Need your views and advice

After a lot of argument i decided to vent out.I want to know what is wrong in my side.I been married for 3 years and having a 21 months old boy baby.We came to Geneva 3 months back.I dnt have a much friends here as my hubby is not that much socialite and he doesn’t want me to close with anyone. Clearly I am isolated with my kid and house hold works.
Yesterday as Friday I decided to prepare chappathi for dinner,as other days its difficult for me to clean the kitchen in the following morning while daily I am preparing lunch for my hubby to take away to office in the morning itself.
And I decided to sleep during my kids afternoon nap time as I felt very tired and sleepy(day before yesterday nite my kid cried between and I dint have a enough sleep. Usually I took bath and did other household cores during my kids nap time.(like cleaning the house, vessels etc).I decided to do everything after my hubbys return from office(he usually come around 6.30 to 7 o clock) I slept with my kid.
My hubby called me at 5 o clock and told he s going to a get to gether party as he couldn avoid it and he will return at 8 or 9 and will have dinner at home. Immediately I got tensed and shouted at him that why dint he inform me before itself as I would have took bath atleast.he told me to take bath now as still the kid is sleeping. I angrily replied him he s sleeping for past 2 hours and it’s the time for him to wake up what if he wake and crying for not seeing me around . how come I came out while I taking bath?
Then I told him ok ill do it after u coming and hung the phone.so within five minutes my son woke up and he dint allow me to leave from him as usual.i started playing with him and in between got ready the dough and dhall and egg curry. At 7.30 my hubby msged me just now we reached the host home and it will getting late it seems, sorry.
I got angry but accepted ok, atleast he will come by 9.30 lets manage. My son dint allow me to prepare chappathi and started nagging me to sit with himself. I am tired of managing him alone the whole day and got very angry about my hubby.
We both started to feel hungry(me and my ds) and he dint allow me to prepare chappathi started crying if I enter into kitchen. At 8.30 I some how managed him and prepare chappathi for me and him and at 9 we both had our dinner. My hubby msged me at 9.00 that it will be late.
With great anger I replied him that the chappathi dough is there after he return home he itself can make it roasted for his dinner. ( I made the chappathi dough and put it on a news paper to roast it later)He dint reply anything. So at 10 I arranged everything for sleep and msged him that chappathis I got ready for him to roast are stick with the news paper. So he need to prepare the chappthi from the dough balls for himself.

He dint reply anything for that too. At 10.30 my ds started to sleep and I prepared the chappathi for him and got ready everything on table as I knw he will not prepare for himself and he might booz and come so I don’t want him to sleep with empty stomach. After that I msged him I prepared his dinner and as our kid is sleeping dnt press the calling bell just enter with your key( he is having one set of key with himself)
I started to sleep. So he came around midnight (1.30) . I heard the sound and assured his arrival but I dint wake up and continued my sleep. I got irritated and feel nasty that I dint take bath( I feel very discomfort if I not taking bath. Even with fever or late night ill take bath for sure)
So mng wen I woke up he was sitting in the bed after his brushing. He told sorry I dint take the dinner nite as I had in the host home itself. And ill have the chappathis now. I got angry like anything I prepared for him with my nagging kid and simply he is saying sorry. I stared at him and told I dint even take bath because of him and went to take bath.
I came up and asked him whether he enters into kitchen to make ensure that he saw the egg curry spoiled. He dint reply. I asked him twice and he told yes I checked it.
And by seeing the pet bottles and beer cans which is the two months stock I got angry again and shouted at him whether he has an idea of disposing it atleast today or not
?(as we have to disposed the bottles and other stuffs like beer cane separately from the domestic carbage I couldn make it. So he used to dispose it)
For this he replies why are you shouting like this morning itself? Such a adamant and arrogant women…
I dint reply and got very angry decided to be calm and not to speak with him other than formal
I asked him whether shall I reheat the chappathis? He told ok
I reheat the chappathis and kept it in a plate with side dish and place it in front of him in a bed.( he was lying in the bed with a iphone).
He shouted Am I look like a begger? Why are you throw this food like this.?
I replied I dint throw it , I just place it..
Both are same only, I wont take these food. And he dint touch it.
Me and my kid had our breakfast. He came to kitchen and washed the cooker.
I told him I already make the rice for lunch( I placed the cooker as I know he will go to his cricket practice after noon).
He replied as u prepared the food you are behaving this much rude and adamant. Ill prepare my food for myself.
I replied him dnt waste the rice as I already cooked the rice for all of us. He dint listen to me.
I shouted at him what are you expcting now? I need to touch your feet and tell sorry to you?
He replied dnt make me more angrier. Just leave from here. I asked him if you started to prepare food for you shall I find a job for my necessities?( ungalukku vendiyatha neenga paathukireenganaa appo enakku vendiyatha velaikku poi naan paathukavaa?)he told go and take care of yourself.
Have u ever have a smily face?? Always complaining about something and have long face. ( As one of my uncle from my mom relative passed away and my mom complaind to my mil that I dint call and nquire to that uncle family. I got very angry and upset about my mom and I dint speak to her for a week. So I was quite upset for a week and for the valentine day I dint bought anything and I jovially asked my husband that he dint gift anything to me as he s always less romantic . So he had all these in his mind nad shouted now.)Howmany times I came late or went to have drink with my friends? For this I have to get ths much of questions and treated like a begger. No need of anything.
So I went to bed and started to cry as I could not bear his word.( iam very sensitive and I couldn bear these kind of words)
He prepare food for him and got ready to go for a cricket practice. As I started to type something on laptop he came and tried to see what is that.. and he did lot of things to smooth me and argued what he done is right. After vent out some of my thoughts I calm down.He told if it’s a problem that you couldn manage our son alone lets go to india and started login to his official site to make a travel request. I told him don’t do anything stupidly as I don’t like to come to india.(I don’t want to stay with my inlaws even though they are nice and no open quarrel between us that s a different story) I asked him he want to be the same way as in india where his only duty is to go office and earn and not to care me and my child? ( all the house hold things getting grocery to paying bills taking me and my ds to hospital if v r not feeling well all are done by my fil). And I couldn’t go out by myself if I want something.
For that he replied angrily you want me to earn and need a good rich life but how all these possible without working?? And for that I need to go to office. No bod will give money if I sit at home( he is the only bread winner of the family(including mil fil) I quite my job before my marriage as I need to move abroad with him). So you are blaming me that I am not a responsible person.
I replied him I dint mean that he is not responsible but he will not take care of me and ds if we are in india as he have a thought everything will be take care by his parents.
And after smoothing me by some of his arguments and activities he started and told sorry.i smiled and bid a bye to him.

Now I am having a severe head ache because of my non stop crying from morning
My question is if its wrong if I am getting angry for him for boozing and coming late at home where me and ds are alone here?
Not even I am having a rights to express my angry? Or the way I express It is wrong??
I am not the nagging type or always getting angry on everything. But I am not that much jovial and I dint have a smily face. My hubby always saying it that I am always having a long face.no its my nature to be calm. And bcause of the thought that my smile is not that much attractive(I have a un even teeth and broad lips )I dnt much smile other than necessary. But my hubby always crazy about the smily face and he even like the girls who is having smily face.
I told him its my nature and I could not change myself which I have been for 26 years.
Is it wrong if I am not in a way he is expecting me??(Ours is a arranged marriage)
Pls guide me what I have done is wrong? The whole day spoiled because of these.
Sorry for the very long post

 

oh no..why no reply ? Anything wrong in my thread?

 

Thank you so much for your kind reply.. Will try that for sure...

 

As per Englishtutojourl suggestion i had a talk with him and we made these things.

If he go out like this have to inform to me earliar as much as it possible.
and have to tell the exact time of returning and whether will have dinner at home or not.

And he should stick with these things strictly.

;-) Yes tulipzz its from you. and he accepted all those things.

Thanks for your wonderful guidance....


And regarding the play group,play school, and kinder garden ... oops.. Everything is full here. We need to give a requisation and they will put us in waiting list. will inform once they found some vacancies and i got to know from one of the forum it will take 6 months to one year.. i applied all those things and waiting to hear from them... Hope fully will get by sep of this year as thats the school (kinder garden) start year...
And i found some english play groups which are too expensive for us to adore...

And as far i know no indian play groups are here as we are very less in numbers ( some group is there in zurich which is very very far for me, i am in geneva)... i am tired of searching...

 

Hi sokanasanah,

Thank you for your wonderful reply.It makes me to think a lot...Then i came to this conclusion , yes the way i handled it is... spoiled our whole day...
The reason behind that is the frustration about this isolated situation. No social life and my hubby is not bothering about it ...

Surely will try that mantra of relaxing the face ...

Thank you so much for your kind reply...

Of course i wont use news paper here after...
Even i want to explore to geneva.. but how? seriously i dont know...

As here winter and snow fall is there i couldn go out with my kid (as i need to take out him with a pram which might skid in this snow way..). So because of this winter couldn go to the nearby park also as nobody is there in this chill snow.

often we play in the snow in the balcony(ours is the pent house).

Other than this seriously i dont know what to do? Boring of roaming the same shopping mall near to my place that too alone with my kid....
Have to wait for the summer... and i am waiting...

How to be socialise and make friends? i know some of his colleagues wives. The problem is he doesnt like me to be friendly with them... Everytime if we meet them in some shopping mall or somewhere he warned me before itself dnt ask that dnt speak abu this .... like that.. so i minimize my talk as much as possible... so no better communication , no friends..

We have a some what bigger home and i wanted to invite two of his colleagues famil(only the mom and kid) who are staying in the studio flat and sailing on the same boat (no play area for the kid).
But the problen is here we have to maintain the home as much as possible... i dint allow my kid to scratch a small line the wall as its newly painted... and its v v costly here.. what if the kids make something on wall or floor?
Is that like i myself invited some trouble...
dnt know how to handle this... confused.. worrying a lot about my kid.. he slmost forget about play and always sitting with a laptop or iphone...

The play area for children is there ... though its some wat far i wnt there once .. nothing much impressed there most of the games are for elder child( 4 to 5 years) and he doesnt play with those things... and again its 10chf for one day.. cant accomodate for daily...

Please give me some ideas...

Thanks in advance