow and pain going through all of this. I was pregnant and I breastfed my daughter until she was two with absolutely no help from anybody. My husband has to work all the time to support us, he doesn't come home until 8 pm everyday, I always try to make a simple dish for him. This is call understanding your partner and having compassion.

Your wife is a perfect example of some of the women I've seen more and more nowadays very selfish and immature. What happen to our mothers generation they were pregnant yet manage to give us hot meals and keep the house sparkling all the time. Were they superwomen??? I am so tired of whining women.
I have friends who stomp their feet, talking in baby voice to their husbands as if they were kids when their husband say no to something. ughghhghghrrr so annoying....My 2cents

 

Re: Stubborn Complex Wife

Hi manyamanya,

I am sorry to read your post. I think your wife is pissed off that you are not allowing her mom to come for her delivery and instead you are forcing her to stay with your mom. She is resenting this and I think that is what is causing her to behave the way she is behaving. I was very pissed off with my husband when he did not want my mom to come to take care of me a few months after my delivery. It caused a lot of issues between us.

During delivery time women do like to be close to their mom's. So my best suggestion is to send her to India to her mother's house for delivery. What is preventing you from doing this ? I know she is a bit late in pregnancy. You are trying to force your wife to be with your mom during a crucial time in her life and this is causing a lot of resentment. Your mom might be the best for you but your wife might not feel comfortable with her during her delivery time. I think sending her to India will save everybody from a lot of headache. I hope this helps.

Thanks,
Kavya.

 

Hello Manyamanya,

I am sorry that you are feeling bad about the things in your life, but i think it will do you good to try and put yourself in your wife's shoes.
If you have not done this until now, I dont know if you will ever do it, but it needs to be suggested.

Its too bad that no one told you the amount of depression a woman goes through when she first comes to the US without a job, friends, children, parents etc. It could have helped you build a happy family.

In your first post, you say that you wanted to complain to her father and you yelled at her. Those are horrible miserable things to do to any woman, especially a working woman that has left her parents and job and has just come to the US where she has no friends nearby and nothing to do all day long. Thats the first sign that showed me that your wife is basically unhappy with the life you are giving her.

Please understand that there is no such thing as "dreamwife". Do you think you are a "dreamhusband"? You have to love someone for what they are. If you are going to hate someone for what they arent, you are inviting troubles. No one is perfect.

I dont care what your reaosn is, you should NEVER NEVER EVER stop calling your wife from work, stop discussing finances and any other family matters. If you consider her part of your family, she should be involved in all decisions. This is another reason why she probably got very unhappy.

Even if your SIL asked you to be nice to her, you should not have brushed her off. What if your mom or grandma asked to your wife to do something and she tells them to mind their own business? How will you feel? I feel the reason why she did not want to eat anything was because she wants to hurt herself because of the unhappiness that she has been feeling. But you dont really seem to know or care.

Falling at feet and threatening to burn yourself are not true signs of love. They are blackmail. That will not evoke positive emotions from anyone. No one likes blackmailers. So you dont care if she starves, you only care about the baby. Please, I understand that its important to care for the baby, but couldnt you have atleast pretended to care for her too. Another chance to give her happiness that you missed.

You are not an educated, intelligent person yourself if you do not understand the effects of hormones, morning sickness and body changes during pregnancy. I am sure your wife wanted an intelligent person, She doesnt seem to have gotten one if you couldnt forsee behaviour changes during pregnancy.

One more thing about drinking water before ultrasound. Thats is so MORONIC. Thats an ancient 1980s untrasound machine for which you need water. The machines used now dont need you to drink water. Your wife told you what the doctor asked and you just dismissed her because you seem to think you are smarter than her because you read the "internet". Another reaosn why your wife is unhappy.

You scolded your wife because she didnt get ready in time? WOW. Thats a good enough reason for you to scold a pregnant woman? What other things do you scold her for? Remember, everytime you scold her she is only getting unhappier.

You told a pregnant woman you wanted to get a divorce? You can never take back those words. These are permanent marks of unhappiness that you have left on your wife.

The last straw was inviting your mom for delivery. That is very very very SELFISH of you. Any woman knows, during the final days of pregnancy and first days of baby she needs someone she can talk and communicate freely with. She can yell at her mom if she feels bad, can she yell at your mom? NO. Every pregnant woman knows that. Did you consult with any before inviting your mom? NO, You did it in a fit of anger. I cannot imagine how unhappy your wife could have been. I am sorry if you disagree, but I symapthize with her very much for having to deliver with MIL instead of mom.

I have not yet seen anything in your posts that builds her happiness. I have seen many things that cause her unhappiness.

One last piece of advice. POST PARTUM DEPRESSION is real. Please, for God's sake or atleast your baby's sake, read up on it before your wife gives birth. Women kill themselves during that time if they are unhappy enough. Please ask any of your American friends at work or any doctor.

 

Hi manyamanya,

I read your problem with your pregnant wife. First and foremost, right now since she is seven month pregnant, please take care of her. She needs emotional support a lot. During nine month pregnancy, a woman goes thru lot of emotional feelings ( positive - negative ) bear with her atleast till she delivers. Baby is the outmost imp aspect here.

Ignore her tantrums, walk out for that moment, then come back once she cools down ( the way we sometimes tackle men ).

Please do not take any hasty decisions.Once the baby is out, everything shall be fine ( no harm in thinking positive )

Rachna:2thumbsup:

 

Hi,

I apologize if I sound rude & curt BUT I think you seriously need some counselling( I mean it in a good way so that u will see a remarkable diff in life).........if u dont mind me saying this. First & foremost I have had 2 pregnancies...........I had dark circles becoz I cud not sleepwell.women are very very harmonal & very very very emotional.

You asking her for a divorce during her pregoo is a final nail in your relationship

sheesh..............she needs people whom she loves like her mom near her when she is so close to due date however nice & best your mom may be.

you are asking her to prepare resumes when she is 8 months pregnant.......I have nothing to say on this matter............

finally pls let her go to india atleast the final months of her pregnancy she can spend in peace........

god bless & hope you can find peace in life

Jaya

 

hi manya,

was your wives behaviour of being stubborn and arrogant same before pregnancy?then you can know the effect of hormones on her

you should have patience with her for one more month for the sake of health of the baby.after that you can think of counselling or talking with her father etc.

maybe she was not ready for marriage but her parents pushed her into this . after marriage do you talk with her about her interest and what her expectations are?

manju

 

Manya,

Sorry for being rude , but i find you to be immature and stubborn. your wife might have had all bad qualities, but when a woman is pregnant she would expect her mom to be around. Who had cared for her all through her life till marriage, she would have felt safe and secure only with her mom near her, but what you did by bringing your mom instead of her mom was totally wrong in my opinion, You should have atleast brought them both here together, that would have solved the problem, but you were adamant and that had turned her to act rude to your mother. I would say you had made her go against your mother and spoiled a beautiful relation ship which might have become better later . Has your mother never said anything against or harsh to your wife? If you expect your wife to accept your relatives and be good to them, why cant you be the same with them. Cant a wife expect atleast this much from her husband?

She has left everybody for you, her relatives, her job and everything..I dont know, when woman tend to sacrifice and adjust so much with inlaws just for their husband, why not men?

Atleast now on please show your unconditional love towards her, Patience can make wonders sometime. Dont make your wife's relation with your mom worse. This is one such wonderful relationship you must cherish for ever.

And when you say you always dreamt of Intelligent wife, think what she would have expected out of her husband, probably a caring and loving one.

Love her for what she is, she will surely change her mind set and love you and your parents some day. Dont make the situation worse and try to change yourself first instead of finding mistakes in her.

She might be wrong and lack qualities, but who is without flaws. We have just listened to only your woes, who knows what she has felt and got to say...

I guess its time for both of you to think about your baby and stop fighting on these silly things and feed your egoistic thoughts...This relationship (Husband -Wife) is such a beautiful one, dont loose it for your Ego.

Best of luck

 

hi manya,

I had been reading this post from the starting.And u r still in the same state of mind and ur wife too.Things r getting worsened but r not getting better.
why don't u send ur wife to india to her moms place for delivery.
Don't say anything , any mean words,etc.
Take a break.I know this can sound rude.but I promise u that things will change.people can curse me for this advice 'coz a wife wishes for her husband's presence at the time of delivery but here the situation is different.
U will see the change not only in her but also in urself.U'll get sometime to think about whats happening in ur lives.
As ur mom is here send ur wife to her mom as per her wish.
Still time is there for the delivery u can plan to see the baby and come back.
Let her realise that keeping up a healthy peaceful realtion with her husband is more important than anything else.

I had 3 full term pregnancies and also we see lot of people around but this sounds completely different.Hormones may have some impact but this is too much.

Take a break.Don't tell her u 'll come for delivery ,etc.
She is taking u for granted and knows ur weakness that u can't go against her will so she is making u dance on ur tips.
Let go of her it doesn't mean divorcing. Separating from u for a while will teach her what she is loosing.
for how many months her parents will keep her with them.Living with parents after getting married is a whole diffent issue in India.
Things will get better.
U don't have to follow this blindly.
But think about it.
Don't talk much.
U r not her dad to pamper her all the time.She is a grown up lady who is going to have a baby she should behave maturedly.And cannot blame it on the hormones.
What if she 'll slap u one day and will say it is because of the hormonal chnages.

Megh.